6 Ways to Prepare for the Loss of a Parent

If your parents are believers, talk with them often about Jesus, your faith, where you are spiritually and where they are too, and ask how you can be praying for them. You will look back on the memories of those conversations after they’re gone. Sometimes we have only a vague idea that a parent is a believer and once they’re gone, we search for evidence or assurance that they’re really with their Creator and Heavenly Father. The more you talk with them about Jesus when they’re alive, the more you’ll be sure about their eternal destiny when they’ve died. 

I can’t imagine the fear that might be present in your life if one or both of your remaining parents are unbelievers. The Bible is clear that only those who are trusting in Jesus alone for their salvation will be with the Lord when they are absent in the body (2 Corinthians 4:14). But if you aren’t convinced of their salvation, overcome your hesitancy to share with them the truth and love of Jesus. Never forget: “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). 

Sometimes there isn’t much you can tell a parent, especially if they feel they know more than you. But many times, when they’re lying in a hospital or nursing home bed—devoid of hope, and held captive by your words—you have an opportunity to pray for them and with them. Many close friends and family members of mine have experienced the peace of God’s presence in the room as they’ve shared Jesus and His love with a dying family member and knew that family member heard and perhaps (sometimes only God knows) received Him in their heart. You have a guarantee from Jesus (Luke 29:39-44) and from Romans 10:9-10 that if your loved one declares with their mouth that Jesus is Lord (even in a barely audible whisper before dying), and believes in their heart that God raised Him from the dead, they are saved. Pray with them, take the risk one more time, even if they don’t act like they want to hear it. It’s never for nothing when you let someone know how much you love them by telling them how much God loves them and wants to spend eternity with them. 

Fear of regret can motivate us to keep in touch, to take the phone call from a parent even though it’s inconvenient timing, and to forgive that offense lest time run out to clear up a misunderstanding. I don’t want to have “unfinished business” with either of my parents on the day that I hear they’re no longer living. Take the time to talk now. Take the initiative one more time to try to work things out. Say the things you would say if you knew they had just moments to live. Tell them you love them, even if there isn’t a response on their part. 

My longtime friend regularly visits her Dad in a memory care home. As much as it breaks her heart to see him digress and lose his memory of her, she is (perhaps unknowingly) guarding her life from regrets because the day he passes she will know she did everything possible to make sure he knew he was loved. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” We don’t know how many days we—or our parents—have left, so be wise and say what you need to say.

4. Gather around you other believers who have lost their parents.  

When my friend, Author Donna Jones, told me about her pain, yet her praise for Jesus, when her father passed from this world into the arms of his heavenly father, I found myself thinking I’m so glad Donna is in my life. I will need her when the time comes that I lose my own dad. We weren’t created to be isolated in our faith and to suffer the death of loved ones on our own. God created us to live, work, worship, celebrate, and mourn in community. If you’ve left a local church, feeling it isn’t relevant to you any longer, I encourage you to rethink that decision. Get involved again. Rekindle relationships with other believers. Gather around you those who have lost a parent and experienced God’s peace rather than anxiety or depression. The time will come when you will want prayer support from other believers (when it gets close to your parent dying), and their love surrounding you when you let them know your loved one has finally passed on.

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Don’t wait until you lose a parent and are suffering with grief before drawing closer to God. Be right there, next to Him, so the minute you hear the news, or watch it happen, you can fall right into His capable, loving arms. Cling to Him now so when you need His comforting presence, you won’t feel a certain amount of creeping back or “prep work” is needed first. And when you are already close to your Savior, you won’t have to worry about guilt or fear of His judgment keeping you from seeking or experiencing His comfort, 

I’ve grown closer to God the past couple of years simply by talking with Him daily about my parents, their hearts for Him, their physical condition, their mental capacities, and asking for help and grace to honor them until the day they leave this earth. By taking to Jesus my fears of losing them and my anxieties about how arrangements might be handled, I am reassured He knows my concerns, and He can calm them like He calmed the wind and the waves. Talking with God about these matters also reminds us that He has already seen the exact moment of our parents’ passing and He will be there to guide us through it, just as He guides them across the great divide. By drawing closer to my heavenly daddy now, I am preparing myself for the loss of my earthly daddy one day soon. 

Philippians 4:6-7 assures us when we pray, rather than worry, the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Pray often about your concerns and experience God’s incomprehensible peace. 

Because my dad’s parents both lived into their 90s, I’ve often found myself expecting him to live at least that long, if not longer. Yet who am I to have demands or expectations on the timeline of my parents’ lives when that is something determined by God, their Maker. Scripture tells us our days were ordained for us before any of them came to be (Psalm 139:16), and that means God has already appointed the day, time, and means by which our parents will leave this earth. We can trust His all-knowing goodness and His perfect timing. 

Many of my friends now have parents who are experiencing dementia. That can be a long, weary road for both the parent and caretaker. Would I rather a parent suffer memory loss and deteriorating health simply because I’m not ready to say goodbye? Oh, the comfort we can find in a good God who has His reasons for when and how He takes each one of us home. Psalm 18:30 says all His ways are perfect, and that includes His timing. 

God is so good in His ways and in His timing that He knows what’s best for our parents, as well as what’s best for us. With Him, there are no accidents and no surprises. And Psalm 116:15 tells us, “The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die” (NLT). 

Trust Him with the beginnings of life and the ends, and everything in between. He created this life, and He knows the best way and time to transition us –and our loved ones—to the next. 

For a closer walk with God, and help with handling loss, see Cindi’s books, When God Sees Your Tears, and Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs.

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