Why Women Feel Disappointed after Valentine’s Day

If you are a bit disappointed about how Valentine’s Day went over, you are not alone. 

Women, regardless of their relationship status, tend to feel the letdown every February 14. 

The culprit? Great expectations. Or maybe just unrealistic ones.

Statistics abound showing that women feel particularly frustrated and let down on February 14, because of unmet expectations. Single women often look for a commitment or the presentation of a ring if they’ve been in a relationship for a while. Married women look for emotional connection at a deeper level or expressions of love that will meet their preconceived romantic notions. And many times, even well-intentioned men can’t possibly compete. 

In a recent study of what makes married women happy, it was found that the biggest predictor of women’s happiness is their husband’s emotional engagement. The extent to which he is affectionate, to which he is empathetic, to which he is basically tuned into his wife was the most important factor in predicting the wife’s happiness.

The study also found “if the wife had to choose between having a husband who is taking half the housework and having a husband who is really making a conscious, deliberate effort to focus emotionally on his wife, the emotional focus is much more likely to be a paramount concern.” 

That speaks volumes about what women want and expect. And men – who tend to be more action-oriented in how they show their love (by helping with the chores, repairing the garage door, cleaning out your car, or helping with the kids)  – can miss the mark with us when it comes to trying to express their affections on Valentine’s Day, or any time, for that matter.  

That said, fulfilling a woman’s idea of romance and expectations of emotional intimacy is not something most men, in particular, specialize in.

In fact, many men struggle with how to convey their feelings in a way that their wives or girlfriends will understand and appreciate. But what if you were to focus, not on your expectations or disappointment from a lack of intimacy, but on the Author of Intimacy, Himself, and what He's been trying to show you, day in and day out, about how cherished you are in His sight?  

In other words, what if you looked to God to meet your emotional expectations first and then let the man in your life (if you have one) do what he can and see it as an added bonus? (That doesn’t let your man off the hook. It just frees you up from the emotional expectations that tend to keep you in bondage and possibly make you clingy. And as you ease up on your expectations of the man in your life, you become one whom he may be more motivated to pursue again.) 

You can begin to focus on God’s love for you, rather than a man’s, by looking at the tender words God says, in His Word, to and about His people: 

• He calls you unforgettable: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15). 
   
• He says He has always loved you and always will: "...I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3). 
   
• He calls Himself your Husband: “For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit…”  (Isaiah 54:5-6a).
   
• He says His love for you is greater than anything you'll ever find on this earth: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). And then Jesus did just that -- He laid down His life for you… one He calls "friend."  
   
• He promises He'll never leave you: "...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5b).  
   
• He assures you that He has chosen you as His own: “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight…” (Ephesians 1:4). 
   
• He knows you inside out: "You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar… Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord" (Psalm 139:2,4).
   
• He assures you in His Word that nothing will be able to separate you from His unfailing love: "...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39).  

Reading verses like that, over and over, is like re-reading portions of a love letter that resonates with our hearts. And when our emotional tank is filled – by recognizing that we are valuable, loved and pursued in the sight of an all-knowing, all-loving God – we can then receive whatever our husband or boyfriend has to offer as the “cherry on top.” Or, if nothing else is offered us, we still know we are loved and we are more able and stable to deal with whatever does – or does not – come our way. 

If you are longing for more, look to the Only One who can satisfy. For the God who is infinite still wants to be intimate with you. Starting that intimate relationship with Him is as easy as A-B-C:  

A - Acknowledge that He loves you more than any other. 

B - Believe that He died on the cross to pay the penalty for your sin so you could spend eternity with Him. 

C - Commit your life to Him by spending time with Him regularly in His Word and growing in your obedience and understanding of Him. 

This God who pursues your heart knows you inside out. Isn't it time you start getting to know Him? 

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker who helps women and couples strengthen their walk with God and their relationships. She is the author of 15 books including, When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, When God Pursues a Woman’s Heart, When God Sees Your Tears, and God’s Whispers to a Woman’s Heart, a devotional for those who feel alone.  For more on her books or speaking ministry, or free articles to strengthen your soul, marriage, or parenting, see her website www.StrengthForTheSoul.com. 

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