God Didn’t Wait for Me to Be Perfect—He Just Wanted My Yes
Growing up, I heard about God but didn't have an authentic, personal relationship with him. My mom raised my brother and me on her own. While she did her best, we had our fair share of struggles. My dad also abandoned me at an early age, so that left me with a void, feeling like I wasn't good enough.
As I got older, I began to look for my identity in all the wrong places. Whether it was unhealthy, ungodly relationships with guys, or trying to seek validation and approval from hanging out with the cool kids at school. Continuing to grow older, I thought maybe if I got this job or made this certain amount of money, I would finally feel fulfilled. The search continued, but the hole just grew deeper and deeper. I remember my coworker asking me to come to church with her one day, and I told her, I'll go when I get myself together.
Little did I know that my salvation, my relationship with Jesus had nothing to do with me getting myself together. He just wanted me to surrender to him. In 2008, I finally did. My neighbor invited me to a young adult conference and I remember hearing the speakers talk about purity and living a pleasing life for the Lord and not yourself. And at the end of that conference, as the pastor prayed, I was in tears. I didn't walk down the aisle, but I knew at that moment that I had been living my life by trying to do things on my own, by my own accord, looking for fulfillment and love and identity in all the wrong places. I needed to let it go and say, Lord Jesus, I surrender my life to you. I remember walking out of the church, calling my best friend, and knowing I was different.
Everything changed for me. The Lord removed desires and the appetite for lust in the things of the world, and gave me a hunger and a thirst for him. I knew that while I still had those voids and holes in my heart, because I had decided to give my life to Jesus, he would gradually put me back together and make me realize that I was made new in him. The old had gone away and Keisha was a new person. I love God for choosing me and loving me enough to say that you are not the result of your mistakes or past, but you are who I have called you to be. My life has not looked the same since then. I haven't turned back. And while things are not perfect, I know I will be okay because I put my trust in the perfect one. I love much because I've been forgiven much.
Photo Credit: SWN Design
