3 Reasons Why It's Not Good for Christian Men to Be Alone

Internet experts say it takes someone half-a-second to judge a webpage before moving on. I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now. But it wouldn’t be surprising if you were at the start, middle, or end of a very busy day. Lots of pressure! And you just checked into this, to see if anything can inspire you. Why not grab a coffee and take 10 minutes to really consider this Bible passage and its implications for you? Ask God to guide you in your thoughts. You are not unnoticed as you read this - the Holy Spirit is with you! 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” And out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:18-22)

Surely every man is familiar with the romantic narrative of a lone ranger riding into town on his fearless horse. He is a stereotype often played in movies by stars such as Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson (the actor, not the famous UK prisoner who covered himself in butter and attacked prison guards!). The ranger is the subconscious secular envy of most of us: he can swig scotch whisky with hardly a grimace, twirl his pistol like a pencil, and one look from his squinty eyes causes the local dame to faint into his arms. 

The cowboy, appearing out of a dust storm and wearing a leathery, taciturn expression, needs nobody’s help. The mere fact that he’s appeared in a town - rather than galloping wild and alone on his stallion towards the sunset - is in itself an anomaly. This man hates company. He lives for himself, trusts no one, and simply doesn’t need relationships in his life. He’s also an anti-hero: hunting and killing bad guys at the drop of a hat and rescuing idle townsfolk from the clutches of the local posse, often led by an evil sheriff. The local undertaker is always kept busy when the lone ranger appears in town. 

Most men have watched these movies again and again. That’s because most of us have bought into the idea that we need to be that kind of guy: independent, self-satisfied, and willful. We have a secret desire to be a lone ranger. 

That is ironic because - here’s a fact - the lone ranger is a lie. 

And here’s why:

1. God Said So

God looked at a man one day and simply said this: “It’s not good for this man to be alone.” How many of us have glanced at this verse in Genesis and missed the point? Yes, the understanding was that the man needed a wife (the animals weren’t deemed suitable for obvious reasons). But the Lord was saying more than that. He was stating that his new creation was not designed to be a lone ranger. 

Man shouldn’t be alone. By himself, he doesn’t do well. That means men (meaning all men) were crafted to live in relationships with wives, families, churches, friends, communities, etc. However, that unity fits within a godly context for the individual. It is not good for a man to be alone. God said so!

2. Your Pet Dog Isn’t Enough

As mentioned above, the animals were brought to Adam - by God himself - to see if they would make suitable companions. No, they didn’t because they weren’t human. The Lord did not approve. For some of us, that seems galling. What about dear old Fred, your dewy-eyed, dopey labrador? That dog is your loyal defender. He would chew the leg off any intruder threatening your welfare, right? True, but he’s still not suitable for proper company. That’s not to say you can’t enjoy nice times with Fred, or Minxy the cat - even a pet rattlesnake if you own such a reptile. But none of these animals are a replacement for people. 

To make the point clear: pet animals won’t really end your loneliness. You need church. By ‘church’, I mean real guys who you can share personal stuff with, and both give and receive encouragement in prayer. I am not referring to ‘church’ as a weekly meeting place where you put on a religious smile, talk about inane things over a plastic cup of coffee - and then retreat for the rest of your week into a hidden, painful world. It is not good for you, as a man, to be alone. Your pet dog isn’t enough. You need a real church. 

3. You Need a Helper

If God is enough for us, why is Adam given Eve as a helper? Not sure I know the answer to that one. However, consider this. His answer to the man’s need for support is to create a woman. God channels his love through Eve to Adam, and vice versa. He reaches the man through the woman’s heart, and Adam adores her in return. The harmony of this couple originates from the Lord, and he sustains them.  

God loves creation! He’s a typically dedicated artist, though, who just keeps on going with his work. The intention was never for the couple to be a standalone unit, but for them to evolve instead as a family with God at the head and perhaps children for further companionship. In a sense, and I may be riding like a lone ranger into rough theological territory here, the marriage triangle of God-Adam-Eve mirrors the Holy Trinity in community. 

Jesus came as God-in-skin right into our world to kill our loneliness, alongside offering forgiveness and eternal salvation. His entrance during the time of the Roman Empire was as spiritually effective for Adam, as it was for you and me. And our wives. And our children. He freed us all from alienation to become loved members of his clan.

If you are called to singleness, real church is definitely enough for you (and not dogs, even though they are affectionate). You will know that your helper is the Bride of Christ. But if you are called to marriage - your wife is your helper, although you still need church guys. As you honor your woman, and she helps you, that private loving union creates an incredibly powerful dynamic, which blesses others. And whatever your situation, remember that the Holy Spirit is called THE Helper (John 14:26). He will guide you into his community, as you trust him. 

So… ditch the lone ranger idea. Embrace God and hold your wife in love as she helps you. Spend time with the kids whilst they’re still kids. Be active in a real church community. And remember that your cute dog is very nice and friendly - but he’s just a dog!

It is not good for any man to be alone. God said so.

Christopher Eyte lives with his wife Céline and three children in Swansea, Wales, UK. He has worked as a journalist for many years and writes his own blog (hislovefrees.life) encouraging others in their walk with Jesus. He became a Christian in February 2002, after a friend explained God's amazing grace!