How to Wrestle with God Before Wrestling with Your Spouse
By: Jennifer Waddle
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
It was on a beach in Cozumel during my husband’s retirement trip that I realized there was something between us—our phones. There we were, under a cabana with the beautiful ocean in front of us, and we had our heads down, scrolling on our iPhones. The next day, I intentionally left all electronics in the room, enjoying every moment with the love of my life.
What can happen in marriage when we turn off our phones? Amazing things! Here are a few benefits to consider:
Being Heard
One of the greatest blessings in marriage is being heard and valued, but the message I hear most often from women in my mentorship programs is: “I just want my husband to listen—really listen.”
Unfortunately, there’s no way we can give our full attention when our phones are within reach. The familiar “ding” of a text alert instantly draws us away from what’s being said and breaks the flow of connection. Perhaps you’ve been in the middle of something important only to have your spouse check their phone, get distracted, and never return to your conversation. This habit builds an invisible wall of frustration and division.
Couples can experience amazing breakthroughs when they make listening a priority. Spouses open up more, share more, and engage more. Give listening a try and watch your relationship begin to deepen. Think about how meaningful it is when your spouse gives you undivided attention and do your best to offer the same. Soon, you’ll forget where you left your phone without any hurry to find it!
Laughing Together
Sharing Instagram reels or funny videos with your spouse can be a fun way to relax and connect. However, this shouldn’t replace real conversations that help you engage and unwind.
Couples need to laugh together. This creates a carefree, be-yourself environment that sparks intimacy and provides an outlet for stress. Laughing together lets your spouse know you still find them interesting and entertaining.
Author Betsy St. Amant Haddox offers a few ideas for bringing more laughter into marriage: “See a funny movie or read the comics together. Listen to a Christian comedian. Play a board game. Read snippets of humorous books out loud to each other. Even go so far as to laugh at yourself with your spouse! Keep a light heart and a positive outlook and discover the joy in the mundane.”
Turn off your phones to cultivate more laughter in your relationship. In turn, this will strengthen your bonds, creating an atmosphere of fun, enjoyment, and camaraderie.
Reconnecting
Have you ever stopped to consider how disconnection in marriage can be traced to your phone? Often, you’re in the same room as your spouse - even on the same sofa - but not connected in any meaningful way.
Turning off your phones gives opportunity to look each other in the eye, actually hear what your spouse is saying, and respond with genuine interest. Gaps in the relationship, including miscommunications, are reconnected when you stop scrolling and start mingling.
I suggest starting with one evening per week. Decide to leave your phones in another room and do something fun together. Let friends and family know you won’t be checking your texts, and if they really need you, they can call.
Amazing things happen in marriage when we turn off our phones. Conversations deepen, laughter is rekindled, and connections are made. Give it a try this week and see how it goes! I have the feeling this will become a new habit for a stronger marriage.
Let's Pray:
Gracious God, please forgive me for letting my phone waste so much of my time. Spending time with my spouse is far more important than scrolling social media. Please help me have the self-discipline to turn off my phone and give them my full attention. Help me listen well, laugh often, and reconnect in meaningful ways. I commit this plan to you, asking for Your blessing. Let this new habit of intentionality and enjoying each other’s company become a habit we cultivate more and more in the days ahead. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.
Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.
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