2 Surprising But Harmful Ways We Use Comparison

I thought I had won the battle of comparison. I finally quit my addiction of trying to be like everyone else around me. I no longer care if I’m the smartest, prettiest, strongest, or fastest. In fact, as I get older, I care less and less about this stuff—after all, it’s a downhill struggle—I am wasting away, just like the psalmist lamented: “The years of our life are seventy,or even by reason of strength eighty;yet their span is but toil and trouble;they are soon gone, and we fly away.” Psalm 90:10 (ESV)

When I catch myself comparing myself to others, I filter my thoughts through Philippians 4:8 (ESV): “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Most of the time, comparison is just another lie from the enemy, and when I use Philippians 4:8 as my guide, I realize there’s no reason I should allow comparison to steal my joy.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “comparison” as the “examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities.” Unfortunately, most of us don’t just stop there. By definition, it’s not the actual act of comparison that’s the problem, it’s what we do with our findings. Whether we intend to compare ourselves to others, it still happens. It’s just part of human nature. 

In an article on Psychology Today, "Jealousy and Envy: The Emotions of Comparison and Contrast," Mary C. Lamia Ph.D., explains that the issue isn’t found when we compare ourselves to others, but when we focus on the differences:

“Comparison suggests similarity or equivalence, whereas contrast focuses on differences. At times you may compare yourself with another, but most often you will be focused upon contrasts based on negative feelings. How you feel about yourself is determined to a great degree by the comparison and contrast of your sense of self with what you consider to be your ideals, which may be projected upon another person.” 

Yet, even when I am able to resist comparing and contrasting myself to others, I still find a way to allow comparison to distract and prevent me from moving forward in life. That’s right, even if I can shut down my harmful thoughts of comparing myself to others, I still struggle with comparison.

I have discovered two harmful ways that we hurt ourselves with comparison without even comparing ourselves to others:

1. Comparing Ourselves to a Past Version of Ourselves

When we compare ourselves to a past version of ourselves under the guise of motivation, we’re actually holding ourselves back. After the birth of my second child, I struggled to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and shape. I did what so many of us have done. I stuck a photo up of how I used to look as my goal. I remember the first time I saw someone do this. It was my neighbor’s mom. A mother of four, and she expected to be able to have her 20-year-old body back. If you’re doing this, let me tell you, this is not healthy! 

I truly hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we can’t go back to who we used to be. My post-pregnancy body will never look like it did when I was 18. I’m not picking on those who have gained unwanted weight. That’s just merely one example of the ways we compare our current self to our past self.

Maybe we can’t run as fast, or we take longer to recall simple words as we age. We even go so far as to grieve the loss of the person we once were. We were athletic, energetic, motivated, and popular. We didn’t have bulging waistlines, wrinkles, or gray hair and receding hairlines. We could stay out past midnight and still function the next morning. We could eat half of a pizza and never worry about the scale. 

Oh, how times have changed. I look back on those days and realize that despite what I’ve lost over the last 20 years, I’ve gained in other ways. Instead of counting all of our losses, I’ve started counting all of our blessings. 

“Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12 (ESV)

Rather than dwelling in the past, trying to figure out how to get back to the person you were, consider everything you’ve experienced between now and then—all the trials and trauma and the highs and lows that have shaped you into the person you are today. 

Why would you want to be that woman in the past when your current self is so much more than she was or could ever be? Not only are you better than she is because you have grown, but you are better than she is because you are here in the present and she is not. You are ready to move forward into your calling while she is stuck in the past.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)

Perhaps you find yourself questioning if you are better off today than you were before. Maybe you’ve hit more lows than highs. Yet, something tells me that in those lows you’ve grown more than you probably know. If this is you, it’s time to take hold of a new life in Christ, leaving that old person behind, once and for all: 

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

Don’t allow the past version of yourself to dictate who you’ll be as you move forward into the future that God has prepared for you. 

2. Comparing Ourselves to an Ideal Version of Ourselves

Once we start moving in the right direction, it’s easy to fall into the trap of another type of comparison—that is, comparing our current self to our ideal self. There’s so much to do, so little time, and we are so far from that person we wish we could be. That’s the message we get from the world, our minds, the enemy, so we try to compete with a version of ourselves that doesn't even exist.

Perhaps you haven’t accomplished everything you thought you should have by now. Maybe certain choices or life-altering circumstances have led you to your current situation, and it’s not quite what you expected your life to look like at this point. 

But the truth is, your very best self is your current self because that is the only version of yourself that is actually real, and it’s the only version of yourself that is showing up each and every single day. 

Instead of Comparison, Try This 

So this is what we know to be true: the past version of yourself is long gone, and the ideal version of yourself isn’t even real. It’s time to stop the unhealthy and unrealistic act of comparison and instead look to a steady, realistic target.

Where comparison is an unhealthy motivator and sets us up for failure, emulating and imitating someone whose qualities you wish to possess can be a positive motivator.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1 (ESV), Paul says, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” After his conversion, Paul only looked toward who God called Him to be. He didn’t compare himself to who he once was or who he wasn’t yet. Instead, he simply set his eyes on Jesus: “I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” Philippians 3:14 (ESV).

Paul’s life goal went from trying to be the best Pharisee to living a life worthy of the calling of the good news of Jesus Christ. 

What is that good news? It’s that you will never be enough, but you can let yourself off the hook. Instead, grasp onto the truth that Jesus is enough for you. Instead of comparing yourself to everyone and even to a supposedly “better” version of yourself, turn to Jesus and the grace that He offers unconditionally. 

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8 (ESV)

If you’re not content with who you are in Jesus and who God says you are, you will never find peace, and you’ll never feel like you’re good enough. Instead of comparing yourself to a past or ideal version of yourself, look to Jesus and the truth of the Scriptures. 

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14 (ESV)

Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock

Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, adult son, and teen daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications, and is a Go + Tell Gals licensed life coach. Jennifer hopes to use her calling of writing, coaching, and speaking to equip and empower women to clarify their vision and to boldly step forward in response to God's calling on their life, as well as educate and encourage others to experience the abundance of God's goodness when they seek Him first in all that they do. Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.

You can keep up with Jennifer on her website https://www.jenniferjabbour.com.