“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” (Romans 16:17)
Have you ever taken a marked detour that led you far from your intended destination? If so, you likely experienced frustration at the round-about way it took to finally get where you were going. These everyday obstacles can be aggravating for sure, but what about spiritual obstacles that stand in the way of a healthy marriage? Here are three to be aware of:
Condemnation
Blame, finger-pointing, and a spirit of condemnation can create an unhealthy obstacle no marriage deserves. When we allow this mindset to become a habit, it’s as if a dark cloud is hovering overhead. In order to break through, we need to change the way we think, believe, and respond, letting God’s perspective shine through.
Consider how negative thoughts lead to negative beliefs, which lead to negative actions. For example, when dwelling on a past offense, we start to believe our spouses will never change. This leads to an attitude of condemnation, causing unfair accusations.
Change begins with the way we view our spouse. Instead of a “can’t-do-anything-right” perspective, we need God’s perspective. Something I’ve found helpful is asking for the Lord’s Spiritual glasses to see my husband as He sees him. Every time I do this, my heart is softened, and thoughts of condemnation are removed.
Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” As followers of Christ, let’s do away with finger-pointing and blame. Our marriages deserve to be viewed from a godly lens of grace and mercy.
Jealousy
Underlying jealousy prevents couples from the true intimacy God designed. A persistent lack of trust and suspicion only causes division. This obstacle is demolished by trust, and trust is built through reliability and accountability.
If jealousy is creating an unhealthy dynamic in your marriage, consider reaching out for help. Speak with an older couple who can give impartial and Biblical insight. Or consider purchasing a conversation guide to help you navigate this issue. Do whatever you can to eliminate jealousy, envy, and strife.
As I share in my Relationship Wisdom Mentorship Program, Godly wisdom is the foundation of a healthy marriage. James 3:16-17 says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”
With this in mind, it can be helpful to ask yourself questions such as:
Are my thoughts pure toward my spouse?
Am I responding peaceably?
Am I being considerate and merciful?
With God’s help and wisdom, the obstacle of jealousy can be removed, and once it is, you’ll find yourself in a thriving marriage enjoying the intimacy God designed.
Unforgiveness
Of all the spiritual obstacles in marriage, unforgiveness is one of the biggest. Interestingly, couples might not even realize they are harboring unforgiveness toward one another. When examined closely, however, many realize there are past and present issues that need to be resolved before moving forward in a healthy way.
The best part is, with God’s help, forgiveness is one decision away. Because Christ forgave us, we can forgive our spouses with His divine strength. This might need to happen more than once, as Jesus shared in Matthew 18:21-22. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
Forgiveness is something to take seriously, and it starts with a softened heart. This spiritual obstacle doesn’t stand a chance when the Holy Spirit leads us to let go, sincerely forgive, and bless our spouses with a clean slate.
Whatever spiritual obstacles you’re facing, know that God is bigger. What seems insurmountable to us is more than possible with our Heavenly Father. Detours in marriage are frustrating, but when looking to the Lord for guidance, we are always led back to the healthy place God intended.
Heavenly Father, please help my spouse and me remove the obstacles in our marriage. Give us the wisdom, tools, and resources needed for a strong, healthy relationship that glorifies You. Lord, if there are hidden obstacles, please reveal them, opening our eyes to whatever is blocking the way towards health and vitality. We recommit our marriage to You, asking for Spiritual blessings of love, joy, peace, and kindness. Let every detour lead us back to You and each other. Navigate the path before us, Lord, directing us in every way. Thank You for renewing and restoring our marriage to full health, in Jesus’ mighty name, amen.
Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.
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