It's Okay to Give Yourself a Break - iBelieve Truth - March 18, 2024

"For now, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

It was late afternoon, and my mind was overflowing with the logistics of the evening. I was jumping through the list of things to get done, like when I needed to start dinner and how I would get myself ready. I jumped in the shower, and as I got out, I looked at the clock, 3:40; I was right on time. 

I walked into the kitchen and thought of how my lovely six-year-old daughter would be so happy that I made banana bread for her afternoon snack, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The bus. 

In my jumbled brain, I had forgotten to walk down to the bus stop to pick up my daughter at 3:30. Emmy is the youngest of four, so I have been doing bus pick-ups for many years; how in the world did this slip my mind? How could I have forgotten about her?

I screamed at my teen son to quickly put on his shoes and run to the corner. I watched out the window as he met up with Emmy, walking amidst the large group of moms and kids. I knew she was okay, but I was crumbling at what was going on inside her heart.  Jonah picked her up and carried her home. 

She walked in with a look of disdain, red in the face, and I immediately swept her into my arms and snuggled her on the couch. I let her whimper and be sad and quietly apologized for the mishap. I felt terrible. The weight of mom guilt was more than I could bear. My sensitive little one experienced fear and confusion at my hand. I couldn't stand it. 

She expressed her concerns and fears, but I assured her that we live in a safe place, that all the other moms were aware of my absence, and that they would always take care of her if they needed to. She was not alone, she was not abandoned, and she was still deeply loved. 

This, my mom friends, is what mom guilt is made of. Tiny little incidents of forgetfulness or neglect that cling to our hearts and don’t let go. Things forgotten, things left unsaid, or harsh words that escaped beyond our best intentions. The enemy has a hay day with our mistakes, wanting our guilt to weigh us down so thoroughly that we cannot do all God has for us. 

As I look back at all the years of motherhood, it is hard for me to remember or focus on the things I did right, only my shortcomings highlighted. 

Why do we tend to be so hard on ourselves? Why do we expect perfection of ourselves when we know full well that it is impossible? 

I texted the moms who helped her home that day, and they were so gracious. “It could happen to any of us,” one replied with empathy. We discussed our thankfulness for the mom tribe, and they were able to move on with no condemnation for me. But the condemnation I put on myself was hard to overcome. 

The verse in Romans 8:1 replayed in my mind over the next few days. I kept surrendering my guilt and my need for perfection to the Lord, but I kept picking it back up. Surrendering and letting go of what should have been is hard. It is not a one-and-done act. It is a lifestyle of surrender. It is a constant handing over. 

I prayed and asked God to forgive me. He promises in Psalm 103:12, “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.” The God of the universe can forgive us our sins and forget them. 

So, how do we overcome condemning ourselves?

We practice, practice, practice. We surrender our faults, recognize that we are human, and allow God to care for the rest. We are not condemned when we have Jesus. Plain and simple. And better yet, God can turn our shortcomings into something good. (Romans 8:28). One of the moms told me the incident allowed her to talk to her son about what to do if, for some reason, she is not at the bus stop. Needed conversations that you only think of having when something like this occurs. 

So today, let us remember that we are not perfect, that we can’t hold ourselves up to unrealistic standards, and that when we mess up, God takes it from us. We don’t have to live under the umbrella of guilt and shame. Jesus died on the cross to take our transgressions from us, so we should honor Jesus with our lives as we learn to forgive ourselves. 

Let’s Pray:

Lord, forgive me when I live under condemnation. The very condemnation you died on the cross to save me from. Help me to surrender my faults, my guilt, and my shame. Help me lay them at the foot of the cross and walk in the freedom you freely give me. Help me to live humbly, showing those around me what it means to live with the grace and forgiveness of your love. Help me to teach my kids what it looks like to follow Jesus powerfully, even when it is hard. Forgive me for speaking harmful and harsh words to myself, about myself, out loud, or in my heart. You love me with everlasting love, and I know it grieves your heart to hear your beloved children berate themselves. Thank you, Jesus, for the freedom that only you can bring. You are the way, the truth, and the life, and I want to live exuding all of that, even in my mistakes and humanness. Thank you, Jesus, for your love. 

In your precious name, I pray,

Amen

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Yolya

Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Western Washington. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at her local church and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing, she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.