Bear with One Another in Love - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
Bear with One Another in Love
By: Michelle Lazurek
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
In the beginning years of our relationship, my husband used to be the peacemaker of the relationship. He would do whatever it took to smooth things over so that conflict would not arise. However, as the years went by, he began to feel like he couldn't express himself fully, often hiding his own feelings to make me happy. This created an unhealthy dynamic in our marriage. During conflict, I would get mad, get quiet, and not want to talk to him until I had a chance to cool off. Uncomfortable with silence, he would engage me in conversation, which would only end in a fight. I felt like I wasn't being heard or validated in my feelings. The conflict would end with my husband trying to make light of the situation by cracking a joke or doing something to make me happy.
As we've matured, we've both learned how to navigate conflict better. He expresses himself more fully during conflict and I don't say every harsh word that comes to my mind. I practice self-control when I refrain from hurting him. He practices healthy assertiveness when he speaks the truth plainly. By making these changes in the way we handle conflict, we both get to be heard in this situation. We are bearing with each other in love, caring less about getting each other's way but rather doing what we can to seek peace, resolution, and reconciliation in love.
When conflict arises, it is easy to want to insist on being right in the situation. Secretly, our need to be right meets an emotional need for justification and validation. When a spouse doesn't receive that from the other party, it's easy to want to do that when conflict arises. Jesus doesn't want us to assert our righteousness. Rather, he wants us to be in right relationship with others. This does not mean we can't speak the truth to someone or point out a sinful action that is negatively affecting us. But if that's all that our relationship becomes, it becomes a superficial expression of a relationship rooted in pride rather than love.
The above verse gives us instructions on how to be in right relationship with others. Our relationship should be one in which people feel loved and appreciated in our presence. We will restore our relationship when we demonstrate humility and gentleness with others, especially when they have done something wrong. We demonstrate Christ's presence in our lives when we exclude patience with others, even when they repeat the same bad behavior.
The above word "bear" means, "to carry the weight of; support; endure in a trial." When trials come in a relationship, people who love each other are the ones to endure trials. They don't shift the blame to the other or make them feel guilty. Instead, they endure trials as they come. They encourage each other, pray for each other, and listen as the other expresses emotions and feelings.
Above all, God wants couples to strive for unity. However, the way in which unity is achieved between couples is different. Conflict is inevitable and will arise. Because of our human nature, we will always want to assert our dominance or want to be right. However, when a couple is united, committed to each other, and weathering trials that come their way, God will supernaturally send his peace. In so doing, a couple will be blessed, and they become stronger both in their relationship with each other, and with their relationship with God.
Father, help us to bear with one another in love. Help us exude humility, develop patience and be humble and gentle with each other. When conflict arises, help us seek the good of the other. Help us not want to just be right, but rather to be in right relationship with each other. Let us be unified with each other, enduring trials. When trials come, let peace be the glue that bonds us together. Amen.
Application Questions:
In what ways can you improve on how you handle conflict?
How can you bear with your spouse in love?
We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.
