5 Things I Learned about Anger and How to Resolve It
- Michelle S. Lazurek Author
- Updated Feb 12, 2024
In Your Anger, Don't Sin
One day, as I was reading the Bible a few years ago, a verse stuck out to me that I never forgot. It said, "In your anger do not sin, and do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:26). As I examined that verse more closely, I realized that anger was an emotion that was not sinful in and of itself, but it's what I did with the anger that mattered. If I didn't resolve the anger correctly, I gave the devil grounds to stay in my life. I knew I needed to resolve anger from past hurts, but it was easier said than done. I grew up in a strict home. My mom dealt with her anger by exploding at everyone around her. I walked on eggshells, not knowing what to feel or think around her. This often made me shut down my emotions and not express my feelings clearly to her. As I grew up, however, I realized that my anger had less to do with her and more to do with issues in her past. She told me stories of how her father had difficulty forgiving her for things she had done in her past. This caused her relationship with her father to become strained. She also learned authority figures never apologized. Because of this, I cannot recall one moment throughout my childhood when she said she was sorry. I had to learn the process of forgiveness, but because of my background, I had no idea how to do it. This frustration caused me to become angry, and I believed that anger was wrong. However, according to this verse, anger is merely the emotion that uncovers other emotions that have not been dealt with, causing difficulty in relationships in the future. Here is what I learned about anger:
What Is Anger?
First, anger, as a feeling in and of itself, is not a sin.
What we do with that anger is what matters. Jesus himself was tempted. We see this when he is tempted in the garden by Satan. Jesus was sinless and able to atone for us as a sacrificial lamb for us. Therefore, when he was tempted, it didn't mean he was acting in sin. Rather, it was what he did with the temptation that mattered. It is the same with us. It is what we do with the temptation that matters. Jesus instead rebuked the temptation, renewing his mind through Scripture and clinging to his identity as his father's son. He didn't need what Satan was offering him because he already had his identity solidified in his father. Satan tempted Jesus with the same things he tempted Adam and Eve with in the garden. He lured them with popularity, possessions, and their identity. Therefore, we give ourselves over to our flesh and become enslaved to the enemy when we give in to these temptations. When we solidify our identity in Christ, we are no longer tempted by the devil's schemes.
Second, anger is an emotion covering other pain of some kind.
We must deal with that emotion as well as any other emotions underneath it. Otherwise, anger, when not dealt with properly, can be harmful. The anger can continue when we don't deal with the pain or wounds underneath it. This is what causes sinful acts—these result when anger has gone unchecked. To properly resolve our anger, we must deal with the underlying emotion. However, this may cause us deep pain and sadness as we uncover the grief underneath the anger. We often experience grief when we've experienced some sort of loss: loss of a relationship, loss of a job, loss of a loved one, etc. We sometimes don't deal with those emotions effectively. We only feel the pain when it becomes unbearable, then sweep it under the rug and allow it to fester. When we allow it to fester, anger results. Anger starts in the mind but ends in the heart. That's why it's important to renew our minds with the truth of who God is. Anger can cause us to get tripped up, tainting our relationship with God if we're not careful. If necessary, find a counselor or other professional to help you deal with the emotion. We often don't stay in the mourning process long enough to resolve our anger and grief effectively. Therefore, we go throughout our weeks and months thinking about a situation repeatedly and not resolving it. This causes our minds to get off track from Scripture and towards the things of the world. It is essential to resolve anger while it is still fresh and reminds us it's an indicator of a deeper issue.
Third, anger is a good emotion that can point out unhealthy areas of our souls.
Sometimes we're unaware of the depth of our pain until anger arises. We don't always know how to deal with the emotion, so we either deny it or we project it onto other people. Anger points out something unhealthy in our souls that needs to be resolved. When we can be more in tune with our emotions, we can learn how to be healthier people emotionally. However, Emotional health is not something that's taught in churches today. When we cannot process our own emotions, other unhealthy emotions like anger, grief, bitterness, rage, and sadness result. Two great resources on how to deal with emotions are Pete Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, and Linda Evans Shepherd's Praying Through Every Emotion. When we take our emotions to God and pray through them, he is faithful to resolve them if only we will go through the process. By bringing our cares and complaints to God, we can bring forth every emotion, knowing that God is faithful to help us resolve them accordingly. God loves us through our emotions, not in spite of them. It's not our job to exact revenge on others, but rather take our hurts to God in prayer, trusting him that he will pay back each person who has offended us as he deems fit.
Fourth, anger can also abound because we only have a limited perspective.
We often see things through the lens of what we know about the situation; however, one good thing about trusting God with our emotions is that God sees the whole picture. He knows the situations that have brought the offender to the offense. He's faithful and just to forgive us from all our righteousness, including past pain. God knows our level of self-awareness or lack of self-awareness. When we don't want to look at our own mistakes and failures or contribution to the offense, we inflict pain on other people. God has given us good resources like the ones listed above to help us process our emotions accordingly. He does not want us to sit in anger or any other unhealthy emotion, but rather these are emotions to pinpoint the grief and areas in our soul that are unhealthy. Our ability to be able to process our emotions appropriately is what allows us to grow in our maturity. If we want to be more mature believers, we must deal with the pain in our souls. Although anger may not be an emotion many people want to deal with, it is at the heart of many of our world's divisions today.
Fifth, there is righteous and unrighteous anger.
We often attribute our anger towards the world as righteous anger. However, there are a few instances that constitute righteous anger. Jesus had righteous anger when he overturned the tables in the temple because he knew they were using the temple for their own personal financial gain rather than to worship his father. But most of our anger stems from our own hurts, wounds, or lack of acknowledgment of our responsibility to the situation. We sometimes believe we have righteous indignation when, in reality, it's just our own anger masquerading as a moral high ground. It takes two people to have a conflict in a relationship. Both parties must take responsibility for what they did to contribute to that offense. People can come together and take responsibility for their failures so they can resolve their relationships accordingly. However, when one party believes they're living in righteous anger and displacing all their pain and angst on others, it becomes unrighteous anger.
Although anger is an uncomfortable emotion, peace and reconciliation result can result if we take responsibility as believers to resolve relationships in accordance with God's will. It is important to resolve things directly among our brothers and sisters. It is not right for us to individually go about our lives without processing our anger. By processing our pain, we not only rid ourselves of this unhealthy emotion but help others when we process the anger and the other emotions hidden underneath.
