What Is the Biblical Response to Anger?

Wouldn't it be awesome if our city was always that way? One place we should have this kind of unity is in the church. If anyone can get along, surely it is the family of God. But too often, the church gets bogged down in arguments, hurt, and disunity. We get angry!

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger" (Ephesians 4:31, NIV)

Why is resolving anger such a big deal? Unresolved anger will drive you farther from God and impact every relationship in your life. Anger affects every part of our lives.

You cannot categorize it. You cannot contain it. You must eradicate it!

My daughter and I have regular conversations about the state of affairs in our world. Specific issues evoke anger at the injustice that seems to be rampant. After we have covered all of our grievances, the conversation always comes to the point where Danna says, "I don't know, Mom!" My response is always, "The whole world has gone crazy!" We both agree. And the reason for the craziness? Anger.

The number one emotion in our world today is anger. And the church is not exempt. It's my personal opinion that I believe there are three main reasons people don't go to church:

3. Church is boring.

2. Church is irrelevant.

1. The Church is wounded - hurt.

My husband Dan and I have done ministry together for 45 years. Unfortunately, we have seen a lot of hurt in the church. Sometimes I've been the one who hurt someone. Sometimes I have been the recipient of the pain. If the church has hurt you, can I tell all of us that I am sorry this has happened? The church is a place of healing but can also be a place of hurt because it's a bunch of messy and messed-up people.

What happens when your family decides to get together - for any reason? Somebody's going to get hurt. Somebody's going to get angry because family is a collection of sinners that happen to be related. The church is a collection of sinners that happen to be connected, and any group of sinners means someone is going to get hurt.

The Word of God takes a clear and strong stance about how we should deal with our anger.

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:3, NIV).

"As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

Our natural response to anger is usually to fight or flight. Which one are you? A better-chosen response to anger is agreement and unity. That means being committed to restoration – not winning. It is choosing not to leave the table until all issues have been resolved and restitution made. The apostle Paul says we should make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Why is peace so important? Anger shuts down our growth. It may cause us to hurt someone else, but the reality is that the angry one suffers the most. Anger wounds our souls and affects our relationship with God and with others. Anger does not just impact the person with whom you are angry. Anger with one person will impact all of your relationships.

The good news is that God matures us when we offer grace in place of anger. We grow as Christ-followers and as human beings when we show grace in place of anger. Grace is unearned forgiveness and undeserved reconciliation. Why are unity and peace crucial in the lives of Christ-followers? First, harmony and peace are mission-critical for what God wants to do in your life. If you are angry, you cannot be who God wants you to be. If you are angry, you cannot do what God wants you to do. You will miss God's highest things for you if you are angry.

There are three significant callings in Scripture, three sets of marching orders Jesus gives to everyone who follows Him.

The Great Commission (GO) "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations …" (Matthew 28:19, NIV).

The Great Commandment (LOVE) "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-38, NIV).

The Great Collaboration (PEACE) Jesus prayed, "Let them be one – I in them and you in me – so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me" (John 17:22-23, NIV).

Yes, we are to GO! Yes, we are to LOVE!

But here is what I believe is often missing from the mission: We are to GO and love in peace! Only when we put all three of these together will we accomplish the Jesus mission! Listen to what he says in his most famous sermon, and brace yourself because it is a doozy! The peace starts with me. These words rock my world:

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24, NIV).

Did you see it? I have skimmed over these words, not taking the time to contemplate all that they mean. I could understand the Father telling me that if I have something against someone who has hurt me, I am to deal with it and leave it behind. But that is not what Matthew is telling us.

If we know someone is angry with us, we should leave our offering and get it straight before we offer Him our gift. In other words, our worship is worthless until we make things right with that person who has something against us. So, isn't making things right their responsibility to come to me? Nope.

It is not about waiting for the person who hurt you to apologize. It is not about waiting for them to change. It is not about waiting for me to get over it. Peace is choosing to get over it. The longer I walk with God, the more I realize just how imperative the word "choice" is to a life of integrity, a life that pleases God. How do I do that? How do I get past my hurt? Again, it begins with a choice, a choice to wage peace. I will be a warrior for peace, a warrior for God.

Identify someone with whom you are angry. I don't think that will be hard. That person's name came to mind when you began reading this article. Here is the challenge today. It is a challenge for the rest of your life. Extend grace to the one who has made you so angry. Because they deserve it? Nope. Because they have earned it? No. Because you feel like it? Probably not. Because God has extended grace to you, we can extend that same grace to others. Therefore, we need to wage peace instead of war.

The Prayer from St. Francis of Assis sums up this truth beautifully. It is the prayer of my heart. Choose to make it your prayer.

"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.