Grace Upon Grace - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional 

Grace Upon Grace

By: Amanda Idleman

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

When we enter into marriage we are merging the lives of two very imperfect people. Conflict is an inevitable and healthy part of marriage. We must learn how to fight and recover well when conflict emerges in our homes.

In my own marriage, we've spent seasons stuck in a very negative cycle of escalating conflict. Over time, we became so anxious to talk to each other for fear a fight would erupt. We stopped engaging unless it was absolutely necessary. We needed to learn how to fight well and recover, too. There was no grace for our failures in our marriage.

The first step in this journey towards disrupting the negative cycle of conflict between us was to confront the feelings of guilt and shame we both carried because we felt like such failures in our relationship. God is not the author of shame; instead, he leads us lovingly to repentance. We were stuck due to a narrative of negativity that bred hopelessness in our relationship.

Step two was choosing to forgive each other and ourselves. Bitterness grows easily in our hearts. We have to cut it out like the cancer it is. It often feels painful in the moment, but the result is a renewed heart of love for each other.

Step three was investing in counseling so we could have accountability and someone to teach us how to change the habits that had become so natural to us. We needed a mediator that could speak life into our relationship. That could help us break free from patterns we had let define us. These counselors equipped us with knowledge we lacked.

To summarize this healing journey, we had to embrace grace upon grace for our marriage. It was supernatural grace that did not excuse our bad behavior but let go of it and embraced a fresh start. This grace is rooted in a trust that God is sufficient to meet our needs. We can let go of our urge to execute justice on our own. We can trust that he is able to heal and change us. And we also can trust that this well of grace is forever available to us as believers.

It's important to do the work to fight well and forgive well. We should learn how to fight for each other rather than fight with each other. But we will never get this 100% right. Grace is vital for a healthy marriage, all the way until the day you die for yourself and your partner. Interestingly, I often find it harder to forgive myself than it is to forgive my husband. God's grace is for every person in our homes.

That grace helps us to make amends with our kids when they see us treat our spouse poorly, for our community when we fail at representing a godly marriage, this grace sustains us when it's important that we humbly ask for forgiveness, and when we are prompted to extend forgiveness for the failures of our partner. His grace is sufficient!

Prayer:

Father, we thank you for your grace, which is sufficient to meet all our needs. We ask that your grace would lead us to repentance. Rather than living in shame, we ask that we embrace change, a fresh start, and forgiveness and commit to creating healthy patterns in our marriage. Would you remind us in our moments of frustration that for our marriage to last, we must continue to draw on your endless well of grace every day for ourselves and our partner? We thank you that you never give up on us! That we are never too broken for your love to reach us! Help us to embrace your love for ourselves so we can be gracious agents of love for our spouse. Showing them the same abundant love that you show us. Amen.

Challenge Questions and Action Steps:

Where are you harboring bitterness in your heart for your spouse that the Lord is leading you to extend forgiveness? Why is it challenging to let go of the hurt you feel?