A Newlywed's Guide to Celebrating Christmas with Both Sides of the Family - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional

“We don’t all have a perfect little family like yours.” These words were uttered from my husband’s mouth once we left his grandmother’s house on Christmas Day, way back in 2002! It was our first Christmas together as a married couple, and we were earnestly trying to squeeze in time to see both of our families, obviously still learning what was (and wasn’t) appropriate to say to your other half! Ugh.

Those seemingly innocent words made me cringe as this slow fury built in my heart, leading to flushed cheeks, grinding of teeth, and a very long and dreadfully quiet car ride. But quite possibly, the worst part was he didn’t even realize I was giving him the cold shoulder and went right on humming to the Christmas tunes streaming from the car radio. This was way before Spotify or Pandora.

Now, to clarify, my family was far from perfect. Sure, we had a very orderly Christmas, thanks to my mom. She always made Christmas super special with the house decked to the nines, enough desserts to feed an army, and gifts galore under the tree. As soon as we pulled into the driveway, she would come running out with a big smile and greet us with warm hugs, ushering us inside for eggnog. From there, we were practically treated like royalty.

His grandmother, bless her precious heart, also made Christmas very nice; it was just different. Rather than opening gifts one at a time like my family was accustomed to, everyone tore into them at once. Also, rather than a big meal where everyone gathered around the table, his family grazed throughout the day. It was also loud and roaring with lots of people. 

Looking back, I think what made my sweet hubby share that somewhat “insensitive” comment on the ride home from our first Christmas together was to justify how his family celebrated Christmas. But honestly, he didn’t need to. While it was different, and his family was loud and a bit chaotic at times, it was also wildly fun!

Maybe this will be your first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. First of all, congratulations! This is such an exciting time. But I know you may be wondering how you will stretch your time and be able to spend ample time with both sides of the family, while also realizing that each family holds its own unique set of traditions. 

Well, not to fret. There is a simple strategy that will help you and your honey keep the peace, make spirits bright, and even allow the two of you to create your own traditions. Below is a five-step guide that may help you navigate this first Christmas as a married couple.

Communication beforehand is crucial. Share how your family generally celebrates and listen to how your spouse’s family celebrates. Recognize that each family holds their own traditions, making no room for comparison. Realize that differences bring blessings. 

Set Boundaries. Be honest about what you expect, not just from both sides of the family but from each other. Set clear expectations together, but realize that life can take unexpected turns, and you must be willing to compromise if needed.

Plan for travel. This can get tricky, especially when families live miles apart. You can spend Thanksgiving (or New Years) with one family and Christmas with the other. You may also choose to meet one family virtually or host and invite both families over to spend time together.

Start a New Tradition. Now that you have established your own family, it’s time to start your own traditions, merging both of your pasts and childhoods together, bringing in something new. Enjoy this one! Open your heart to one another and what you see taking place for the Christmases to come.

Prayer:

Gracious God, as we head into this joyful and magical time of year, we ask that You fill our hearts and home with the peace of Your Divine presence. As we celebrate our first Christmas together, we ask that Your love be the center of our marriage. Help us find ways to navigate this season of firsts as we learn to communicate openly and honestly, set boundaries around our time, prep and plan for old and new traditions to merge, and form our own version of festivities. We are so thankful for the purpose You bring into our marriage; may we lean into You for wisdom and guidance as we celebrate this most wonderful time of year. Amen.

Application:

Plan a “Just Us” Tradition: Choose one evening during the Christmas season to focus solely on your new family unit. Whether it’s watching a favorite Christmas movie, baking cookies together, or driving around to see holiday lights, use this time to bond as a couple.

Reflect Together: Sit down with your spouse and discuss your favorite Christmas memories from childhood. How can you honor both families' traditions while creating new ones that reflect your unique relationship? Write these down and pray over them as a couple.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/supersizer

Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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