How to Cope When Your In-Laws Are Overbearing - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 23
How to Cope When Your In-Laws Are Overbearing
By Vivian Bricker
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)
One of my married friends disclosed to me a few years ago that she felt her in-laws were a bit overbearing. Her mother-in-law meant well, but it was wearing my friend out. Rather than checking in occasionally, her mother-in-law would drop in for unprepared visits, and she kept bringing her gifts she did not need. While my friend appreciated her kindness, she couldn’t deal with the constant unexpected drop-ins, the food gifts that were going to waste, and the anxiety of wondering whether or not her mother-in-law was going to randomly start up a text message conversation.
My friend loves her mother-in-law, but she needs to scale back. The problem my friend presented to me is one that many wives and husbands face. Their in-laws are not bad people; however, they are overbearing. Sadly, many older adults do this because they are lonely. It is also important to remember that your in-laws truly care about you and want you involved in their lives. You are the person their child has chosen and this is a big deal to them.
While this doesn’t make the overbearing actions any less significant, it does explain why your mother-in-law or father-in-law keeps checking in on you. If this is a problem you are facing, the first step is to go to the Lord in prayer. He will direct your steps as you trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). Once you have presented your requests to Him in prayer, go to His Word. Read the Bible and see what God is trying to tell you.
After taking these steps, talk with your spouse. Tell them how you are feeling about the situation. It could be that your spouse could talk to their parents on your behalf and explain the situation to them in a calm way. Unfortunately, the more we allow this problem to fester, the more likely our anger will rise. This could lead us to saying something we would regret to our in-laws. Rather than saying hurtful words, it is important to stay calm and have a level head.
If your in-laws still don’t get the message after your spouse talks with them, try to come up with another idea of how to help them understand your feelings. Try directly talking with them about the issue and tell them, “I really appreciate you dropping in, but do you think you could give me a few days' heads up in the future? I have a lot of things I’m working on, and I want to be prepared.” Another answer you could try could be, “Thank you for all the gifts, but I don’t think my spouse and I need all of these gifts, groceries, and other products.”
These simple replies can go a long way and help your in-laws know how you are feeling. If you and your spouse are still newly married, it could be that their behaviors will still persist; however, with time, your in-laws will get the message. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and concerns with them. They are human just like you, and they understand how it feels to be anxious and stressed. Once you share your feelings with them, they should give you more space.
However, even if they do not, we are still called to peace. The Apostle Paul says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). As Paul tells us, we are to live at peace with all people. Even if your in-laws might be overbearing or get on your nerves, you need to live at peace with them. This can be a struggle, but with the Lord’s help, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
Lean on God for His strength and be sensitive to His direction. Cultivating peace and calmness in the presence of stress is no easy task. Yet, with God, we will be able to be calm and live in peace with all people. This is a beautiful truth that we need to hold onto. Even on our hardest days, we can live at peace with all people because of God’s work in our lives. Rely on Him, trust Him, and live at peace with others through His strength.
Dear God, my in-laws are very difficult to deal with. They tend to be overbearing at times, and I’m getting too stressed. Please help them to understand my point of view and how I need space. Also, please help me to be able to live at peace with my in-laws and not to allow anger to get the best of me. I give all these matters over to You. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Catherine Falls Commercial
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