For the Girl Who Always Feels Like the “Better Friend” - Encouragement for Today - March 11, 2025

Grace Valentine March 11, 2025

For the Girl Who Always Feels Like the “Better Friend”
GRACE VALENTINE

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)

One morning, I saw a photo on social media of five girls, who I thought of as close friends, celebrating another friend's birthday. It’s crazy how a simple photo can ruin your day when you let loneliness and insecurity take hold. My thoughts spiraled:

Do they hate me since I wasn’t invited?
I bet they have a group text without me …
I invited them to my birthday party — why was I not invited to this one?
Why do I always feel like I have to be the “better friend”?

Maybe you’ve felt this way too. Maybe it’s a mom group that never invites you, friends who talk about their amazing marriages while forgetting the marital struggles or never-ending singleness you're walking through, or a birthday where you felt overlooked.

In those moments, what I need most is a reminder of God’s Truth. Here are four helpful truths that have comforted me when I'm struggling with feeling like the better friend:

1. Jesus is the better friend.
Jesus was betrayed and denied by those closest to Him. Yet He always showed up, offering gentleness, truth and love. We can strive to love people well like Jesus, even when they don't love us well back. Let's love others not because we want to earn better friendships or affection but because Jesus loved us first (1 John 4:19). Showing up and loving well is never wasted.

2. We can honor others, even in disappointment.
Romans 12:10 calls us to “outdo one another in showing honor.” That means caring for others even when it’s hard, offering patience when they mess up and forgiveness as we seek clarity and reconciliation. You and I can surround ourselves with a community of friends who strive to live out this radically loving life with both grace and truth.

3. God calls us to give grace, not excuses.
Loving others means extending grace, but it doesn’t mean ignoring hurtful patterns. Boundaries are both healthy and holy. Ask God to teach you how to love radically while trusting wisely. Ask Him to reveal which friendships require grace and which you may need to step back from. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is walk away from someone who consistently hurts you. Let love guide your actions, and let wisdom guide your trust.

4. Our worth is in Christ.
Friendship disappointments can challenge our sense of worth, but our value isn’t determined by our friends. Above all, we can rest in Jesus as our truest Friend, Counselor and Savior. May we let Him intervene in our thoughts and friendships instead of letting insecurity and loneliness fester. We are worth friendships that sharpen us and point us to Christ.

When friendships feel hard, remember this: Jesus is your constant. Trust Him to lead you to His best.

Dear Jesus, teach me to love radically yet trust wisely. Reveal any friendships I should step away from and any where I need to give more grace. You are the ultimate Friend, and as I care deeply for others, I want to celebrate Your love in me. Help me discern better, give grace more freely and set boundaries more wisely. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

OUR FAVORITE THINGS

Grace Valentine’s new book, The Better Friend, releases today! The Better Friend includes 12 truths to help you transform shallow and one-sided relationships into vibrant friendships. With this book, you’ll learn through Scripture and truth how to be a better friend and create the community and relationships God intended us to have. You can purchase your copy here!

Ever wish you had a group of women who get you, cheer you on, and help you grow in your faith? That’s exactly what Circle 31 Book Club is all about. In April, we’re reading Breaking Free from Body Shame by Jess Connolly — because, let’s be real, we all need a little freedom from the pressures of this world. It’s about time we see ourselves the way God does! Come join us for a fun, supportive and encouraging space where we can dig into books, uncover biblical Truth and lift each other up. The only thing missing is YOU. Join now!