How Social Media Affects Intimacy - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
How Social Media Affects Intimacy
By: Jennifer Waddle
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” (1 Corinthians 7:5-6)
“What has become of us?” I recently asked my husband as we sat side-by-side in bed, scrolling on our phones. We’d been totally engrossed in our own little worlds for at least an hour, and it hit me that we were missing out on real connection.
After 33 years of marriage, you’d think social media wouldn’t have a hold on us, but it’s turned into a mindless habit without us even realizing it. Fortunately, we’re both aware of the issue and are intent on creating better habits leading to greater intimacy.
If you’re craving a closer connection with your spouse, consider how social media might be getting in the way. Here are a few key ways it affects intimacy.
It Distracts
The number one way social media affects intimacy is through distraction. Even when we limit our screen time, there’s a lingering temptation to repeatedly pick up our phones and check for texts and alerts. Can you relate?
Something to remember is that intimacy involves so much more than sexuality. It includes uninterrupted time enjoying each other’s company and deep conversations that build trust and unity. Social media isn’t part of the equation; it’s only a distraction.
Sadly, we’ve become so dependent on constant stimulation that we’ve lost the ability to give full attention to our spouses. It’s as if we’ve replaced real-life interactions with virtual diversions. Even when our phones are turned off, there’s often an endless loop of media influence replaying in our minds.
Too much social media interferes with the intimacy our marriages were designed to have. But once we’re aware of it, we can work on paying attention, listening well, and preferring our spouses over our phones.
It Divides
Social media is divisive in the sense that it paints an unhealthy picture of our God-given gender roles. More often than not, men are portrayed as weak, incompetent, or less than, while women are promoted as controlling, superior, or better than.
However, 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Of course, this way of thinking isn’t supported in the world we live in. But from a biblical perspective, living within our assigned roles as husbands and wives brings married couples closer together through mutual love, respect, and intimacy.
Seek the oneness God ordained for your marriage and embrace His design. This will help intimacy flourish as you follow Ephesians 5:21, which says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
It Causes Discontentment
Several months ago, I decided to try a TikTok challenge that included randomly dancing in the kitchen to see if my husband would join me. It was an epic fail. First of all, my husband isn’t a dancer—at all. So, when he saw me dancing with a weird look on my face, he just laughed and said, “What are you doing?”
Although I laughed with him, my initial thought was one of discontentment. The words of the old Barbara Streisand song came to mind, “You don’t bring me flowers; you don’t sing me love songs.” And I actually felt disappointed that he’d refused to dance with me! (What silliness!)
Social media draws us into unhealthy comparisons, which often leads to discontentment. This affects not only our intimacy but also our overall joy. As 1 Timothy 6:6 says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
True joy is found in Christ, and when we’re firmly established in the joy of the Lord, the temporary happiness we see on social media becomes trivial. This is important to remember as we dial back our screen time and spend more time with our spouse - with or without dancing.
It Diminishes Desire
Wasted time on social media tends to have a diminishing effect, decreasing our interest in what’s happening around us. In most cases, we’re not even aware of it, but over time, we become desensitized to the vital need for interpersonal connection.
There’s an interesting verse in Deuteronomy 24:5 that says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” This shows the importance of couples being together and investing time in cultivating intimacy before spending time apart.
If social media has diminished your desire to interact with your spouse, take it seriously. Ask God to help you break the scrolling habit and revitalize your marriage for deeper intimacy.
Prayer:
Lord, please forgive us for allowing social media to replace intimacy in our marriage. Help us turn off our phones and spend more time enjoying each other’s company. Refine us continually in this area, strengthening our bond and creating a deeper connection; in Jesus’ name, amen.
Application: How is social media affecting intimacy in your marriage? Have your phones distracted you from spending quality time together?
Challenge: Cut back on social media engagement by 15 minutes each day until you feel your screen time is under control. Spend that extra time with your spouse in non-media-related activities such as evening walks, cuddling on the couch, or intimate conversations.
We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.
