8 Ways to Better Connect with Your Adult Children

1. Meet with Them Weekly

One way to better connect with your adult children is to meet with them weekly. More often than not, you probably don't see your adult children every day. They might live in another state or in another country. Since this is true for most people, try to be intentional about spending time with them weekly. Maybe you can't meet in person, but try to meet over FaceTime or a phone call. Any of these ways can help you better connect with your adult children. 

By being active in their life, you will be able to build a stronger connection with them. Your adult children are probably busy with their own lives, but you never need to forget how much they love you and want you in their lives. As someone who lost their mom at a young age, I know it would be a great blessing to still see my mom or meet up with her at least weekly. This is true for most children as they still love their parents and want to spend time with them. 

When you meet with your children weekly, they will know that they are truly loved. If parents stay out of their children's lives or just assume their children don't want to see them, their adult children will believe you don't want to be in communication with them, which can really hurt their feelings. Take the incentive to be involved in your adult children's lives and to meet with them weekly. If you can't meet in person, try a phone call or a video call. 

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2. Have a Shared Holiday

A second way for parents to connect with their adult children is to have a shared hobby. Sometimes children pick up on the same hobbies as their parents. Maybe your son loves soccer just like you or your daughter loves painting just like you. Try to find this shared hobby and spend time together doing this hobby. When you are working on a project together, it will be easier to talk with each other and build a stronger relationship. 

A shared hobby can be anything you want. Be creative and be attentive to what your children are interested in. Even something as simple as shopping can be a shared hobby between you and your adult children. The key here is to find a hobby you both enjoy doing in order for you to build a stronger connection with them. Maybe you can't find a shared hobby you both enjoy. If this happens, try to do something your adult child loves and have fun trying something new. 

Even if you don't preferably enjoy biking, swimming, or drawing, try the hobby with the purpose of building a better relationship with your adult child. Your adult child will appreciate it, and it will help your overall relationship with them. Communication is key in any relationship, and through participating in a hobby they love, you will be able to connect better with them.

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3. Listen to Them

A third way to better connect with your adult children is to listen to them. This might sound basic, but it is something parents tend to ignore. Parents often think they know best, but your child is an adult now. They are capable of making their own decisions, and sometimes, their perspective might be something you could learn from. Listen to your adult children and be open to hearing their point of view. 

Your child is still your child, but they are an adult. This means they need to be treated as such and respected. Listen to your adult child and be respectful of what they say. Listening is a crucial part of better connecting with someone. If you fail to listen to your adult child, they will pick up on it, and it might damage your relationship. It is best to listen to your adult children and not ignore what they have to say. 

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4. Show Compassion

A fourth way to better connect with your adult children is to show compassion. For many parents, this can be difficult. My mom was someone who had zero compassion as it wasn't her personality. In retrospect as an adult, I wish she would have tried to cultivate compassion because it would have helped me a lot during my teen years. Despite this in my teen years, even adults still need compassion.

As you listen and interact with your adult children, show compassion to them. Listen to their perspective and be a shoulder to lean on. If your adult child is coming to you with issues, don't try to offer quick solutions, and don't try to invalidate how they are feeling. Instead, extend compassion to them and do your best to foster compassion in every area of your life. Everybody is human, which means we are not robots.

We all have feelings and we need compassion. Just because your children are adults doesn't mean they don't need compassion anymore. If you find that you have never been a compassionate person, try to cultivate it in your everyday life. You will be able to build a stronger connection with your adult child if you can show compassion. 

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5. See Things from Their Point of View

A fifth way to build a better connection with your adult children is to try to see things from their point of view. I understand this can be difficult; however, you need to try. Maybe they are struggling with finances, mental health issues, or their relationships. It can be easy as a parent to try to swoop in and fix the issue but try to just see things from their perspective. 

Especially in matters of mental health, you need to try to see things from their perspective. Maybe you don't have depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, but try to understand them. Your adult child has gone through a lot and some of it you might not have been there to see. Try to see things from their perspective and this will help you better connect with them in the long run. 

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6. Withhold Judgment

Withholding judgment is a sixth way of connecting better with your adult children. It can be easy as a parent to judge what your child does or doesn't do. Even though this is common, don't be one of those parents. Rather than showing judgment, extend love, peace, and compassion. Nobody is supposed to judge anyone as only God is the Judge. 

Moreover, judging your children or making them feel bad about their choices will only cause them to distance themselves from you. It is best to not judge them and to instead show them love. Adult children still want the approval and acceptance from their parents, but they won't be able to get that if their parents are judging them. Try to focus on showing genuine love and concern for your adult children rather than judging them or making them feel bad about themselves.

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7. Extend Love and Care

A seventh way to build a better connection with your adult children is to extend love and care. Yet again, this might sound basic, but it shouldn't be. It is often overlooked and adult children are left feeling unloved and not cared about. When you make an effort to ensure your adult children are feeling loved and cared about, you will have a better connection with them. Just as we choose to surround ourselves with people who genuinely love and care about us, adult children will choose to only surround themselves with parents who actually love and care about them.

Sadly, many parents treat their children badly and this can extend into adulthood. If you have been one of those parents, know you can try to make things right, but it might not go as you plan. It could be that your child doesn't want you in their life, and you have to respect their decision. Although they might not want you in their life because of your past actions, you can still extend love and care to them when your paths cross in the future.

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8. Talk About Past Mistakes and Repair Wounds

An eighth way to better connect with your adult children is to talk about past mistakes and repair these wounds. While this can be weighty for many people, sometimes it can help adult children experience the peace they deserve. As much as parents strive to be good parents, they will still fail. We are all humans, and we are all sinners (Romans 3:23). Since this is true, we will all fall short in every area of our lives, including parenthood. 

When you are meeting with your adult children, talk about these past hurts and try to make them right. It might not happen overnight, but with time, you might be able to build a better relationship with them in the future. Even talking about these things for a little bit of time can help your adult children heal and provide you with a chance to apologize for past hurts. Never underestimate how much an apology can help in someone's healing. 

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