Don't Do It for Them - iBelieve Truth - May 17, 2024
“As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13
“If it’s not on the family calendar, it doesn’t exist.”
I had tried many times in my tenure as a mother to enforce a family calendar, but working full-time pushed the necessity of it into reality.
“But mom – it is on the family calendar.”
“Let’s look …no, it’s not.”
“Oh – it’s on my calendar …sorry.”
The verse above can mislead us into being tempted to comfort every hardship in our children’s lives. And although we are called to comfort our children, it’s so important to do so in a way that reflects the way our Heavenly Father comforts us. He is always there, and He allows us the free will to live our lives, to the full …mistakes and all. He rejoices in the way we come to Him in prayer and through His Word for guidance in our everyday lives. It’s there, in that simple daily habit, that we learn the right way to comfort our kids.
Real life isn’t going to prepare my kids for real life. That’s my job. By offloading responsibilities to them, they earn some skin in the game of …real life. The result? Well, at first, they had to cancel plans and missed a few important engagements. It’s still not a perfect system, but our family calendar represents so many things my young daughters should be proud of because I watch parents micromanage and spoon-feed their teenagers all of the time.
It makes me sad because it steals the joy they could be experiencing from becoming responsible humans. When my daughters come to me with a “Can I do this?” idea, I am the first to become their biggest cheerleader, but I most certainly don’t take it on as my responsibility. I am there to support them, offer advice, and check in, but I will not do it for them.
Unfortunately, humans learn from making mistakes and doing things ourselves. If I don’t allow my children to make mistakes (obviously, there are healthy boundaries to this, like everything …I won’t let them walk into oncoming traffic, literally or hypothetically) and develop their communication skills, I’m stunting their growth as much as I would have if I had allowed them to live on Pop Tarts alone as little kids.
Wise mentors have littered my life with blessings of nuggets along my journey as a mother, and this is one of my favorites: “Children are smarter than we give them credit for.” I adopted that wise truth from the first time I saw my sweet daughter swaddled in that hospital blanket. I didn’t talk down to her and always assumed she was smarter than I could ever give her credit for. They are children of the Most High God! Of course, they are! That wisdom has served me so well as a mother, and my daughters don’t have to wonder what they would ever do without me because I have let them learn. They know where to find the Truth because they have witnessed my life.
Don’t do it for them. Let them apply all of the knowledge we have been soaking them in for the entirety of their lives and then revel in joy over the people they are becoming.
My daughters say they want to be like me, but I say, “No, please be YOU!” They want to be around me. We have a great relationship, and I truly believe it’s because I took the wise advice of godly mentors and enjoyed fellowship with moms in the same phase of life. The more we go to God and let go of them, the more joy we will find in watching them soar into God's will for their lives.
Let’s Pray:
Father,
Life as a parent and caregiver is so difficult! We do not know how You do it! You care for us so compassionately, working out the good plan You have for our lives as we doubt and worry and become impatient. Father, help us to reflect Your love to our children. Teach us when it's ok to let go as they grow older because, sometimes, it’s hard to know! We forget so quickly that You love our children more than we ever could and have a good plan for their lives, too. Help that rich truth sink down into our souls and give us peace and calm about parenting that is not of this world! God, thank You for choosing us for this role in life. You are purposeful in all things, God, and shower Your kindness and grace on us daily. Thank You. We love You. Bless our lives to reflect that love.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Galina Zhigalova
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Today we're doing something a little different. Instead of going deep in a passage, we're talking about what to do when deep feels like too much — when you need less, not more. Specifically, I'm walking you through one of my favorite practices for weary seasons: handwriting scripture.
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I'm sharing the five verses I wrote out for myself today — and why each one hit me fresh even though I've known some of them for years. This episode is part of our How to Study the Bible Podcast, a show that brings life back to reading the Bible and helps you understand even the hardest parts of Scripture. If this episode helps you know and love God more, be sure to follow the How to Study the Bible Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
