Should Christian Singles Pursue Romantic Relationships or Wait for God to Bring "The One"?

Countless books adorn the shelves advising the how-to formula on how to date, reality shows by the dozens appear yearly with singles pursuing relationships, and speakers always have a thing or two to say, but what if you are a Christian trying to date? When you are a Christian, the Bible encourages us to live in the world, but not of it, so then how should we approach dating? Is it correct to pursue romantic relationships, or should we wait on God to bring "the one?"

No Story Is the Same: Ruth vs Adam and Eve

It seems every year, churches at some point have a series on biblical dating and marriage, and many of the same stories from the Bible are the ones chosen. We can gather so much wisdom, knowledge, and security from God when we read in His Word that just as He wrote a love story for a specific couple, so can He do so for you as well. What is imperative is that we realize all these stories are different; they are not carbon copies of one another. There is a beautiful mystery in that, for God is the best story maker. 

For example, God saw that it was not right that man was alone (Genesis 2:18), so for Adam, He crafted a "suitable helpmate" or counterpart and presented her to him when he awoke from a deep slumber. Ruth was a widow who met a kindhearted man by the name of Boaz, but in many ways, she was the one who did the pursuing and most definitely was the one to make the intention and desire to be together clear. At times, God will present one's spouse just as He did for Adam, but no two stories are exactly alike. This is why it is so important to let God do the leading, for His plans are far better than our plans.

Ask God to Make Your Path Clear 

God can see all the significant details and all the small ones as well. He knows each factor of each and every situation, including romantic relationships. It can, at times, feel horrendously excruciating or even like a punishment to be single, but we must know that God is not heartless; He is intentional and purposeful. In Proverbs 3:5-6, we are encouraged to remember, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, but in all ways call to Him and He will make your path straight."

This verse is really getting at the reminder Isaiah 55 gives us that His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He knows what we do not know, so let Him lead. We often think a situation is one way, all to find that in time our perspectives were lacking in full understanding. God can see the whole picture, so trust Him when He leads you in a certain direction or path. Know that His greater perspective is not just your feelings or limited vantage point. Get curious with God, too. Connect with Him and ask questions. You may just find that He really has had your story all along.

Get Curious

God desires to have a relationship with you, and that is not limited to just one area of your life. A spouse is one of the most important decisions and commitments you will ever make in your life, so it is vital to connect with God to ensure that His choice is the choice you commit to romantically. Ask God questions, and don't be surprised when He answers you in a still, small voice, in a sermon at church, in a conversation with a friend, or in a passage in a book to provide an answer. Ask Him what He is teaching you now in this time of singleness that you could not learn otherwise. Ask Him if this is a season for you to be pursuing dating online or meeting other singles at church or if this is a season to allow Him to reveal His choice for you. Ask God if you are being deceived in any way or if there are counterfeits in your sphere that Satan is using to confuse you. Ask God for His truth and an understanding only He can give, for His ways are the best. Remember as well that even if you have gone astray in the past romantically, God can redeem any story. You are not beyond His loving care, and He wants to help you moving forward. Don't be afraid of Him; be afraid of doing anything without Him!

Be Open to Surprise and Plot Twists

In this life, one thing is for certain: nothing ever stays the same except for our Lord. Ask God what His Will is for your life when it comes to dating, if it is His desire that you seek out opportunities, or if you are to wait and await what He will do. When you place the desire in His hands and allow Him to mold, shift, and change your heart to His will, true transformation comes. This is because true surrender gives Him the authority to move within you. He may instill in you a sense of peace that you should not tarry on asking someone out, or perhaps He will guide you that there is inner work to be done before entering into a relationship with someone, but He will do a great work in you that will serve as a testimony one day if you allow Him to work within you. Remember that you are valuable to God, and He will not waste your time. Also remember that we have a God who often acts in ways that come as wonderful surprises and plot twists to us, bringing forth in a day what would have taken by worldly standards years.

Times and Seasons

In Ecclesiastes 3:1, King Solomon encourages us that God has authored, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." This is true for romance as well. Know that if God asks you to wait and not pursue romantic relationships, He has a particular reason. Connect with Him in every step and ask Him to help you know with certainty if it is fear holding you back, or if He is asking you to stand still in this time. Also, remember that even if a romantic relationship does not work out, it does not mean you have failed or did not follow God properly. Man has free will, and at times, man will hurt, break, and wound you, but God can use that wound for a great purpose later. Not every romantic relationship is built or meant to endure, but it does not mean that it did not hold a value in your story. Ask God to help you see this in things done in the past, and trust Him with your future. Know that we serve a good Father Who loves us and has good plans for us.

There is no perfect formula when it comes to Christian dating, but what is always true is that God knows best. Invite Him into your situation, no matter how shattered or sticky or barren it may seem, and ask Him to guide you in your steps. Remember that regardless of any romantic relationship, He has already given us His best spouse through Jesus Christ. We, as the Church, are the Bride of Christ. Lastly, remember He can redeem any story, and what can await you will be so clear it is Heaven's kiss and presence in your life.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/FilippoBacci

Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. Her works have been featured on "The 700 Club Interactive," “Jesus Calling Blog,” and “Coffee and Bible Time,” among several notable outlets. She served as a mentor for young women for several years and enjoys challenging women to develop deeper relationships with God and to live fearlessly and authentically. She received her B.A. Degree from Regent University. In her spare time, she enjoys spending time in nature, having genuine chats over coffee, and woodworking. Her new book, The Wallflower That Bloomed, is available everywhere now. Connect with Cally: @CallyLogan Instagram CallyLogan.com