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8 Reasons for Church Hurt and How to Heal From It: Part 2
- Liz Lampkin Contributing Writer
- Published May 01, 2023
Hurt people hurt people. It doesn't matter if you're a member of the body of Christ; everyone is subject to getting hurt or inadvertently hurting someone. Often church members don't expect their brothers and sisters in Christ to mistreat them, especially if they are working together to build the body. Many believers don't expect to be hurt by church family members because we are all expected to be Christ-like and follow His example on how to love and treat one another. Unfortunately, this has not been the case for many, and it's harming the growth of the body of Christ. So the question is, why do members of God's family hurt each other? Here are a few reasons why.
1. Members often forget about the focus of ministry work.
Many believers often forget why they work in ministry. This can stem from self or ego getting in the way, or people don't know the purpose of the ministry they're involved in. It's important for those working in ministry to understand what the ministry is about, who it's serving, and know their purpose in the ministry to serve effectively. If you're part of a ministry and are losing focus, take a moment to step back and reevaluate your reasons for ministry work. It's also helpful to pray and ask God for a renewed heart, spirit, and direction on how you should move forward.
2. They become territorial of the ministry.
Many people in churches often believe they own a ministry they are a part of. They control activities, want limited input, often shun new members, and are only welcoming to those they are familiar with. This happens because the church's work may be the only significant thing they have going on in their lives at the time. However, this can harm the growth of the ministry. If the ministry's growth is harmed, so can the church's growth.
3. They have been hurt before.
People who hurt others have been hurt before and have not taken the time to heal. Their lack of healing causes them to become emotionally charged, offensive, and sometimes dowright mean. The church is filled with broken people, and it's the one place we seek healing. However, many people aren't as compassionate as they should be towards others and their hurt.
4. They're not focused on God.
Unfortunately, many believers who attend church faithfully, lead ministry work, and attend bible studies are not focused on God. They are more focused on their own ego-driven agendas for the ministry and fail to remember that the work of God is the reason the ministry even exists.
5. They are spiritually and emotionally immature.
Spiritually immature believers are sensitive to correction, misuse their spiritual gifts, don't love others with the love of Christ, and allow themselves to lead them. Spiritual and emotional immaturity can lead others to hurt others.
6. People expect more from believers.
People inside and outside of the church place certain expectations on believers, which can cause their attitudes to shift. While believers are to follow biblical principles and standards, they are still human and can't live up to every expectation. Does this excuse them from hurting others? No. However, it does not mean people should judge their actions.
7. We relive past church hurts.
Many people have not healed from past church hurt and traumas, and they bring those experiences to their current church experience. Every church is not the same. People need to heal from their past hurt so they won't take that baggage into something new.
8. They don't know how to love like Christ.
Love forgives. It is patient; it does not keep a record of wrong; it does not hurt others. Many believers know about the love of Christ but often fail to express it to others, and that's how people get hurt in the church.
How to Heal from Church Hurt
1. Pray for each other.
Members of the body of Christ often pray for specific things that people request prayer for. However, it's important for believers to pray for church healing and growth.
2. Address those who are not being Christlike.
One way to stop church hurt is to address it in love. If no one takes the time to address the problem, it will continue to grow. Before you address the person or group of people, be sure you go to them with the love of God and your emotions. You must also be clear on what you plan to address and be prepared for any reaction you may receive.
3. Learn to separate church hurt from God's character.
God's character and hurt from the church are two different things, and believers need to understand this. Just because someone in the church has hurt you does not mean you should turn your back on God and who He is. While members of the body of Christ are charged with displaying Christ-like characteristics, they are still human and will backslide. This is not an excuse for people to hurt others, but it's important to understand that it is not a display of godly character when someone hurts others.
4. Prioritize your own healing.
Healing from past or present hurt is essential to a healthy life. Many people fail to heal from church hurt. They continue working in the ministry with a bitter spirit and spitefulness towards others simply because they feel obligated to continue working in an unhealthy space. Believers must take time to heal from church hurt to have a clear heart, mind, and spirit to move forward as God leads them.
5. Step back from ministry work to refocus.
It's essential to take a break from toxic ministries and workers in order to heal and move forward effectively. And it's okay to do so. You don't want the weight of negative actions to sink into your spirit to the point where it becomes harmful to you. Step back, pray for healing, and refocus on your purpose for doing the work.
6. Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness is something that believers must practice. Learning to forgive others will release hurt and provide individual and collective healing.
7. Commit to always act and react in love.
Love is the key to building and maintaining healthy relationships. In everything you do, do it in love. Without it, things will always go wrong.
If you have been hurt by the church once, chances are you may be hurt again. However, this is no reason to walk away from God and work in ministries where He has gifted you. Members of the body of Christ are not perfect by any means, but that does not excuse them from being corrected in love when they have offended others. Take the steps above when the church has hurt you, and repeat them when necessary. And no matter how hurt you become by people of God, never walk away from Him and His infinite love for you.
Related: How the Church Hurts Singles and Ways to Find Healing: Part 1
