How Long Can We Grieve?
- Whitney Hopler Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
- Updated Jul 19, 2023
Grief is a universal human experience in our fallen world. We all go through a grieving process when someone we love passes away. It may seem as if the pain of grief will never go away. Sometimes, if we grieve a long time, we may feel guilty about still mourning a loved one’s death and wonder when we can move on without pain. How long does grief last? We can find answers through our relationships with God.
What Does the Bible Say about Grief?
The Bible acknowledges that grief is a natural response to loss. It points us to God, who stands with us in our pain and offers us hope and help while we’re grieving.
Throughout the Bible, we witness numerous examples of individuals expressing grief over death. Abraham mourned the death of his beloved wife Sarah (Genesis 23:2). King David wept bitterly over the loss of his son Absalom (2 Samuel 18:33). Job's story is a powerful account of profound grief and the struggle to find understanding in suffering. Even Jesus grieved, after the death of his friend Lazarus, when he witnessed the grief of Lazarus’ sisters, Mary and Martha. The shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35, reveals that, “Jesus wept.” Despite knowing that he would raise Lazarus from the dead, Jesus empathized with the sorrow of those who were mourning. This act of compassion shows us that Jesus understands our grief and stands with us in our moments of sadness.
The Bible assures us in Psalm 34:18 that, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” It also promises in Psalm 9:9 that God “… is a refuge in times of trouble”. The Psalms, in particular, are filled with expressions of pain – including grief. Psalm 147:3 emphasizes that God is the ultimate healer for our pain, declaring: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” In Matthew 5:4, Jesus promises comfort in our grief: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
As Christians, we also have the real hope of eternal life thanks to our salvation through Jesus. In 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, the apostle Paul encourages us: “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” Because of Jesus’ victory over death, we can look forward to the day when all grieving will be replaced with eternal joy in his presence. Revelation reveals that eventually God “… will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
How Long Does Grief Last?
The duration of grief is unique to each person. There is no set timeline, and the process can vary depending on the intensity of the loss and our personal ways of coping with it.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” This verse reminds us that grieving is a natural response to loss, and it is important to allow ourselves to go through the process at our own pace. Our grief may last a long time after the funerals of our loved ones – and that’s okay.
Grief does not follow a linear path, and its duration is unpredictable. While some people may experience intense grief initially and gradually find healing over time, others might experience periods of grief resurfacing unexpectedly, even years after the loss. It’s crucial to remember that the grieving process is unique to each person and cannot be rushed or forced to fit a specific timeline. As Christians, we might be tempted to question extended feelings of grief, fearing that those feelings reflect a lack of faith or trust in God. However, the Bible doesn’t prescribe a specific time frame for grieving. Instead, it acknowledges grief as a natural part of life and encourages us to lean on God and our community for support during these times – however long they last. God is powerfully at work in our lives when we’re dealing with pain. If we allow ourselves to experience the painful emotions of grief honestly and without judgment, God will bring good purposes out of our pain. Romans 8:28 assures us: “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”
While grief is a natural response to death, sometimes grief can become overwhelming and interfere with daily life. If you find yourself struggling to cope with grief or feel stuck in your healing process, seeking help from a trusted clergyperson or mental health counselor can be beneficial. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help to deal with grief.
Ultimately, finding healing in grief involves surrendering to God’s timing. Our lives will never be the same as they were before our loved ones died. So, in that sense, we’ll always be grieving. Yet God will heal our pain and help us move forward with joy despite difficult times. As we journey through grief, we can rely on the fact that God’s love and mercy are constant, even when our emotions may seem erratic.
How Should We Deal with Grief as Christians?
We can deal with grief in whatever ways prove to be most helpful for us in our individual relationships with God. We don’t need to feel pressured to get over our grief at any specific time. In fact, we shouldn’t rush the important work God is doing to strengthen us spiritually as we grieve with hope in him.
So, we can give ourselves permission to experience all the emotions that come with loss, knowing that God will walk with us through every step of the grieving process. After my mom passed away, it took me many months before I could cry, because I was afraid of being overwhelmed with emotion if I allowed myself to do so. However, I share a story in my book Wake Up to Wonder about what happened when I finally allowed myself to express my painful feelings of grief through tears. God met me where I was, and I sensed his presence powerfully while I cried nonstop in my car for about half an hour. Just as God showed up for me when I cried, God will show up for you whenever you express your grief and all the painful emotions that come with it.
We can also seek God’s presence with us in our grief through prayer and meditation. Jesus encourages us to seek God in prayer during our times of need, telling us in Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” By meditating on Bible passages that speak about God’s promises to us, we can find strength in our grief. Hebrews 4:12 reminds us that “the word of God is alive and active.” As we meditate on God’s Word, God will use it to help us.
Finally, we can turn to trusted Christian friends and family members to encourage us and pray for us while we’re dealing with grief. Galatians 6:2 exhorts all believers to, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” God’s love often flows into our lives through caring people who are a part of God’s family with us.
Conclusion
Grief is an inevitable part of life in this fallen world. But God meets us in the middle of our grief and lovingly helps us navigate through it. The Bible offers profound insights into both the reality of grief and the hope God gives us while we’re grieving. There is no set time frame for grieving; it varies from person to person. What remains constant is God’s unwavering love, which will carry us through the pain – no matter how long we’re grieving. As we journey through grief, our hope rests in the One who conquered death and makes eternal life possible.
Photo Credit: © Unsplash/Riccardo Mion
