5 Reasons We Need Female Friendships

1. To Make Us Better Than We'd Be Alone

Right before the pandemic, I authored a Bible Study on healthy female friendships, which forced me to think hard about what truly makes a good friend. Here’s the definition I came up with: “A good friend propels you to be the best version of you--the one God had in mind when He created you.”

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” This is the essence of true friendship, the kind where each person propels the other to be the best version of herself, spiritually, relationally, physically, and mentally.

For example, one friend might be a great mom, so doing life with her makes you a better mom, too. Another friend might be committed to good health, so rubbing shoulders with her makes you more physically healthy than you’d be on your own. A third friend may be more spiritually mature, motivating you to seek God in ways you might not seek Him otherwise. Of course, the opposite is true, as well. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Interestingly, recent scientific studies show that people become like their five closest friends. For instance, one study found that people increase their willpower if they surround themselves with self-controlled friends. Another study found that people tend to make salaries similar to their five closest friends. And while these findings don’t always ring true, they indicate that our closest friends influence our lives for better or worse.

In short, we become like our friends. And, a good friend propels us to be the best version of ourselves--the one God had in mind when He created us.

2. To Help Us When Times Get Tough

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 is often quoted at weddings, but it’s equally applicable to friendship. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If one of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to help them up.”

No matter how strong, self-sufficient (or introverted) any of us might be, at some point, all of us need other people. Female friends are notorious heroes when times get tough. A good friend lifts you up emotionally; she listens when you need to vent, wipes tears when you need to cry, encourages when you get knocked down, prays when circumstances look bleak, offers wisdom when you feel confused, and makes you laugh when life gets heavy. But, female friends help in more tangible ways, too. They make meals when you welcome a baby or bury a loved one, drive you to cancer treatments, pick up your kids when work keeps you late, and help pack boxes during a move.

In short, good female friends roll up their sleeves and help us in times of need.

3. To Listen to the Details of Our Lives

Some topics of conversation can only be fully understood by another woman. No man (even a really great one) can fully empathize with issues surrounding motherhood, PMS, or menopause. Female friends normalize our uniquely feminine experiences. But there’s another, often overlooked, reason we need female friends.

If you’ve ever tried to share blow-by-blow details of an event with your husband, son, or brother, you may have noticed that, at a certain point, their eyes began to glaze as their interest starts to wane. They may have even said something like, “get to the point.” This isn’t because the men in your life are uncaring or mean; it’s simply because men and women listen differently. Numerous studies indicate that “women tend to absorb more information through their senses and store more of it in the brain for other uses than men do. Therefore, women generally have more interest in details and pay more attention to them than men do.” 

The implication, of course, is that we need female friends to listen to the details of our lives. This isn’t to say male friends, spouses, sons, and brothers can’t listen to us and love us--they can, and they do! But, in a unique God-designed way, other women enjoy hearing the details of our lives as much as we like sharing them.

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4. To Hold Us Accountable 

Hebrews 10: 23-25 spells out a crucial reason we need female friends: to keep us from going “off the rails” spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. It reads:

 “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

In this short passage, the words “us” and “we” are used four times, and we are commanded not to give up meeting together. Clearly, other people play an essential role in helping us hold unswervingly to our faith. In a culture gone crazy with false notions about God and what it means to be a Christian, we can’t underestimate our need for godly female friends.

As a longtime pastor’s wife, I’ve observed only a handful of behaviors that result in outcomes 100% of the time. In other words, if I observe X, I can be 100% sure I will also see Y.

Want to know what one of the behaviors and resulting outcomes is? If a woman distances herself from believers, she always (eventually) distances herself from Christ. This may seem harsh, but it is true. Godly friends are guardrails for our faith. They hold us accountable. They keep us from swerving off the path of right living and correct thinking. They serve as role models. They love us back to our Savior.

5. To Make Life More Fun

When my middle child, Kylie, was a sophomore in high school, her friend group began to change. As the girls in her group morphed from young teens to older teens, many made moral choices Kylie wasn’t comfortable with. She soon found herself without a single close friend.

And, as every woman who’s ever lived through 10th grade knows, friends are everything to a teenage girl. My heart broke for my friendless daughter. So, I did the only thing I knew to do: I prayed.

Though my daughter was too old to tuck into bed, she wasn’t too old to have me sit by her side or at the end of her bed and chat. And, every night, just before we turned out the light, I prayed the same prayer: Lord, please bring Kylie a godly Christian friend, who’s really fun, too. Friends, after all, are people we have fun with.

God didn’t answer the prayer the first day I prayed it. Or the second. Or the third. But, several months later, Kylie met Kiki and Jessica--not one, but two godly Christian girls, who were really fun, too. Kylie, Kiki, and Jessica graduated high school. And college. They got married. They are dear friends to this day. What God did for my daughter, God wants to do for you, too.

Good female friends are one of God’s best gifts. At times, female friendships can be messy, challenging, and hurtful. But, female friends make us better than we’d be without them; they help us when times get tough, they listen to the details of our lives, they hold us accountable, and they help us hold onto our faith. And, like icing on a cake, good female friends make life more fun.