How to Overcome the Sting of Heartbreak

Aaron D'Anthony Brown Contributing Author
Updated Feb 17, 2023

Once a year, Valentine’s Day rolls around, and chatter begins about all the things we have planned with our boyfriends, girlfriends, dates, and spouses. Sometimes we spend the day with our friends, sometimes just the family. Other times, we go about the day alone. Happiness, romance, gratitude, and bright hues of pink and red have just about become synonymous with the holiday. For many of us, we appreciate these associations, but there are those of us who have come to associate Valentine’s Day with abandonment, hurt, loss. Though we see bright colors, what we feel inside is a deep void of black.

The truth is, heartbreak can be difficult, a long lasting, indelible kind of difficult. Heartbreak can lead us to not enjoying days like Valentine’s Day, or any holiday for the matter. Honestly, heartbreak can lead us to not enjoying life on a daily basis.

While this may be the temptation at times, what’s also true is that we shouldn’t allow heartbreak to turn us into bitter people. Christians are called to live a life that is better than what the world offers, not bitter just like it.

It's important to know how to overcome the sting of heartbreak. Trials and tribulations are inevitable, but each one can be overcome.

Here are five steps to overcome the sting of heartbreak:

1. Mourn

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)

Sadness is one of the most immediate emotions we have following a fight, breakup, or disappointment. This happens because what we experienced is not what we desired. We mourn when we accept the reality of heartbreak.

Though how we treat grief differs, mourning is a healthy behavior for both men and women. Crying releases pent up emotions, and is a sign to us and others of just how much we care. Feeling less inclined to be social or to eat are not necessarily good in and of themselves, but are also a testament to our feelings.

2. Cope

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.” (Matthew 6:33)

After and even during the mourning process, we have to start coping with the heartbreak. Not doing so can keep us stuck in the mourning phase and possibly lead to unhealthy behaviors - not eating, not sleeping or oversleeping, neglecting commitments, etc.

When we cope with sadness, Christians are called to do so righteously. If we are to live like Christ, then how we cope with heartbreak should be Christ-like also. This means that we respond to sadness in ways including prayer, seeking support from other believers, reading Scripture, and doing other things that redirect us towards God. Some people journal, exercise, or go for walks.

Coping with ways that don’t redirect us towards God can lead us to coping with sin. Alcohol, pornography, and smoking, are just a few examples. When we go this route, we end up worse because of our response to the heartbreak, not better.

3. Ponder

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
“For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Heartbreak may leave us with a lot of sadness, but it also gives us plenty of food for thought. Who was right, and who was wrong? What does God want me to learn from this? Can this situation be fixed?

Taking the time to ask ourselves questions and ponder helps us to grow spiritually and emotionally. Sometimes heartbreak is the result of our own actions, though at the time, we believe differently. If we take time to discover our own faults, we can improve ourselves going forward. If, through ponderance, we learn something unfortunate about the other person involved, then we can use that information to decide how best to respond.

Again, whatever we ponder should be pointing us back to God, not to a state of misery. We can easily become anxious and bogged down with sad thoughts, but be sure to always return to the good. That’s where God wants us to dwell (Philippians 4:8).

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Adene Sanchez

4. Change

“Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.” (Psalm 90:12)

Learning from heartbreak requires that we be willing to change. If our relationships constantly end in breakup or divorce, then what’s going awry? Is the other person at fault, or are we? If we keep getting into arguments about the same topics with different people, can we change our approach or stop bringing up the topic altogether?

The problem that we face as people and Christians is that we often look for change in our circumstances. We want the people around us to grow up, mature, become smarter, start thinking differently. The standards of behavior that we have for them don’t ever match ourselves. We give ourselves much more grace and understanding. The heartbreak we cause is never as problematic as what others cause us.

Depending on others to change is only going to cause us more issues. Instead, each believer should strive to become the change they hope to see in others.

5. Make Plans

“For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The more self-aware we become, the more we learn from our heartbreak, the better equipped we will be moving into the future. Learning helps us avoid past mistakes. Relying on God helps us to see the utility of those mistakes. And even when we don’t know what to do next, we can rely on Him to turn the bad into His good (Romans 8:28). God has a plan for our lives. If we work with Him, we can help that plan come to fruition, no matter the obstacles we face.

7 Verses to Encourage Your Spirit

Here are several verses from Scripture that you can use to motivate and uplift your spirit. Consider committing them to memory or simply posting them in a journal or somewhere around the house.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.” (Revelations 21:4)

“Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

“Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

A Prayer for Healing

God,

Here I am before you in need of healing. The toils of yesterday and obstacles today leave me fearful for what comes tomorrow. I’m sad, heartbroken, and unsure of what to do next.

I cry, nothing changes. I pray, nothing changes. I try to move forward, nothing changes.

How long, God? How long will I dwell in this place of misery, doubting if I’ll see tomorrow? Sometimes I don’t want to.

God, please heal me. Help me. Change me. Rebuild me. Make me like new so that I can better serve you, serve those around me. Show me how to learn from my mistakes and those committed against me. I want to be better. I want to be like your Son.

I’ve relied on myself and others for help, but this is not enough. I need you.

I ask you now for healing, healing that only you can provide. Would you strengthen me and give me hope for brighter days ahead?

Though I can’t see the future, I know the one who holds mine. Thank you, Lord.

In His name, I pray. Amen.

Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo.