What Viewing Pornography Says about the Vulnerable

A “Solution” Which Adds to the Problem

I was a youth pastor more than a decade ago and lust/pornography was a frequent topic of discussion. I remember back then much of the admonition involved averting the eyes. If you found someone attractive the best way to battle lust, it was thought, was to immediately turn your gaze away. Men were presented as visually stimulated and almost animalistic. The more they feed their flesh, it was thought, the worse the addiction will become. The answer, then, was to no longer look at any images or have any lustful thoughts. Verses like Psalm 101:3 was used to encourage young men to not put an “unclean object” before their eyes. And those “unclean objects” often became their peers of the opposite gender.

In my opinion, this counsel does not get to the root of the issue. In fact, it may be guilty of building up the foundation of lustful thoughts rather than tearing them down. It ends up viewing women as objects instead of as people created in the image of God. And objectification is often at the root of pornography addiction. There is a deep-seated connection between anger and lust. And this way of doing battle often leads to a cycle of failure. Let’s build an equation together and see what happens.

First, men are viewed as fundamentally biological creatures who have an insatiable appetite for sex. But there is only one place in which this desire is supposed to be fulfilled—the marriage bed. If men do not have frequent sex they will battle with lust, seems to be the predominant thought in much “Christian” literature. The only way to fight this battle is to keep your desire in check, and that happens through rigorous self-denial and not feeding the monster of visual stimulation.

Secondly, women are viewed as the source of this temptation. Since there is only one woman (the wife) who can be the destination of the male all other females are viewed as potential threats to holiness. Their beauty is seen as a threat that must be avoided at all costs. If you see beauty and honor, you absolutely must avert your eyes or you will end up feeding your flesh tank.

This way of thinking is as old as the New Testament. This is partially why it was so appalling that Jesus was alone with the woman at the well in John 4. It’s unthinking that a man could be interacting with a woman and there not be some form of sexual transaction taking place—if even only in his own mind.

Let’s now add to our equation a young man who messes up. Someone catches his attention and he doesn’t avert his eyes. He is overcome with lustful thoughts that he unsuccessfully tries to battle. He’s now angry. Angry with himself. And filled with shame. He knows he has disappointed his heavenly Father and he’s resigned himself to a purposeless existence. And underneath every bit of this is seething anger. He’s not only angry at himself, he’s angry at the “pretty girl” who made him have those thoughts.

Eventually, he views pornography in an attempt to feed that monster of lust. His shame tells him that this is all he is worth. But it’s really his anger that is driving the bus. He’s viewing pornography as an attempt to regain a sense of control. I think Jay Stringer gets to the heart of what is happening with pornography usage:

It strikes me that if we truly longed for beauty, connection, enjoyment, and pleasure as much as people claimed, we would be spending far more time pursuing it. The evidence suggests something to the contrary. We pursue pornography not because we are pursuing beauty but precisely because we prefer to consume and control it. (Stringer, Unwanted, 115)

And it is my contention that much Christian literature on this topic is built around attempts to consume and control beauty rather than honor it. There is a better path forward.

A Better Path Forward?

There is a story that Diane Langberg likes to share in a seminary class she teaches on sexual abuse. She says this:

As pastors, you will have power in your relationships with congregants…always. Whether you feel powerful or vulnerable, at any given time, you’re the one with the power in that relationship. Your words and actions carry authority. If a woman comes to see you for counseling about her marriage and one day, confused and longing for attention, she stands up and undresses in front of you, what happens next depends entirely upon you. What she has done tells us some things about her, for sure. But what you do in response tells us about you. It tells us what you are like in the presence of unfettered vulnerability. (Langberg, Redeeming Power, 25)

What if we took these words and thought about how they relate to pornography addiction? When another human is in front of you—even if pixelated—in any level of vulnerability how are you responding? And what is this saying about you? It doesn’t matter if she was paid to appear on screen. Though it’s probably more likely that she is a victim of sex trafficking herself, she may have willingly chosen this lifestyle. That is beside the point. She has placed herself in a vulnerable position. Using a vulnerable person for your own gratification is never a Christian response to vulnerability.

Yes, it is possible that such a way of thinking could lead to a deeper sense of shame. But it is probably God-given shame that we ought to feel for not walking the path of Jesus. And it is precisely this type of shame which the gospel of Jesus overcomes. He knows that we’ve all been guilty of exploiting others. He knows that you’re one who has also been exploited in some form or fashion. It’s the human condition. But Jesus redeems us out of this mess. Let us be honest about what is actually happening when engaging in pornography use.

The gospel is what cuts the legs out from under a monster of lust. Because the gospel deals with our abuse of power. The gospel reshapes the way we think about vulnerability. As we walk the path of Jesus, we no longer see a vulnerable person in front of us as one to be used but rather as one to be covered, loved, and helped. And the gospel heals our shame and our anger.

I conclude with these hopeful words from Jay Stringer:

In pornography, a victim is chosen to suffer violation in order to offer the porn user revenge and escape. In the gospel, humanity chooses an innocent victim to suffer death. In Jesus’ atonement, we are paradoxically offered the justice and rest we most desire. Both pornography and Jesus appeal to the deepest longings in our hearts. Only one offers freedom. (Stringer, 121)

**I’ve focused almost exclusively here on pornography use by men of women. Though I believe there may be some differences in experience I still think these words could be helpful to a person of any gender struggling with unwanted sexual desire of any sort.

Photo Credit: Alan Navarro/Unsplash