How to Avoid the Trap of Secular “Self-Care” and Tend to What Really Matters

We live in a world that is absolutely obsessed with self. Posting selfies has become part of daily life if you’re under 30. The idea of self-love and self-care has exploded in the last five to ten years, with expressions like “fall in love with yourself all over again” becoming mainstream mantras while the med spa industry grows by one billion dollars annually.

It all seems harmless enough, I suppose. Nothing wrong with taking some “me time,” indulging in a skin treatment or two, or treating ourselves to some R & R in this ever-frenetic, fast-paced life. After all, 1 Corinthians 10:23 says everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

But like any other part of life, there has to be balance. Food and wine are seen as good gifts in Scripture, but gluttony and drunkenness are also deemed sinful. If people of faith aren’t careful, we might find ourselves getting caught up in or even consumed by self-care practices and habits so readily embraced in our culture that they do no good for our souls.

Self-Absorption Will Never Satisfy

Have you ever visited a place like LA, full of what seems like only beautiful, affluent people? At the risk of sounding crass, there’s quite simply a deadness in their eyes. I was in a place like this recently, where everyone was in designer everything, with skin so beaming and teeth so white you could practically smell the bleach. And truly, everyone looked angry. Why? I believe it’s because self-absorption leads to misery. Solid disclaimer here: this girl loves a good manicure, embraces a good spray tan at the onset of Summer, and I’m openly cranky when falling out of my workout routine. But there is a difference between caring for ourselves and being consumed with self. As soon as we become too preoccupied with the outer, whether it’s our fitness/diets/wellness routines, beauty regimes, or shopping habits, we become slaves to ourselves. We’ll begin looking to ourselves for happiness, peace and fulfillment, which never goes well and leads to the next point.

Self-Care Leads to a False Sense of Autonomy

When we place too much attention and focus into self-care practices, we essentially lean on ourselves for peace and happiness. Most people practice self-care activities like mindfulness and yoga, excessive med-spa trips, or endless recreational “me time” activities like hitting the golf course for 10 hours a week because they need to de-stress. These activities make them feel or look good, so say their confidence and self-esteem go up. They “feel better about themselves” and hence are better people. Essentially, we’re relying on ourselves and worldly indulgences and pleasures, however outwardly healthy they may be, to create a false sense of peace and contentment. And as we all know, any soul walking this Earth can never, ever find true peace and satisfaction in anyone, or anything, but Jesus. When we become too self-focused, we’re taking our dependence off the Lord, and if we’re not careful, tending to our social profiles, exercising, shopping, etc. can replace the source of our strength.

Self-Care Leads to Deception

The enemy does his best work when taking something “good” and distorting it. He’s managed to take almost everything good in this life like sex and twist it into something it isn’t. The trap of self-care can be tricky. A little Botox here, a few hundred dollars worth of skin treatments here, one more selfie upload to Facebook there, and even the “most spiritual” Christian can begin drinking the self-love Kool-Aid. Again, it’s easy to discount the risk of the self-absorption in comparison to other pitfalls like porn use or substances abuse. But self-absorption does do a number on our spirit over time. The most ineffective, miserable seasons of my life can be directly tied to self-centeredness. We’re less sensitive to the needs of others. Our hearts get cold. We become less patient and giving. Chasing the promised Zen and wellness of self-care is like chasing the wind or the next continual dopamine hit found in the next series of hearts on Insta. Our souls are never satisfied, and our joy can never be complete by looking inward. When we look to Jesus for our value, peace, confidence, and fulfillment as a way of life, we feel a sense of wholeness no amount of Insta posting can provide.

Self-Care Isn’t Biblical

There are lots of times when care is mentioned in the Bible. Caring for orphans, widows, spouses, employees, and even animals. I can’t find self-love or care anywhere in Scripture. God knows what we need. We find what we’re looking for when we take the focus off ourselves. Whatever it is we’re looking for…less stress, more peace, or more confidence and joy…it’s found in God. Feeling valued, priceless, and known are found in God. Feeling grounded, centered, and strong are found in God. The enemy would love nothing more to captivate our hearts with counterfeit sources of fulfillment and “happiness,” but just as the fleeting pleasures of sin don’t last, neither does self-based satisfaction. Our souls aren’t designed created for self. We were created for Him.

We’re called to be good stewards of our bodies, minds, and spirits, and I believe eating well, exercising our bodies, and ensuring we’re rested, with plenty of personal time and relaxation, is vital. That’s why He gifted us with the Sabbath. We’re precious to Him, and just as any good parent wants their child to take good care of themselves, God, of course, wants us to care for ourselves as best we can. But spiritual self-care should always surmount worldly self-care. Spending quiet time with Him daily and loving and serving those around us does more for our well-being than any meditation session or vacation can offer. Though I can’t wait to read the Bible in Bali someday.

Jessica Kastner is an award-winning writer and author of Hiding from the Kids in My Prayer Closet. She leads Bible studies within juvenile detention centers with Straight Ahead Ministries and offers unapologetically real encouragement for women at Jessicakastner.com.