3 Reasons Why You're Scared to Accept Grace

We’re busy with the church calendar, overworked, and burnt out. We berate ourselves for sins we’ve committed years before and share them with others in small groups through tears and anguish. Our consciences are never clear.

And this affects how we treat others, too. We can hold onto grudges, judgments, and hurts. We hold ourselves to impossible standards, and it bleeds into how we treat others, as well.

A common definition of grace is “the unmerited favor of God toward man.” Unmerited, meaning we cannot earn it. We don’t have to earn it! God doesn’t expect us to. Imagine how much more relaxed and forgiving we would be if we truly experienced grace.

And yet, if we’re really honest with ourselves, there are aspects of grace that strike us with fear because we cannot earn grace. Unexamined, these fears can become obstacles to the true transformation that the Bible talks about and that we desire so badly.

So let us search our hearts for these fears and turn them over to God so that we can truly experience grace on a soul-changing level.

1. Your Need for Grace Threatens Your Identity

We know that on an intellectual level, we need grace. We’ve heard that lesson as far back as in children’s ministry. And yet…our pride despises that it needs grace.

“Haughty eyes and a proud heart— the unplowed field of the wicked—produce sin.” – Proverbs 21:4

Pride says, “I can do this all by myself. I don’t need you. I am good enough, and don’t you dare threaten that.”

The thing is, deep down, we all feel threatened that we’re not good enough to be loved. And so when something–such as our need for grace–causes us to confront that fear, we lash out.

This is especially true when we have built our identities on being good enough at something to earn love. Maybe for you, that means building your identity on your own righteousness because you don’t sin like your coworkers do–but if you did, you would lose your parent’s love. Or maybe it looks like building your identity on being an overachiever because you’re terrified that if you didn’t have it all together, everyone would leave you.

So, when you’re told that grace can never be earned, part of you really, really hates that. Because now your whole identity is in question, and it feels like your world could come toppling down.

In his article “Why Something Inside Us Hates the Idea of Grace,” Joe McKeever points out these hard truths: “Grace means I am unworthy to stand in God’s presence just as I am,” “Grace means I am unable to handle the ultimate issues of life and death and beyond,” and “Grace means I am unrighteous and need a complete overhaul to stand in the Father’s throne room.”

Ouch. When we’ve built our identities on our own strength, it is terrifying to realize that it’s all for nothing. So what do we do?

How to move through this fear: The worst thing we can do with our pride is to try and suppress it. The best thing we can do is expose it. So one practical thing you can do is to write a list of your sinful nature. Are you manipulative, passive, or cowardly? Are you judgmental, lustful, or jealous? Write down these ugly parts of yourself in as much detail as you can face.

And then sit with this list. What feelings come up? Do you want to run away, berate yourself, or do everything in your power to divorce yourself from these things? Whatever is your natural inclination, hand them over to God. And hear him gently say with a smile “Oh, my sweet child, I already know. This is why I sent Jesus. This isn’t you anymore.”

And turn instead to biblical affirmations that God says about you.

I am valuable (1 Peter 1:18-19, John 3:16, Psalm 56:8)

I am accepted (Romans 15:7, Romans 8:14-19, Romans 8:34, Ephesians 1:3-6, Colossians 1:21-22)

I am provided for (Matthew 6:30-35, 2 Peter 1:3, Deuteronomy 20:4)

Read more here. And rejoice!

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4:10

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LoveTheWind 

2. Your Need for Grace Means You Have No Control

As we’ve established, the fact that you cannot earn grace is as scary as it is wonderful. One of the biggest reasons for this is that if you can’t earn grace, that means you don’t control grace.

Humans love control. We love to control the temperature in our home. We love to control what goes into our coffee each morning. We wish we could control the weather, the economy, and everyone around us.

Control keeps us safe. Or at least, the illusion of control gives us the illusion of safety. We feel like as long as we are at the helm, the ship of our lives will go in the direction we want it to, and we will get everything we need.

But we can’t control grace. We can’t control God. We can’t force him to give us this gift of unmerited favor. We can’t influence his decision to love us or not. He is God, and we are not. And that, in some ways, is terrifying.

Imagine being a little baby who is desperate for his mother’s milk. He cries, he wails, he twists and turns in his crib, but he can’t make his mom come to him.

That’s where we are. Even if we feel like we can control our jobs, our appearance, our friendships, our health, etc.--we would still fall flat on our faces trying to control our eternal fate.

The good news is that we don’t need to make God give us unmerited favor. He is the attentive, gentle, doting mother who provides for his children every time they cry out. He freely chooses to show us favor and then does us the added kindness of PROMISING that he will.

He tells Moses in Exodus 33:19, “I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.”

And Hebrews 4:16 encourages us, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

It can be so scary to depend on God’s goodness instead of our own. But the Bible makes it more than clear that God’s grace will be there to catch us.

How to move through this fear: Think about all of the good things in your life that you do not have control over. For instance, you don’t control how much oxygen there is to breathe. You don’t control how much sunshine there is, which grows plants which in turn provides food and shelter for you. You don’t control your friends that love you despite all of the silly arguments you’ve gotten into.

See in each one of these things how much God is taking care of you already. And extend this confidence to grace, and approach his throne with your head held high and your heart at peace, knowing that you will find mercy in your time of need.

3. Your Need for Grace Makes You Vulnerable to Being Let Down

Have you ever received good news, and your first instinct was to not believe it? You get a promotion, but you make sure to read that email twice. Your wife tells you she’s pregnant, and your first words are, “You’re joking!”

We do this because we’re attempting to shield ourselves from the pain of disappointment. A disappointment that we, unfortunately, know all too well–usually from deep within our childhood.

Our parents and caregivers aren’t perfect, and as adults, we intellectually accept that. But as kids, we couldn't help but feel the pain of betrayal and abandonment when our parents and caregivers missed the mark on caring for us perfectly.

It could be as simple as your father working overtime to provide for your family, but he missed your soccer game, and you never got over that. Or it could be as extreme as total abuse or abandonment.

Either way, these scars make it so hard for us to believe that God really, truly, actually, definitively loves us without condition.

If we hope for this love–this love that we need more than anything in this world–and we’re let down, well, that’s something we couldn’t recover from. So it’s easier not to hope.

But I would encourage you, friend, to hope for this grace, and hope for it some more, because it is beyond our wildest dreams.

How to move through this fear: Ask yourself, if God’s grace isn’t true, what is the worst part about that? And once you have identified that worst fear (I’ll be unloved, I’ll be alone, I’ll be punished), follow that root back to your developing years. Who or what situation has made you feel that fear in the past?

And then study how God is different from the imperfect love we have received in the past. Do a side-by-side analysis, and experience the joy of seeing how perfectly safe it is to accept God’s unconditional love for you.

Once you have sat with, processed, and moved through these fears about accepting grace, experiencing it more fully than you ever have is just around the corner.

Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AaronAmat 

The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of CrosswalkHeadlines.

Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.