How to Wrestle with God Before Wrestling with Your Spouse
By: Alisha Headley
“When words are many, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19
Have you ever spoken your mind to your spouse, and the words you spoke led to arguments? Have there been times that you wish you could take back your words?
I can’t tell you how many times my words have gotten me in trouble with my spouse and have started a ripple effect of unnecessary arguments. I tend to wrestle with my spouse on whatever I’m feeling in that moment. Many times, I don’t think before I speak. And yet, when I do this, it almost always leads to quarrels in my marriage. Sometimes, these quarrels can quickly diminish, or they can last all day or for several days. Yet, what if these quarrels could be avoided?
The book of Proverbs is full of verses that talk about how the fools are known for their many words, and it is the wise who are able to hold their tongue. Verse after verse in Proverbs highlights the foolish way of living vs the wise way of living. Many verses teach us the differences between a fool and a wise person; the difference is the amount of words spoken. Ouch. To think that my words are the ways of the foolish, causing sin and chaos in my marriage, is not the way I want to live. I want to live with wisdom and want wisdom to reign in my marriage above all else.
Today’s Scripture verse clearly says that where there are many words, sin is almost always unavoidable. Should we never speak our hearts and speak up to our spouses? Of course not. But what we should do is seek God first. We should take our heart towards our spouse to God first, rather than to our spouse first, to avoid sin erupting like wildfire in our marriage. We serve a God who is ready and always available to hear our emotions, frustrations, and any hurt or anger we are experiencing. We must practice seeking God first by wresting with him before we wrestle with our spouses. Unleash it all at the foot of the cross before we unleash it all on our spouse, leaving an entryway for sin to enter. This is the way of the wise and the way to live righteously. More times than not, not only can sin be avoided from entering in, but God usually works in and heals us in those times of quiet wrestling with Him first. Sometimes, we don’t end up ever having to talk with our spouse because God has calmed our hearts. Or He settles our hearts so that when we speak to our spouse, we can speak from a place of love and wisdom.
I want to live a life full of wisdom, avoid foolish talk, and avoid wrestling matches in my marriage. It starts by talking less and wrestling with God first before wrestling with our spouse.
Let’s pray.
Dear God,
Thank you so much for the Bible and all the ways it teaches us to live a life of peace and wisdom. Please forgive us for the countless times we have spoken words without seeking you first. Teach us in those moments where our emotions start to run high, to walk away, and to seek you in the quiet place just as Jesus often withdrew to places of quiet to seek you also. Teach us to wrestle our emotions with you before we wrestle with our spouse. Thank you for being a Father who welcomes us with open arms and allows us to experience emotions. Thank you for meeting us in those moments of frustration with our spouse. By seeking you and wrestling with you first, you are able to settle our hearts. We don’t want to cause sin and chaos in our marriage that could lead to potential damage. We don’t walk to act like fools in our marriage, so Lord, please bring Scriptures like today to remembrance when we are in moments of emotions with our spouse. Prompt us in those moments to not speak until we have first processed our feelings with you. Thank you for our spouse, Lord. Thank you for the gift of marriage, and thank you for the gift of wisdom throughout Scripture. We ask that you would guard our marriage and protect it from sin entering in as we commit to walking in the way of the wise through our words, or lack thereof. We love you and thank you for your continued guidance navigating us through our marriage.
Alisha Headley is a writer + speaker who has a desire to meet the everyday woman in her everyday life with biblical truth. Stepping into her true calling, she left the corporate world behind as a former-financial VP to love on her family as a stay-at-home wifey + dog mama, while also being able to pursue her passion as a writer. Healing from a chapter of life consumed with lies she once believed about herself, she is inspired to point women to Christ to experience the freedom + power to overcome those lies with the truth written in God’s word. In her free time, Alisha enjoys road trips around the country, working out so she can eat her favorite foods, and creatively styling her outfits with a craft for fashion. Alisha is a proud wifey and dog mama living in Scottsdale, Arizona.
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