One Mistake Couples Make That Ruins the Relationship - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
One Mistake Couples Make That Ruins the Relationship
By: Kelly Balarie
“(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NKJV
Ding!
A text from one of my favorite friends popped up on my phone. Excited, I clicked it open to see what she had to say. She left a voice audio message.
She said, “Kelly, I’m sending you this podcast. I loved it, and I want to hear your thoughts about it….”
Seeing the podcast link below her message, I eagerly sought time to listen to it. Finally, I found a pocket of time and started listening, but the more I listened, the more I felt condemned. Rather than finding encouragement, I found dialogue discussing how imperfect parents can horribly mess up their kids. Ugh.
It talked about how parents should handle their kids in a specific way. Shame crawled up my arms, trying to reach my heart in order to tell me, “You are a horrible mom!’
I quickly turned off the podcast, took a deep breath and moved on with my day. I texted my friend about my struggles with the podcast.
Ding!
She messaged back, saying, “Kelly, I just wanted you to know I didn’t send that message to you to give you a subliminal message that you need to be a better mom. I didn’t send it because I thought you needed it. I sent it because I truly wanted to know your thoughts about it.”
In that moment, mentally, I knew I was at a crossroads. I could either believe that she didn’t have ulterior motives or trust what seemed true to me. I could either believe she wasn’t being passive-aggressive or keep my narrative that she was sending me a subliminal message.
I know this friend, though; I know her heart.
I decided then and there to trust her word as truth rather than let assumption rule over her declaration. She gave me her word, and I would trust it.
Upon making that decision to trust her, though, the thought occurred to me: How often do I trust my husband’s word above my own narratives about it?
The reality is that sometimes, he explains how a situation was an accident—yet I deem, in my mind, it was intentional. Sometimes, he says his goal was not to hurt me —yet I default to thinking he was trying to. Sometimes, he explains his motive was not how I see it—yet my interpretation seems so real that I hold on to it.
The situation with my friend made me ask: Why don’t I trust my husband’s word as the final word?
For instance, what if I was to stop letting my words speak over his heart’s intent? What if I trusted his declaration more than my quick assumptions? What if I believed the best instead of resorting to the worst thoughts about him?
Scripture says in 1 Cor. 13:7, “(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
God gives me the opportunity to believe and hope the best, instead of expecting the worst of my husband. Love hopes all things rather than believing all things are lies. Not only this but love bears up under mistakes by extending radial grace and leeway. This prevents small arguments from turning into giant-monster arguments that can ruin our relationship.
At the end of the day, it is wise to ask ourselves: How can we believe the best about our spouse in the heat of challenging moments? How can we hope all things when it appears we’ve lost hope? How can we trust their word even when our own narrative is screaming at us?
The grace of Jesus is always more powerful than the thoughts of our minds.
Plus, the measure of grace we extend often becomes the capacity of grace we can receive. Why is this? Because, in the rub of life, as we give the grace Jesus afforded us—to others, we start to really believe it. Then, in our moments of need, we figure it’s for us, too!
Bear up under, believe the best, hope always, never give up, and extend the grace you wish would be given to you in your hour of need!
Prayer:
Father, I admit today that I tend to believe the worst of my spouse. Often, I don’t hope for much out of my marriage. I repent of having lackluster faith. I repent of giving up my hope in you and in your work in them. I ask you to give me the power, by the grace of Jesus, to believe the best and hope the best for my spouse and our relationship. Help me trust them more than the quick assumptions that come to my mind. Build trust in our relationship. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Application questions:
-Consider a recent situation where you assumed your spouse’s intentions were negative. How could you apply 1 Corinthians 13:7 to that situation by choosing to believe the best about their intentions instead?
-What specific steps can you take this week to practice bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, and enduring all things in your marriage?
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