Don’t Wield Your Words Like a Sword - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - March 24
Don’t Wield Your Words Like a Sword
By: Michelle Lazurek
"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18
One day, I met with a friend for a Bible study. After we were done with our research, we took time at the end to talk about our lives and to pray for various prayer requests. Because I had met with this person for a long time, we both shared intimate details about our personal lives.
I shared intimate details about the rough patch in my marriage. What had become innocent prayer requests quickly escalated into character jabs at our spouses. We both said things about our spouses that we eventually regretted. She told her husband what I had said about my husband, and he went and told my husband.
He came home upset and asked why I had said what I had said. Although we hadn't had any conflict directly related to my statements, I was holding onto resentment and anger over various deeper issues in our marriage. We decided to go to a counselor to discover why we said these things. As I shared with my counselor, we agreed I needed to make amends and repair relationships in my life. Even if we had created a space where we could speak like that, we both knew it wasn't right. I apologized to both my friend and my husband for my words.
Regardless of the environment we were in and the fact that we both had shared equally nasty things about our spouses, I should never have indulged in that type of gossip. Not only was it wrong for me to share it, but it was also wrong that my friend's husband shared it with my husband.
As the above verse suggests, I wielded my words like a sword because I couldn't get to my husband, and I thought I'd share them with a good friend. What I viewed as venting was dangerous gossip that pierced a hole in my marriage that took time to repair. My loose tongue and destructive words acted like a sword that pierced my husband's heart.
We all have issues with our spouses from time to time, but do we choose to go to God with those things, or do we gossip about it to our friends? No matter how tempting it is or who is doing it, and no matter how close you are to the friend, it's never appropriate to talk to a friend about the intimate details of your marriage.
The book of Proverbs mentions the importance of holding our tongues and exhibiting self-control regarding our words. When we wield our words like swords, not only do we puncture our marriages, but we pierce our spouse's souls deeply. These types of hurts take time to repair. Trust is sometimes never rebuilt, and the marriage is severed. Even when our words seem innocent enough or we have the right to speak to them, they can initiate destruction to our marriages that may become difficult—if not impossible—to repair.
Analyze the state of your marriage. Even if you don't see any immediate issues that need to be repaired, do you find you wield your words like a sword that causes irreparable damage to your marriage? Even if it's tempting to tell a friend about issues or seek their advice, it is best to seek the help of a professional like a counselor who doesn't know you or your spouse and can weigh in as a third party with an objective point of view. A marriage needs to come together as a united front. Unity is essential for forging through life together.
Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit and something we must institute in our marriages. Exhibit self-control when it comes to talking about your spouse. Talk about your spouse only in your journal, to God, or a professional. Keep your negative comments to yourself. If your marriage is becoming so damaged that you are fearful it will end in divorce or separation, it is essential to seek the help of a counselor.
Friends who care about you have difficulty keeping an objective point of view. A third party who does not know you will be able to weigh in on your decisions and help you repair the damage before it becomes impossible.
Prayer:
Father, let us exhibit self-control in our marriages. No matter how tempting it may be to talk about your spouses to others to feel better or even get advice, let us seek the help of a professional who can help us see our marriages from a different perspective. Above all, let us go to God, who will be our great helper in times of trouble. Amen.
Related Resource: Engaging with God in a Technology-Saturated World
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