The One Indicator That It Is Time to Leave Your Church
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- Updated Jun 16, 2023
Earlier this year, our family left the church we were in for the last four years to attend a different one. This got me thinking about what was at the center of that decision. I know leaving a church for many is probably one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, especially when you have been part of that church for a long time.
I remember when I had to leave the church I grew up in. This was the place I got saved and was the only church I had known my entire life. Leaving was difficult for me, but I eventually reached a point where I had to go. Since that time, I have attended and left several churches, including the one we left this year. As I look back, I now realize the reason I left every church all shared one common denominator. The underlying reality was that my needs were not being met. So often we tie leaving to other things, but when you pull back all the layers, this is what you will find in the center.
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Why Do We Go to Church in the First Place?
There are really four reasons we go to church.
1 - Worship
There is something special about the body of Christ gathering in worship. There is a dynamic that is created in corporate worship that you cannot replicate in your home. As part of worship, I will include praying together. There is tremendous power when the church comes together and seeks God collectively with one heart and one spirit.
2 - Discipleship
After worship, a big part of going to church is instruction. Teaching and training are a necessary part of the church experience. This does not replace what you do in your individual study but should be a welcome addition, challenging you to go deeper in your commitment to Christ and living out your faith in the real world.
3 - Stewardship
Stewardship is not just about giving money, but also about giving your time and talents. I believe we all have a role to play in the local church and that is part of the reason God connects you with one. Some will contribute more than others, but we all have something to offer. Stewardship also means there is an opportunity for you to use the gifts God has given you.
4 - Fellowship
As believers, we are called to be part of one body, and the truth is we need each other. Fellowship unites us and is a critical aspect of the church body. Finding people you can talk to, pray with, and just hang out with is vital to your long-term success in your Christian walk.
Any healthy church is going to have these four elements, and when the church is meeting your needs, these four things will be accessible and recognizable to you.
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Why Do People Stay When They Know They Should Leave Their Church?
I have known people who are in churches where these four things are not present; they know they should leave, yet they remain in that church. The same reasons we go to church also tie into the same reasons it is hard to leave a church.
1 - The fear of starting over and not knowing where to go
The longer you have been in a church, the more difficult it becomes to leave it. It is challenging to let go of the sense of connection you have to that place. The thought of starting over again will sometimes override the desire to leave, and so you stay. Also, because you don’t know what church you will attend if you leave, you hold on to the familiar place.
The reason is what you know feels safer than what you don’t know. This does not differ from when the Israelites left Egypt. Because they were unsure of what was ahead, they wanted to return to Egypt, even though it wasn’t a healthy place for them.
2 - The fear of losing relationships
Some people fear that leaving the church means leaving established relationships behind. Honestly, if your friendships end because you have left the church, that speaks to the quality of those friendships. When I think of some of my closest friends in the world, we stopped going to church together over ten years ago and we are still as close now as when we saw each other every Sunday.
3 - They are worried about what happens when they stop serving
Sometimes the feeling is what will happen to that ministry when you stop serving. I must admit, I have felt this way before, especially when you are in smaller churches. I have since learned this is not the proper way to look at your service. You are not the only person who can do what you are doing, and the work really belongs to God, anyway. Your decision to leave will not stop the ministry. Here is a reality I had to come to grips with. The ministry does not begin and end with me. Deciding to leave may affect the ministry, but it will not stop it.
4 - They feel like God hasn’t told them to leave
This is a common theme I have heard from people who choose to stay at a church longer than they should. They cloak their decision to stay in what I will call “spiritual-ese.” They may complain about the place they are in, but they follow it up by saying, “God hasn’t told me to leave yet.” Whenever I hear this, I always respond, “Have you asked him?” This is spiritual language that often hides the truth of not knowing where to go and not wanting to start over again.
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The Number One Indicator That Tells You It’s Time to Leave Your Church
When you lay all these things aside, here is the number one question you must ask yourself to determine if it is time to leave your church. Are your spiritual needs being met in this place?
By spiritual needs, I mean, is this church helping you grow and develop in your relationship with Jesus Christ? The reason I emphasize spiritual needs is you can have fellowship, you can serve, you can even worship and yet not be growing. I know to some, this idea might seem a little selfish, but I have learned that far too often in church, people are like dry sponges. Serving in ministry squeezes everything they can offer out of them, but there is nothing being poured back in.
If they are serving, all they do is serve and never have a moment to receive. This is an unhealthy balance that is not helping you grow and develop in Christ. As great as serving is, serving alone is no replacement for instruction and discipleship.
I want to ask you this question. If you were not serving in ministry in the church you attend now, would you still be going there? If the answer is no, then you are in the wrong place. This is not a knock against that church, it just means it is time for you to move on. Regardless of how you frame it, the underlying issue will always be whether your spiritual needs are being met and when this is not the case, not only is it time to leave, but it is okay to leave.
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Your Church Must Help You Grow
I know you might say you are primarily responsible for your walk with the Lord, and this is true. However, the church you attend should encourage and supplement what you are doing on your own. If it isn’t then why are you there?
If the church is meeting your four core needs of worship, discipleship, fellowship, and stewardship, then stay and continue to grow. In these cases, you leave only if God is leading you out. But if the church is not meeting your needs, my friend, it is time to find another church.
There comes a time in every believer’s life where they must put their own growth and development in Christ ahead of their commitment to a particular church. If you are looking to grow, then your local church should be a place that supports that. If it can’t or doesn’t, then you don’t have to think too hard. It is time for you to leave your church and find another one.
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