God Met Me in My Struggle and Never Let Go
I'm here to share some of my story with you. I started off with kind of a boring testimony, but the best kind. I had Christian parents, we grew up in the church, and my parents were pastors. I saw some of the good, the bad, and the ugly of church, but in the end, I found a love for God's people. Some of the best people on the whole planet go to church, and I also really appreciate the community, and I believe God loves the church. That's the place he wants to change us and use to change this world. I kind of grew up that way, and then at 17, I met my now husband of 16 years, and God gave me the verse, Confessions 3.20, "God will do immeasurably above and beyond all you could think or ask or imagine." I didn't know what that meant and I still don't. I'm still learning, but I've seen through the journey of growing up, of becoming a mom, and some other things I'm going to share with you guys that God has continued to meet me in every season abundantly with so much grace, and that's really my story. It's a story of constantly having a need that meets a gracious God. I'm so thankful for that.
When my faith started to need a boost, when I started to question, and I started to struggle, I was 25. I became a mom, and I also enjoyed an onset of really severe anxiety and depression that went on for several years, and was a real struggle for me, and in this time, what I found was a deep questioning rise up. I adopted faith very easily because it was all I knew. Still, I have never really gone to the next level to explore who God is and evaluate internally whether I really believe this, because ultimately we can express our emotions our whole lives. Still, God knows our heart, and it's our heart posture that defines where we are going to spend eternity, and I really had some work to do in my heart as a young mom because I was terrified. I was terrified of death. I was terrified something would happen to this little person I love so deeply, and I was struggling in my marriage, and I was dealing with depression, and I didn't understand how to navigate any of this.
The context I had from the church was that if you had mental health issues, you know you are defective, which is not true, but I really didn't know who to reach out to. I didn't understand what was happening to me, and I was really questioning what happened to this God that I was told you know would lift any burden, and I had immediately, and my journey was a much more lengthy one, but I'm thankful for it. Anyway, so as I was going through this, I was really, really struggling with death. It was scaring me to death, and I just kept asking God How does a loving God let us die? How does a loving God let mothers lose their children? You know how a loving God leaves us in this world full of chaos and pain and unsuffering? You know, it just felt like too much.
How could I believe the truth of a loving God in a world so broken? And then one day the Holy Spirit when I was just you know probably going about my business I remember I was in my front entrance putting my purse away and I felt the Holy Spirit say you're wondering if I love you and you're wondering how I can let you face death and he said remember I beat death. I didn't leave you to face it on your own. I didn't leave you without hope. I beat death so that you could live with eternity in heaven with Jesus. That is how much I love you. And all my questions were soothed by that, that simple gospel truth that I had lost sight of, and my fear had blinded me to just the basics of Christianity, which is that God so loved the world he sent his only begotten son that we might not perish but have everlasting life.
Death is just a door to the next level to heaven with him for those who believe in him. We don't have to live afraid, even afraid of what's gonna happen to our children, because they are first God's children, and he loves them so much that he died for them. He loves them more than I do, and he has a good, hope-filled future for them.
So I just thank you God for giving us all this amazing hope that we can rely on that you are willing to abundantly meet us with grace when we question when we face trials and when we need your reassurance and reminders you are faithful to answer and I'm happy to report that after those years of struggle God has brought healing in my life from mental health issues I'm so grateful for and I'm also grateful for the struggle because I it helped bring a depth of faith that I needed to grow in order to know more of who God was so I pray that you would seek him don't be afraid of questions and and this is why my faith is something that will never change I need my Jesus I love my Jesus and I'm thankful for all the times he's met me right where I am.
Photo Credit: SWN Design
