How to Build a Solid Prayer Life

I must confess that my praying leg is shorter than my preaching leg. But I think it’s getting longer. Early on in ministry and in my walk with Christ, prayer was something that came naturally. But then I “matured.” And if I’m being honest, my faith took a few hits along the way. My prayer life wasn’t nearly as vibrant. I knew I needed to pray, but it wasn’t the passionate and specific prayer of my earlier days. My praying leg shrank as my preaching leg grew.

Thankfully, the Lord stepped in. I’m not where I want to be in my prayer life, but I believe I’m growing. I’m starting to pray bold and specific prayers again. If you’re looking for an expert on prayer, there are probably other articles that are better. If you’re looking for someone who has/does struggle with developing a strong prayer life, and you want to know a few tips that have helped me along the way, keep reading.

What Is a Solid Prayer Life? 

There is an old illustration about an archer shooting arrows into an open field. There is no target set up. Thus, there is no way to measure accuracy or success. Without a clear target or goal, we don’t know if we’re accomplishing what we’ve set out to do. Prayer is similar.

In one sense, the question itself seems a little silly. Prayer isn’t a performance. There isn’t a rubric for prayer. This is likely why the disciples said to Jesus, “Teach us to pray.” They saw something in the way He engaged with the Father that they wanted in their own life. There was an intimacy there that they longed for. Which, I assume, is what you’re looking for when you read an article on building a solid prayer life. You just want to “be better” at praying.

In another sense, it is an entirely reasonable question. It fits in the category of “How to build a solid marriage.” Nobody would say that this is a foolish endeavor and that marriage isn’t a performance. Well, no, it’s not a performance. It’s not in that category. But we also know there is a difference between a solid marriage and one that is on the rocks. Our prayer life is similar. We know there is such a thing as a vibrant and solid prayer life. What, then, does that look like?

Three words come to my mind as I think through this: meaningful, consistent, and honest. A meaningful prayer life means that when you pray, it means something. It’s not a perfunctory prayer where you say the same “Father God’s” and “bless this” and “help with that” and close it all up by giving a shout-out to Jesus. It might include every one of those words, and they might be deeply heartfelt and meaningful. Prayer is meeting with the living God. If it’s not meaningful, then it’s probably not prayer. Prayer is an unburdening of the heart before the Lord.

A solid prayer life also needs to be consistent. If I only communicated with my wife once every couple of weeks, I don’t believe anyone in their right mind would say that our marriage was solid. Likewise, a solid prayer life will be consistent. This might mean that you have a specific time and place set aside to commune with God in prayer. Or it might mean that throughout the day you are engaging in continual conversation and what we might call “breath prayers”. These are prayers that are no longer than it requires to take a breath. A solid prayer life will consistently pray.

Lastly, a solid prayer life will be honest. To be honest not only means that we are authentic with our fears and struggles, but it will also mean that we are honest about who God is. It’s hardly a healthy relationship if you relate to the other person as if they are someone they are not. In the same way, a solid prayer life will be grounded in truth. If I’m hiding who I am, pretending I’m someone I’m not, or relating to a false God, my prayer life isn’t solid.

There is more that can be said about a solid prayer life, but if these three things define our prayer life, we’ll be healthy.

Where Does a Solid Prayer Life Come From? 

The simple answer here is that a solid prayer life comes from God and His grace. Yet, there are certain things that can cultivate this meaningful, consistent, and honest prayer life. I’ve come up with four things. We might say that a solid prayer life will come from being theologically grounded, gospel-saturated, Spirit-directed, and frequently practiced.

The best thing for our prayer life is to know God. When I say being theologically grounded, I do mean knowing about God. But it’s more than this. It is a lived theology. When we dive deep into the character of God, prayer will be inspired. The more I am convinced that God is my refuge, the more I’ll be prone to go there. Authentic and passionate prayer will come naturally if I realize, through a lived-out theological understanding of humanity, that I am utterly dependent upon God.

