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Refusing to Let Trauma Alter Your Worship - iBelieve Truth - October 26, 2023
Romans 12:11-12 (NIV) "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
My life as I knew it came to a screeching halt one Tuesday afternoon in 2013. I liken this day to carrying a large brown paper bag full of colorful fruit up a flight of stairs. Then it happens. As soon as I hear the bag tear, all the fruit escapes. Through the bag, through my hands, and down the stairs they roll. Talk about a free fall! Thump, thump, thump goes my red apples, my green apples, and my Sunkist oranges, down the steps in different directions. Simultaneously, a ton of unanswered questions fill my head as I yell and double back down the steps, carrying a completely empty bag. Did I get a faulty sack? Which apple do I pick first? Are people laughing at the sight of me running to save my fruit? Is any of this fruit salvageable?
The torn bag symbolizes my home. The fruit symbolizes my family namely, my husband and my two daughters. And the stairs symbolize my faith.
The traumatic event I experienced on that particular day knocked me to my knees. Before it became a posture of prayer for me, it was my position of grief and uncertainty. How could this happen to me? Us? Can I move from this place? Is this place permanent? Then there’s the infamous prayer I asked for the first year or so of my trial, …Lord, when will things go back to the way they used to be?
As a woman of faith, I was there with my faith on trial. Do I really believe in this God that I sing about? This God that I teach the middle-aged Sunday school students about? This God that I share with others when they need to be encouraged? There I was at a fork in the road needing to decide which way to go. Will I trust God with this heartbreak, or do I give up? After all, everybody watching would understand if I walked away from my faith. There was even a time that I vacillated between can God and God can. This trauma literally was seeking to take me out. I had to dig deep within my soul and grab hold of the roots that helped me to understand just who God had already been to me in my life. I also had to keep the roots of bitterness from forming. Identifying the appropriate culprit responsible for causing the hurt and pain in my life was paramount. I could not ascribe similar hurt to others because of my trauma. I was in a vulnerable state. Once I got a firm footing on what I was faced with, it was only then that I began to believe surely God can.
In seasons of adversity, it is not the appealing prayers but fervent ones that God responds to. I had to learn to tell God how I truly felt about my family situation. I don’t understand this, I don’t like this, I hate this, I’m hurt.
Romans 12:11-12 really speaks to the person who has a love for God, but it can come under scrutiny when you are faced with trials and tribulations. Will you remain zealous about how God can keep you? Will you tell others of his goodness when you don’t feel the goodness? Or will you allow the attacks from the enemy to sew your mouth close?
Don’t lose your spiritual fervor! Walk your faith out. That’s what I’ve learned to do. God is good when my family is together, and God is still good with my family apart. We may be apart for the time being, but it doesn’t change who God is and what He has done and can do! He is keeping us all. He can keep you too! I know the feat you are facing may be hard to endure. Philippians 4:13 (NIV) reads, "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." God is the great Multi-tasker. He can work things out on your behalf, supply your strength, and give you peace of mind.
If you attend church, continue to go. You may not feel like it but get up and go. There is safety in a community of believers. The enemy would want nothing more than for you to isolate yourself so that he can have a field day in your head. The opposer of God wants to paralyze your praise with traumatizing thoughts. In moments like these, use the word of God as your weapon against the enemy’s tactics. In that same chapter of Philippians, verses 8-9 we find the kill shot to win back soundness of mind. The (NIV) text reads, Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. When you read the word of God, read it out loud. Begin addressing the dark cloud that hovers over your head commanding it to dissipate in Jesus’ name. The lies will immediately evaporate, your mind will be set free, and your tongue will be released to praise God. Trauma cannot alter your worship. Psalm 18:6 (NIV) states, In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
If you don’t have a church home, I advise you to connect yourself with a local bible teaching assembly in your area. If you don’t know where to go, or where to start, simply pray and ask God to direct you so that you can find your hands something to do as you wait on God to finish the good work he has begun in your life. This is what being patient in affliction looks like.
As you begin your journey of healing, you will get stronger. You’ll realize time has passed, and the pain of the distress is no longer dictating your schedule. Eventually, you will be on the other side or learn to accept your lot and rejoice in it.
I am not on the other side of my trial, but I can undoubtedly say that regarding the joy I have today, the world didn’t give it to me, so the world can’t take it away. The fact that you are reading this devotional right now testifies to just how faithful God will be when you stay locked in with Him.
When tests and trials come into our lives, they are not designed to kill us. They come to help create in us a witness to share with others about how good God is. Even on your worst day, God is still good. The beautiful thing is that we may not always start off thinking God is good, but we eventually arrive to the blessed assurance where we can clearly see and know, we are never alone.
As I am gathering the produce from my torn paper bag, my run has turned into a walk to gather the fruit. I’ve accepted I can’t pick up fruit that’s running away. I had to wait until the fruit came to a standstill before I could decide what to do with it. From what I can see, some of the fruit, while bruised, is still salvageable. And then some of the fruit had to be discarded. Maybe you’ve been running around in circles, unsure of what to do first when trauma showed up in your life. Maybe you need to slow down and wait for things to settle before you dive into the mess. Rest assured that God knows what is best for everyone affected by the crisis that brought you to the place of uncertainty about his goodness towards you. This is what hope looks like. It’s now been 10 years since my bag tore. I feel closer to God than I felt a decade ago. I have a new mindset and an intensified praise to go along with it.
At the onset of this trauma, I struggled with hope, but God, in His longsuffering, extended grace at the exact moment when I needed to find His hand again. I’m glad I didn’t walk away from Him. I love God more now than I did back then. It is my prayer that you, too, will be healed and understand that trauma does not have to alter your worship today or any day to come.
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