Why Christians Can Be Bad at Being Kind

I learned a few things while growing up around other Christians, and one of them, even though it might be hard for some to hear, is that Christians can be bad at being kind.

There’s a reason for this that I believe stems from some Biblical confusion, mainly the belief that once we're saved by grace through faith, we’re somehow better than other people around us. This is why the kindest Christians you will ever encounter are the ones that know their sinfulness, and they know how much they need and don’t deserve God’s grace:

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” - Ephesians 2:8-9.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed Christians judging other people. It’s truly disheartening. It makes me understand why non-Christians can sometimes get a bad taste in their mouth toward Christians. Just because we are saved, it doesn’t mean we aren’t still sinners. The Bible asks us to repent and turn from our sins: 

“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” -Matthew 1:15

But as human beings, we will never live a life of complete perfection. If this were true, we wouldn’t have needed Jesus to die for our sins past, present, and future. And whether we like to think about it or not, when we sit in church on Sunday morning, we are still sinners, just like the new person walking in or the person outside on the street. We are instructed in Scripture to repent and turn from our sins. Another way to look at repentance is changing our minds about sin and realizing its devastating effects and how it hinders our relationship with God.

Extending the Grace We've Been Given

As Christians, we need to remember that we, too, were once walking in and obsessed with our sin, but now we are walking towards God and are obsessed with Him. This doesn’t mean we don’t still make mistakes. This doesn’t mean we don’t mess up, it means that the Christian’s mindset regarding sin is different than that of the non-Christian. So, what grieves the heart of God now grieves us as well. 

We need to be gracious and compassionate as Jesus was toward those still walking in their sins and running away from God. Their direction is certainly different, but everyone is given a chance in this life to turn around and run toward Him. Remember the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:

“Jesus continued: ‘There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So, he divided his property between them.

Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.” - Luke 15:11-23.

God doesn’t pick favorites: He celebrates everyone who turns around and runs to Him.

People pick favorites. People judge. This is why Christians can be bad at being kind. We often have time for the people we agree with but don’t have time for the people we disagree with. We don’t have time for the people that we believe are more sinful than we are, but Scripture reminds us that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked in Jeremiah 17:9:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?”

That includes my heart as a Christian. So if we are going to get good at being kind, so to speak, instead of being bad at it: we need to stop judging others. We need to start extending a hand of kindness to the people that Jesus sat with - those who knew they were sinners. The people who were shocked that Jesus actually had time for them. There’s a whole list of those kinds of people in the Bible. People who knew their unworthiness, but Jesus loved them anyway.

Unkindness in the Church

Here are three quick examples of unkindness I’ve witnessed at the hands of other Christians:

• I was subject to a rumor in the Church years back that wasn’t true. And because of this, there were other Christians who were unkind to me. 
• My husband has a large arm tattoo that he got when he was a teenager: I watched other Christians look him up and down in a judgmental fashion inside of a Church building. God is concerned about our hearts; don’t forget that. Watching this broke my heart that day.
• My parents were subject to church hurt when I was a teenager, and my mom cried for months. I’ve seen the effects of unkindness and felt it first-hand. I cringed each time: because it was not supposed to be this way.

These are just a few examples from my own life where Christians were unkind and judgmental towards other Christians. 

When in fact, we should be the kindest, most non-judgmental people out there. We should be so grateful that we know Jesus, and He knows us along with all of our secret sinfulness and mistakes: yet He loves us just the same. Calling yourself a Christian does not mean that you can all of a sudden look down on those around you. It means you should be reading your Bible, praying, and becoming more like Jesus.

The one who sat and listened, the one who was kind, regardless. I often say that as a Christian, I know my sinfulness, I am aware that I am a sinner, and I know that I need my Savior. I wouldn’t have a chance in Heaven without him.

And that is why we must go back to Ephesians 2:8-9:

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

If God can extend that kind of grace to a sinner like me: He can extend that kind of grace to anyone. Regardless of their lifestyle, regardless of their background. Jesus went to the people who felt like there was no space for them. Jesus spent time with the people who the religious leaders of His time wouldn’t take a second look at. 

We Can Do Better

As Christians, we really can do better. We can open our arms wider. We can broaden our circles, and we can help other people feel like they fit in and that they, too, have a place at God’s table.

May we never turn someone away from the glorious gift of salvation.

Let’s never forget the old Hymn:

“Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…” - Amazing Grace, John Newton.

Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes 

Kali Dawson graduated from St. Thomas University with a B.A. in English and a Minor in Journalism and Communications. She is a School Teacher, Pilates Instructor, and Mama of two young children and a beautiful 2020 baby. She is married to her real-life Superhero. When she's not holding small hands or looking for raised hands you will find her writing fervently about faith and family. To read more, you can find her on Facebook at Faith, Family, Freelance.