3 Brave Steps to Face the Disappointments of Quarantine

The other day I deleted countless events from my calendar. At first, I was resolute, but with each tap of the trash button, I felt my frustration grow and then plummet into disappointment.

Unfulfilled expectations, whether they’re high, low, or midrange, result in disappointments. Our low expectations keep us from being too disappointed, but don’t give us much hope. Too high of expectations can make us impossible to live with or plunge us into the depths of despair.

I had the normal expectation that spring would bring its normal schedule filled with lessons, activities, and events.

I have low expectations that I will have a long-term stay on the coast of Ireland, and I have high expectations that my children will treat one another with love and respect. The former expectation provides little possibility of disappointment while the latter holds potential for greater disappointment.

I have other expectations as well. I expect that if I work hard to develop the skill that I’ll receive recognition or regard. The realistic expectation is that I can still work hard, but still be invisible. Disappointments are part of life.

Others disappoint us when they fail to meet an expectation we had for them. We expect others to return our phone calls, respond to our requests, or recognize our abilities. We disappoint ourselves when we don’t reach our goals, give a harsh reply, or make mistakes.

We can be disappointed with God and wonder why he’s let us down. We ask why he didn’t intervene and possibly feel abandoned. Disappointment with God, ourselves, and others creates prime opportunities for bitterness to take root.

One year, we reseeded our lawn with a mixture of grass seed recommended for our Zone 4 climate. We watered it, waited and watched our 1.1 acres turn lush. It was beautiful!

Two years later, patches began to die. Some type of blight began on one side of the lawn and crept across it until our yard had tiny green tufts in a sea of brown. Our expectations of a beautiful lawn ended in disappointment.

We cultivate the soil of our hearts, we guard our hearts, and we keep them soft so that we grow in love, joy, and hope.

Unfulfilled expectations become disappointments, and ignored disappointments allow bitterness to slowly choke out the good in our hearts.

Bitterness is like a fox with a flaming rag tied to its tail. It runs through our heart’s landscape setting little fires, and if we don’t address them, bitterness devours the good. To prevent bitterness from influencing our lives and the lives of our loved ones, we must address our disappointments COVID-19 has brought.

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Aliyah Jamous

1. Move beyond “Why?” to “What?”

Coming to God with our sorrows, frustrations, and disappointments is the first step in dealing with our disappointments. It’s okay to sorrow over your losses—whether they’re big or small. One of the risks in dealing with disappointments lies with comparison. We begin to compare our small disappointments with someone else’s bigger disappointments. We don’t think we have the right to feel disappointed over our canceled trip when someone else is dealing with the disappointment of unemployment.

When we are aware of the sufferings of others, it brings needed compassion to our lives because it helps us bear one another’s burdens. But, when we fail to extend the same compassion to ourselves, our disappointments get ignored.

Ignored disappointments lead to bitterness, which reveals itself in future responses to others and to circumstances. We must recognize our present-day disappointments, whether they be large or small.

Feel the sorrow. Acknowledge the anger. God cares about our concerns.

Cast all your anxiety on him for he cares for you. Anxiety evidences itself through sorrow, disappointment, anger, or numbness. Ask the “why” questions. Wrestle with the silence. Be disappointed with the answers. Then move onto the “what.”

Moving to the "what" signifies a shift in perspective. It signifies a “be still and know that he is God” moment.

The “what” leads us closer to surrender. It’s in disrupted plans and expectations that God reveals more of himself to me and I find more freedom as I relax my hold on the outcome of this life.

The question to ask is: “What does God want to reveal about himself, myself and my relationship with others?” Start with why and then move towards what.

It places our heart in a posture to receive rather than reject. Surrender and rest saves us from the seeds of bitterness that want to choke out all the good God does in our hearts.

2. Name the Disappointments

What disappointments has COVID-19 brought to your life? Name them.

Feel the heartbreak. It’s okay to sit in sorrow and let the tears fall.

Our current situation is not normal and echos Jesus’s words in John 16:33, “in this world you will have trouble, but take heart; I have overcome the world.” Trouble has come. And we need to deal with the aftershocks trouble bring.

In our anguish of heart, God hears our cries and comforts us, but first, he listens and captures our tears as they fall.

Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book.”

Night comes and sleep doesn’t. We toss and turn worrying our thoughts round and round. God sees and keeps watch with us.

Our hearts cry, our tears flow, and God captures them.

Another translation of this psalms says that he gathers them into a wineskin. Imagine your tears lovingly preserved rather than evaporated away.

Your heartache matters because God loves you. Name those disappointments.

Write every one of them down. Cry over them. Then receive God’s comfort.

3. Follow Up with a God Statement

It’s exhausting to stay in the state of nighttime tossing as tears sop our pillow. We yearn for relief, for peace, and for someone to understand and walk alongside us.

The Lord holds compassion in his heart for us and gives us comfort. Matthew 9:36 states, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

Once we’ve named our disappointments and the Lord has gathered them into his wineskin, it’s time to receive comfort.

One of the best ways to experience comfort is to remember or re-remember God’s character. Say, “I’m disappointed because [state one disappointment], but God is still [good, kind, faithful, etc].” Then repeat for each disappointment. State your disappointment and then follow it with a reminder of who God is.

When we address the truth of our disappointments with the truth of who God is, we prevent bitterness from taking root in our heart. In the face of trouble, it’s easy to forget the goodness of God and allow bitterness into our hearts. Bitterness turns our lives into desert wastelands where once green grass grew.

During this time of COVID-19, we must be proactive in our approach to our disappointments and sorrows. If we can live self-aware and guide our hearts to God’s comfort, we will navigate our disappointments without bitterness.

We will draw closer to God because God will draw us near to him. He is close to the brokenhearted.

Turn your eyes to him and bring him the broken pieces of your looked-forward-to events and activities. Let him love you with a steadfast love that understands your sorrows while pointing you toward hope.

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Kinga Cichewicz

Jessica Van Roekel loves the upside-down life of following Jesus as she journeys to wholeness through brokenness. As an author, speaker, and worship leader, she uses her gifts and experiences to share God’s transformative power to rescue, restore, and renew. She longs for you to know that rejection doesn’t have to define or determine your future when placed in God’s healing hands. Find out more reframingrejectionbook.com You can connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.