Offer a Gentle Response - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
Offer a Gentle Response
By: Michelle lazurek
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
At nineteen years of age, I was a young college student visiting her boyfriend for the weekend. Traveling on a side road to the store, I spotted another car to my right, which was stopped at a stop sign on a side street. A teenage boy as the driver then proceeded to take a left-hand turn before I passed him, causing me to slam on the brakes and broadsiding his driver’s side door. Terrified, I got out to check the damage. The boy panicked and tried to convince me not to call the police. A bystander came out of the nearby pizza restaurant and said, “Stay where you are. I’m calling the police.”
Once she called the police, she approached and comforted me by saying I had the right of way and the other car was at fault. Sure enough, an hour later, I left the scene, relieved by not receiving a ticket on my record but scared to tell my boyfriend I had been in an accident. I wasn’t at fault, but the high speed at which I was traveling made me question if the accident would have happened if I hadn’t been speeding.
“I have something to tell you,” I told my boyfriend. After I told him I got into an accident, followed by a litany of the words “I’m sorry,” he held me in his arms, rubbed my back, and told me it was going to be ok. He could have blown up and hollered me for my failure and lack of responsibility with my car. Instead, he spoke tenderly, knowing I was upset and already wracked with guilt. He mentioned I was lucky I hadn’t gotten a ticket for speeding. When I calmed down, I asked him, “How did you know I was speeding?”
“I saw the scene of the accident. No one going at a normal speed would make tire marks like that on the road.”
In that moment, I was upset with myself for my mistake. My irresponsible act of speeding caused me to have an accident that may never would have happened if I hadn’t been reckless. But rather than deliver a harsh rebuke for my failure, my boyfriend chose to be gracious and not flaunt what he knew to increase the guilt I already felt. He delivered a gentle response rather than a harsh one. If it had been my parents, I would have endured an hour-long lecture and a grounding that included losing my car for several weeks. But my boyfriend chose to demonstrate Christ and respond with grace and kindness.
In heated moments, especially when we are right when it comes to conflict, it’s tempting to want to pour down wrath. In the moment, it feels good to empty ourselves of negative feelings and boost our self-esteem. But a moment’s worth of pleasure can cause a lifetime worth of pain without even realizing it. In the long term, harsh words cause irreparable damage to our relationships. Even if a person deserves to hear wrath, kindness wins whenever it comes to keeping a healthy relationship.
It’s the same in marriage. It’s easy in conflict to want to get the last word or be right. Being right leads to a feeling of superiority and one spouse lording righteousness over the other. But Jesus never does that. He exudes humility. Delivering grace and mercy on society’s most ostracized groups of people. Jesus knew gentle answers pointed people to his father, but a harsh rebuke just added to the guilt Christ’s death served to eliminate.
Be the spouse who gives a kind word. I never forgot my boyfriend’s kindness all those years later. That boyfriend became my husband, and the gentleness and grace we demonstrate in our marriage demonstrate Jesus’ presence (and bring peace in conflict) in our marriage every time.
Father, help us respond with grace and kindness to everyone. In conflict, let us resist the urge to be right or heap guilt on the people we love the most. Grace and mercy demonstrate the fruit of the spirit, harshness and wrath does irreparable damage to our marriages. Let us treat others, especially our spouses, the way we would want to be treated. Amen.
Application Questions:
Why is it hard to speak to our spouses with grace and kindness?
How can you demonstrate gentleness in your response to your spouse today?
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