3 Ways to Stop Being Ruled by Emotions

Our identities are tied to more than our best and worst moments; they are also relative to our experiences in between. The deep work of understanding our emotions during the in-betweens brings a liberating revelation: feelings are indicative, not definitive. Pain is an indicator, signaling that something within us requires attention.  

1. Facing Our Pain 

Our heart, which is the core of our soul, processes our emotional experiences. In efforts to protect ourselves from more pain, we oftentimes react in unhealthy ways towards others based on negative experiences from our past. These volatile reactions, birthed from our feelings, are the result of unaddressed pain.  

Responding to our pain is crucial. Unaddressed pain doesn’t magically disappear or improve over time; it hides in the shadows and holds us captive—even when we don’t realize it.  

When we don’t face our pain, it inevitably faces us. And although it can seem counterintuitive and scary to unleash the petrifying truths that have been glooming in our souls, facing our troubles ultimately puts us in control, positioning us in an active role of the healing process, rather than a reactive role in our feelings.  

Sure, facing the pains of our past is far from fun in the moment. It hurts; it’s difficult and painful. Yet, it’s necessary for finding true healing, freedom, and joy. It’s crucial for the development of ongoing healthy relationships with others too. 

The entry step in the difficult process of facing our pain involves admitting to ourselves that we have hurt harbored within; it is the courageous undertaking of acknowledging heartbreak, responding to grief, letting go of anguish, and embracing support so that we can ultimately reframe our pain and invite redemption into our lives. While this is not easy, it can certainly be done through Christ with time, attention, ample grace, and a willingness to grow. 

2. Guarding Our Hearts 

Guarding our hearts is the key to healing because our hearts are the wellsprings of our lives. From the heart proceeds thoughts, emotions, and actions. Jesus emphasized this connection between what enters the body and what comes out of the heart in Matthew 15:17-19:  

“Don’t you know that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and then is expelled as waste? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and it is those things that make a person unclean. It is out of the heart that evil thoughts come, as well as murder, adultery, sexual immorality, stealing, false testimony, and slander.” 

We must remember that our heart’s desires do not define our paths, but rather, that we have the power to shape the desires of our hearts. If we fail to do this, our heart’s cravings can lead to destructive patterns and unhealthy behaviors driven by impulsivity and immediate gratification.  

Similar to fertile soil, our hearts are not neutral; weeds grow effortlessly without any attention or dedication, and it is only a matter of time before the emotions we harbor within grow to the surface. It takes commitment to grow healthy crops that don’t get choked out by weeds.  

To guard our hearts is to be intentional about the beliefs we allow to take root within us. It requires consciously uprooting destructive seeds and planting new seeds of construction. This healing heart practice is more than just a one-time endeavor; it must become a lifelong habit of continuous growth and refinement.  

3. Sharing With Others 

As words flow from our mouths, they carry the weight of our experiences, the echoes of our pain, and the longings of our souls. The longer we contain our pain, the longer confusion will rule over our lives. Alternatively, sharing our despair brings clarity so that we can begin to thrive. In fact, when we open up to others, the constraints that have been binding our hearts begin to loosen. Luke 6:45 encourages us in this: 

“A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” 

In addition to sharing with healthy loved ones, it is important to consider avenues of professional help, such as counseling or therapy. These professionals serve as mirrors, reflecting on what we may not be able to see on our own, offering insights and observations that help us gain fresh understandings of ourselves. 

In reality, it takes strength and wisdom to acknowledge that we can’t become the best version of ourselves on our own. We need the personal and professional help of others to guide us through the healing process—ultimately reinforcing validity, encouragement, and accountability. 

We Can Heal 

We live in a fallen world, and consequently, our emotions oftentimes reflect the very nature of our hearts. Yet, we are not defined by our unstable and unpredictable emotions; we are more than our hurt and more than the actions of our past. We are children of God, set apart and holy, offered redemption in its fullness, all because of God’s grace through Jesus. 

It is only in and because of that amazing grace that we are compelled to seek healing all the more. We are called to live in freedom, to forgive, and to rejoice always. 

Through identifying, understanding, and sharing the roots of our pain, we can heal, grow and learn healthy habits moving forward. God is in the business of turning ashes into beauty; He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it into good. Our wounds are real, but they are not our identities. If we are willing to be healed, our lives will be transformed.  Rather than ignoring our pain, we can face it, surrender it and leave it behind for good, embracing holiness, healing, freedom, and joy.  

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Jay Yuno 

Mike Noriega is a spokesperson, author, and public speaker. Through his personal journey with loss following the aftermath of the Surfside Condo Collapse, Noriega has become an inspirational voice for both his family and community, sharing their experience, struggles, and unwavering faith through the colossal tragedy. Noriega’s mission is to guide and empower others in their journey of hope, healing, and restoration, offering the wisdom of an “uncollapsible” soul, even in the face of heartbreak. For more information on his book, “Uncollapsable Soul,” grieving process and journey to faith, visit https://mikenoriega.com/ or follow him on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Tik Tok.