Helping Your Spouse After Facing Infertility - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - December 5
Helping Your Spouse After Facing Infertility
By: Vivian Bricker
“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.” (Psalm 119:76)
Facing infertility is not an easy thing for a wife or her husband. After learning they cannot have children, it can break a couple’s heart. This was certainly true for my friend who has faced infertility due to struggling with endometriosis. There have been instances where my friend has poured out her heart and expressed her pain to me. Seeing all of our friends have children has broken her heart in ways that cannot be healed.
The only person she found solace in was me since I’m unmarried and have no children. She didn’t want to be hurtful in her words to the other girls, so she found safety in me. Our friends posting nonstop pictures of their pregnancy announcements, deliveries, and their children growing up has only worsened my friend’s pain of struggling with infertility. She has come to the realization that she may never be able to have a child and is okay with this now; however, she is still often triggered by seeing couples with children.
What my friend has gone through and continues to go through is commonly experienced by many couples across the world. It is painful and heartbreaking. For individuals who want to have children more than anything else, it can feel almost like a curse not to be able to have children. Not being able to bear children is not a curse even if it might feel like it right now. There are many things that cause infertility, including the illness my friend struggles with, but a curse never causes it.
My friend’s husband has had to be an extra source of support for my friend during this time and I’m thankful he has been so caring, loving, and supportive. If your wife is also going through infertility, be there for her. Extra support, love, and care is needed during this time. It is painful to know you will never be able to have children, especially when everyone around you is starting their family.
When your wife becomes overwhelmed with sorrow, comfort her. Be a listening ear and hold her when she cries. Never treat her like a burden or downplay her emotions. As her husband, you need to be supportive and loving at all times. When you married your wife, you devoted your life to her. It is time to live up to this devotion and love her with your entire being.
Husbands may also struggle with knowing they will never have children, which is why they also need support. Both wives and husbands need to be sources of support for each other during this time. It is best to be vulnerable with our emotions rather than shrugging them off. Choose to sit down and talk with your spouse about the pain instead of pretending you are not affected by infertility.
Most couples want to have children together. It is a shattered dream when this does not become a reality for them. Find comfort in each other and in God. Go to Him in prayer and find peace through His Word. The Bible contains everything we need, including comfort and hope for the future.
Psalm 119:76 says, “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.” Allow this passage to bring comfort to you and your spouse’s hearts today. God’s unfailing love will be your comfort. God has made many promises to us and will not draw back from any of them. Rely on His comfort and the promise of better days in the future.
God’s unfailing love is always surrounding us; however, we often feel it the most when we are going through a difficult time, such as infertility. Turn to God during this time and soak up the goodness of His love. He will provide healing to you and your spouse. Never will He leave you or abandon you (Hebrews 13:5-6). This season of infertility is difficult, but never allow it to convince you that you and your spouse will never be able to have children.
While it is true your wife might never be able to conceive a child, you do have the option as a couple to adopt. Adoption is a beautiful expression of God’s love for us. Just as He adopted us into His family, married couples have the opportunity to extend this same love to orphans. Consider adoption if this is something you and your spouse might be interested in the future.
Adopted children will still be your children; family goes deeper than blood. If you are wondering if adoption is a good fit for you and your spouse, talk over matters together and bring them before God. Adoption will not completely heal the wound of infertility, but it can bless you with wonderful children.
For Wives: “Dear Jesus, I am feeling deeply sorrowful over infertility. My spouse and I have tried to have a baby, but I was never able to carry successfully. Please provide me with healing and comfort during this time. I so badly want to be able to have a baby. I know adoption is an option and please provide me with insight if this is where you are leading me. Thank You, Amen.”
For Husbands: “Dear Lord, please help me to be a source of support, encouragement, and love to my wife. Infertility is extremely hard to navigate, and it pains me to see her experiencing so much grief. Please surround her with Your love and help me to be supportive, too. If adoption is a direction You are guiding us to, please direct our steps. Thank You, Amen.”
Related Resource: Engaging with God in a Technology-Saturated World
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