Does the Bible Tell Us Anything about Arranged Marriages?
- Clarence L. Haynes Jr. Contributing Writer
- Published Aug 15, 2024
Many ancient cultures accepted the practice of arranged marriages: it helped them forge unions with other families that benefitted their tribal needs, social status, and religious views.
Not surprisingly, then, the Bible contains several examples of arranged marriages, like Isaac and Rebekah. Marty Solomon notes that arranged marriages didn’t necessarily mean the parents organized everything without their children’s feedback. So, we also see arranged marriages that combine the men seeking a spouse with the families being significantly involved in the proceedings, like Jacob marrying Leah and Rachel.
In today’s Western and American cultures, marriage views have significantly shifted, emphasizing individual choice, romantic love, and personal compatibility. This raises the question of how we should view arranged marriages today. While arranged marriages still exist in certain cultures and communities, whether they should be practiced today depends on individual values, cultural beliefs, and personal convictions. The key consideration should be whether the arranged marriage fosters mutual respect, love, and a shared commitment to the relationship.
What Does the Old Testament Say about Arranged Marriages?
While the Bible records instances of arranged marriages, it does not command or mandate this practice.
Sometimes, God used to practice for good ends. God led the Israelites into the promised land and told them not to intermarry with the other nations.
“Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” (Deuteronomy 7:3-4)
One way to combat concerns about people turning their hearts away from the Lord was to arrange marriages to spouses from the same faith tradition.
One famous biblical example of arranged marriages is the story of Isaac and Rebekah, found in Genesis 24. Abraham was very old; his wife Sarah had died, and he wanted to find a wife for his son. However, he does not want Isaac to marry a Canaanite woman, so he sends his servant back to his family’s territory to find a wife for Isaac. His servant found a woman named Rebekah.
It’s also interesting that there is no indication that Isaac requested a wife. Granted, it was probably expected he would marry. E. Randolph Richards and Richard James explain in their book Misreading Scripture with Individualist Eyes that ancient cultures saw getting married and having families as deeply important—for one thing, ancient cultures didn’t have social security nets. Having children meant someone to care for aging parents. Still, Abraham seems to be the one taking the initiative. The Bible tells us that, in this case, God blessed the outcome: Isaac loved Rebekah and was comforted after losing his mother.
The arranged marriage also seems sudden. There is no sign that Rebekah, like Isaac, was looking for a spouse. Yet shortly after Abraham’s servant arrived, she was on her way to becoming Isaac’s wife. That may show that Rebekah was willing to leap of faith because the marriage seemed God-ordained.
The story also teaches us about balancing family involvement and consent in marriage. Rebekah had her family's blessing to enter this marriage, but we also see she had a choice. Rebekah was not forced into the marriage. She was asked if she would go with Abraham’s servant to marry Isaac. Abraham even gave his servant permission to return alone if the potential wife refused to return. Consent was important.
Does the New Testament Say Anything about Arranged Marriages?
Arranged marriages were still happening during the New Testament period, although the documents don’t discuss the practice much. Instead, the New Testament epistles and gospels emphasize a husband and wife’s roles within a marital relationship. The principle remains the instruction and encouragement that two believers marry each other.
However, Christianity’s spread meant something else developed within marriages, which still happens today. While marriages may have been arranged based on social or religious affiliations, that dynamic changed when one of the spouses converted to Christ. This did not automatically end the marriage but added an additional element. Now, a believer was married to an unbeliever.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul advises people in these relationships. He encourages Christians to stay married if the unbeliever wants to stay in the marriage, especially for the children’s benefit. This speaks to God’s design for marriage: it is supposed to be for life. The commitment to marriage remains even in these scenarios.
How Common Are Arranged Marriages Today?
You may think that arranged marriages are long gone. However, that is not the case. One article on Brides.com reports that half of all marriages worldwide are arranged, and 20 million couples today have arranged marriages. It does appear most arranged marriages today come from Asian and Middle Eastern cultures. In India, approximately 90 percent of all marriages are arranged.
Interestingly, the divorce rate among arranged marriages is about 4 percent, much lower than the alleged 40-50 percent divorce rate observed in marriages where individuals choose their partners based on romantic love. While the exact reasons for this difference are complex, one possible explanation is spouses in arranged marriages may view their union as a lifelong commitment deeply rooted in cultural and familial expectations, perhaps with high shame involved if the marriage ends. Those who marry for love might approach marriage with different expectations, which could contribute to a higher divorce rate.
Should Christians Choose Arranged Marriages?
Is it a good idea for Christians to consider arranged marriages? If you go by the numbers, those in arranged marriages are more likely to stay married. However, there is no biblical mandate that says Christians should do this.
It’s also worth considering the complications that arranged marriages can lead to, especially in cultures that don’t give the children much consent. Families may pick someone they believe would be the ideal match for their child, which may not fit the child’s feelings. Disappointment and tension may follow.
Most people today who have arranged marriages do so for cultural reasons more than spiritual ones. Some may do what Abraham’s servant did and pray for God to lead us to the right mate. However, it may not work out as smoothly as it did then. For one thing, Rebekah and Isaac lived in a culture that offered strong family support, so they had structures to help them maintain the marriage. Today that may be true in some Middle Eastern churches, but most Christian communities in the West are filled with people from all different cultures and backgrounds, making arranged marriages that can last long term far less likely.
Most people today (at least in Western culture) find and choose the person they will marry. Granted, that freedom may not make the decision easier; sometimes, it makes things more challenging because no one wants to choose the wrong mate.
Arranged Marriages Today More Cultural than Spiritual
However, as God helped Abraham’s servant find a wife for Isaac, I believe God will also help you find the right mate. We could perhaps say that if we seek God and walk in obedience to him while seeing a spouse, we find an arranged marriage. The difference is that it is not done by culture or family but by the hand of God.
The New Testament focuses on maintaining marriages and seeking to marry people who share your faith. The emphasis shows the important thing is finding a spouse who shares your faith, arranged or not.
Whether you come together through an arranged marriage or by choice, the principles for a working marriage remain the same. The same amount of love, work, commitment, and prayer are required regardless of how you enter your marriage. The goal is not ultimately to get married but to stay married.
Photo Credit:Pixabay/Pexels
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