How to Find Hope and Healing After Your Marriage Ends

The pen in my right hand lightly grazed the paper and signed my full legal name: Brandi L. Wilson – the name I’d signed thousands of times since the moment I walked down the aisle of my parent’s church in tiny-town Kentucky toward the man I loved. But this time, the signing of my name signaled an end. An end to my marriage. An end to my current family unit. An end to being a wife. An end to my role at a church I loved and helped plant fourteen years before. My signature would end life as I’d known it. Signing my name signified my status as a divorced woman and a newly single mom to three sons. 

Signing my divorce decree was like reaching a finish line marking the end of an eighteen-month battle. I was now facing a new beginning where everything was unknown. I’d already been through so much devastation and was too tired to even think about starting over. Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion regularly overpowered me and brought me to my knees. 

Maybe you’re like me. I’m a glass-half-full, let’s-find-the-positive-in-this-situation kind of girl. I’m not one who likes to focus on suffering. Yet we all go through seasons of suffering that feel like they will take us out, cause us to wonder if we’ll survive the heartache, and force us to question what we believe and who really loves us. Trust me, I wish I didn’t have to write about divorce and suffering, but I choose to share the value a season of suffering brings to your life. 

When I was so desperate that all I had was God, I poured out my hurt to Him regularly in the pages of my journal. In many ways, God was the only person I felt I could be totally honest with. The pain felt like my heart was breaking, and having trivial conversations was exhausting, so I often hunkered down in my house alone. 

Depression ruled my days, and anxiety stole sleep from my nights. It was a period of my life that I hoped would end quickly - but I also knew the battle that lay ahead. My intention became focusing on one day at a time. Anything else overwhelmed me and seemed insurmountable. Fear and anxiety were my constant companions; the questions swirled day and night: 

Would my heart ever heal from the repeated betrayal and abandonment?

Were my children going to be forever damaged by the impending divorce?

Would I be alone forever?

Would I be able to make it financially?

How would I pay for college as a single mom?

Had I made the right decision to file for divorce? 

I repeatedly asked myself that last question: Did I make the right decision? The right decision for myself and the right decision for my boys. Divorce wasn’t what I wanted; I desired to continue fighting for reconciliation and restoration. But what I wanted wasn’t to be. I realized I couldn’t control what was happening to me, but I could control how I responded to what was happening to me. That began to help me feel a bit empowered. Life felt out of control, but I did have control of myself and the life I chose to live moving forward. I began to see glimpses of hope. 

Because in my suffering, I knew He was my lifeline.

In my suffering, He was my constant companion.

In my suffering, He was my HOPE. 

Rejoicing in heartbreak sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s heartbreak that will prompt your soul-searching and be a catalyst for your closeness to God. God will help you stand in your pain, not because of your strength but because He is in you. You who have begged for the pain and heartache to end, who are so overwhelmed—look to Him, keep your head up, cling to hope, ask Him to help you learn from this suffering, and to see what He wants you to see. Don’t just look, but see Him and those around you. 

I don’t know what season you’re in. Whether the suffering in your life feels too overwhelming to function, you feel depleted, or you are in the process of recovering from a season of intense suffering, know that this is not the end. The words “to be continued” are for you and your life, and there is immense hope in those words. 

As I signed “Brandi L. Wilson” as a newly single mom, I knew I was damaged—but not destroyed. Moving forward wouldn’t be easy, and life would never be the same. But deep down, I knew I could and would begin the process of healing and would rise again.

Since that day, I’ve made a surprising discovery: There’s good news when your life falls apart. Really. The beauty of your life falling to pieces is that you get to put those pieces of your life back together the way you want with the help of God. Yep, you’re in total control. You have control of your thought patterns, your self-care, how you spend your time, what you want for your future, and how you act on your feelings. It may not feel like control at the time since it’s thickly laced with fear and apprehension, but it is control. And when we take that control and choose healing, hope, and closeness to God, we will begin seeing a lot more of God and His promises in our stories. 

You might be going through hell right now, but you’re going to be okay. You really are. Just take one day at a time. Let me remind you of a few things you might need to hear. 

You are worthy.

You are loved.

You are strong.

You are going to make it through this.

You are unique and special.

You will survive your season of suffering and come out stronger.

You’re going to be better than okay.

PERMISSION LINE: Article adapted from Better Than Okay: Finding Hope and Healing After Your Marriage Ends by Brandi Wilson (copyright 2023, published by Bethany House / Baker Publishing Group)

Find Brandi's new book here.

Brandi Wilson is a coach and speaker who has been in leadership for more than a decade at Leading and Loving It, a non-profit created to empower women to love life and ministry. Brandi has helped plant two churches and is passionate about walking alongside single moms and divorced women as they navigate parenting and life. Her latest book is Better Than Okay: Finding Hope and Healing After Your Marriage Ends. Brandi lives with her three sons in Nashville, TN. www.LoveBrandiWilson.com