Leave and Cleave - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
Leave and Cleave
"For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." Matthew 19:5-6
This verse is often used at weddings. A pastor will use this verse during a sermon to inform the audience that the wedding is not a legal binding of two people but rather the melding of two hearts, minds, and souls. When two people decide to get married, they leave their mother and father and cling to each other, forming a new bond. This is God's intention for married couples.
The problem, though, is when one party is closely tied to their parents or family of origin. When this happens, it is difficult for one party to listen to the other and allow them to make decisions. This is especially true in conflict. When a married couple is in conflict, it's easy for one party to vent to their mother or father, which triangulates that person into interfering in the quarrel. However, according to this verse, the married couple must make decisions together without the input of the family of origin. This causes additional tension because when one party gossips to their family, it taints their perception and relationship with the spouse. This causes additional tension because families of origin want what's best for their child, even if it means causing stress and strain between the couple.
Additionally, a married couple becomes one in a physical sense. The idea of "one flesh" means a man and a woman are united sexually. When two people unite in a sexual way, a bond is formed between them. This bond is strengthened once children come into the picture. God is specific about remaining a virgin until marriage. In a sexual union, two people are bonded together. If the person has premarital sex and a child results, that person is bound to that person for the rest of their life. This is not God's intention for his people. Instead, he wants two married people to have children so that a child can be raised in the best environment possible. Additionally, it keeps both parties free of any sort of mental or emotional bond they may have created with someone other than their spouse. Going outside of his created order and having sex with other people besides your spouse only wreaks havoc, not only in that present relationship but in future relationships as well.
The idea of becoming bonded to someone for the rest of their life can be difficult for people to accept; it can feel daunting and scary to be a part of someone's life forever. However, as the years pass, a couple's love deepens. Their superficial attraction and love for each other deepen as people grow old together. Intimacy and trust develop in deep and meaningful ways. This is heightened during the sexual union and the raising of children and grandchildren. While it can feel daunting to be with one person for the rest of their lives, God is glorified, and a married couple enjoys deep, enriched relationships because they intimately know each other. This intimacy between a couple is to mirror the intimacy we are to achieve when we join Christ in heaven. This intimacy is also what Christ died for. God's will is for us to all have intimacy with him, just as we have with our spouses. Marriage is the ultimate mirror of the church and Christ. However, in our human frailty and weaknesses, we make mistakes that alter our relationship with each other and, ultimately, with God. Following God's way in terms of building intimacy with just one person not only gives us a glimpse into the intimacy we will achieve with God, but also the intimacy we long for here on earth.
Father, help us bond together within the confines of a married relationship. Let us leave our family and cling to each other. Let intimacy and trust build as a result. Help us not only to achieve the unity we long for here on earth, but also allow you to be glorified in the process. Amen.
Application Questions:
Why does God want couples to leave their families of origin and cling to each other?
Is it hard for you to cling to your spouse? Why or why not?
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