It is also vital that I am saturated with the gospel. Often, our prayer life is distorted because we are overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Or worse yet, we forget of our desperate need for God. The gospel of Jesus reorients us. It is honest about sinfulness. But the good news of Jesus also reminds us of the glorious reality of our forgiveness. Because of Jesus, we have unfettered access to the throne room of God. The more I realize this, that prayer isn’t a duty as much as a wonderful privilege, the more we’ll be inclined to take advantage. God wants to hear from me. And I’m free to be myself when I come before Him.

If we are directed by the Spirit, we will be praying people. And when we are gospel people—always shining a spotlight on Jesus, the Spirit will be definitely present. The Spirit convicts us of unrighteousness and sin but also applies the gospel to us. The Spirit is able to groan when we don’t even have words. To be a Spirit-directed person will mean that, at times, we are “driven into the wilderness.” And at other times, it will mean that we are lifted to the mountaintops.

Lastly, a solid prayer life will come from the simple, awkward discipline of doing it every day. I don’t want to say that prayer becomes a habit, but I also totally want to say that. It’s not bad to have something like prayer as a habit. Habit doesn’t need to mean dry. Habit can just as easily mean being. I don’t know many people who lament the habit of brushing your teeth. Why do we get weird when we talk about praying as a habit? I kind of want to be the person who instinctively brushes my teeth when I feel a bit of stank protruding from my face hole. Why would I not want to have that same impulse spiritually?

How do we cultivate this foundation? Here are a few quick tips for help.

Quick Tips to Develop a Solid Prayer Life

One of the most powerful things we can do is a discipline called preaching the gospel to yourself. I like to combine this practice with the attributes of God. Let me explain. One way that we can present the gospel is through God, Man, Christ, and Response. We share who God is, what He requires, and then our sinful response and rebellion. From this, we will talk about the consequences of our rebellion. Then, we learn that Christ is the answer to our rebellion and the consequence of it. Finally, we consider our response to the work of Christ.

I like to follow a similar thread with an attribute of God. As an example, we might focus one morning on God’s kindness. I’ll take a brief moment to think about how God is kind. Then, I’ll think about my own kindness and how it woefully falls short of His. And I’ll take a moment to reflect upon God’s kindness to me. From here, I can think about how God’s kindness is perfectly displayed in Christ. How will I respond to this kindness? Will I run to Him or away from Him? Will I be kind to myself?

Doing this builds our theological understanding of God as we rehearse from Scripture the character of God. It also causes us to be drenched in gospel promises. This provides a rock-solid foundation for my response to God. Rehearsing these things gives me a way to frame my time of prayer. It gives me focus and direction, which I desperately need.

Another tip for building a solid prayer life is to pick a specific time and place to engage in this discipline. There are certain habits so ingrained that when we don’t do them, we feel them in our bodies. Sadly, I know that picking up my phone in the morning is one of these habits I have developed. If I don’t look at my phone early in the morning, I almost feel like I’m missing a limb. (Isn’t that awful?) I want prayer to be the same thing. And it will be if we have a specific time and place where we train our bodies to say, “I should be praying right now.”

I’ve also greatly benefited from leaning into breath prayers. Breath prayers are ancient. They are six to eight syllables and fit easily into one inhale and exhale. As an example, we might inhale and say “peace of Christ”, then exhale and say “calm my heart.” They are simple little statements that anchor us in God’s presence. They help bring our heart, mind, and body into order. It has also helped me to pray continually.

Lastly, pray in a community. Praying with others can help to keep us accountable. I’ve also found it helps me to stay focused and specific. It’s good to have someone not only asking about your prayer life but praying with you. It can be challenging and encouraging to partner with someone else in prayer. If you’re not able to get these disciplines together on your own, consider grabbing another believer and saying, “I need some help. Would you be willing to commit to praying with me weekly?”

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Jacob Wackerhausen

This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com.