4 Reasons I'm Glad Our First Kiss Was at the Altar

My husband and I did not kiss until we were pronounced "husband and wife" at the altar.

It's not like we paraded this fact in front of family members or friends–but even in Christian circles, our purity convictions were met with shocked expressions and many questions. To answer a few that you might have read this: Yes, it was hard. Yes, we did want to kiss each other before we got married. And YES, it was so worth the wait!

Ephesians 5:3 urges us all to a high standard of purity: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." My now-husband and I both desired to take this Scripture very seriously in our relationship.

This didn't mean becoming the Purity Police for anyone else, but it did mean that we protected our hearts against anything that felt like it led to physical or emotional intimacy. We knew that sexual intimacy was a gift from God and that it was GOOD–but that it was meant to be enjoyed in the security of a marital relationship. So much hurt happens to both parties when that line is crossed before its time.

I remember the first time I ever taught this Scripture in Ephesians. My mentor told me, "This Scripture means not even a hint of sexual immorality. If I offered you a cup of water and said, 'Oh, don't worry about it, there's just a hint of pee in it,' would you drink that water?" Of course not!"

So, when we first started dating, we had a very direct discussion about what "not even a hint" looked like for us. We decided that although kissing each other wasn't necessarily an outright sin–plenty of cultures kiss just to say hello, etc.- it would not be helpful for us. Purity is hard; why make it harder?

For us, it just felt like kissing would be playing with fire and could very easily "awaken love before its time" (Song of Solomon 3:5). The same went for sleeping next to each other, even with other people around, holding each other for too long, or laying on each other. We had so much fun going on adventures together while holding hands. I cherished our time in the car when he'd put his hand on my knee or I'd play with his hair and touch his neck. My primary love language is physical touch, which was definitely a huge part of our relationship–but only to the point that still felt pure and holy for us.

Okay–you might be thinking right now that I am some puritanical, legalistic psycho who needed to relax. Or, you might be young and single and feel like this purity level is just too impossible to attain. But let me assure you–purity is not only possible, it is so, so preferable to the alternative. It is a gift from God.

Purity in our dating relationship led to so many amazing things. Here are the top 4 reasons why purity made our dating relationship AND marriage so much better:

1. Upholding Purity Helped Us Trust Each Other Completely

I felt so loved by my husband's protection of my purity and his own; he'd tell you the same thing for me.

Although purity culture typically evokes fear and distrust when it comes to purity by making it out like you can't trust your convictions and that every man could be mentally undressing you no matter what you wear, I felt like purity led to so much safety in our relationship.

I had my share of impure experiences before I became a Christian, so finding a man with so much integrity and care for me that he didn't want to cross that boundary was such a gift to me.

We didn't always talk about our purity, and I never asked for graphic details. But the check-ins we did have about how we felt like our current physical boundaries were or weren't helping our relationships with God were so refreshing and brought us closer.

I knew he was committed to his relationship with God. He knew I was committed to mine. And our purity was a great indicator of that.

In the process of deciding if I was going to marry him or not, I knew that if this man in front of me could deny himself for my benefit, out of care for me and care for his relationship with God, that would set us up beautifully for a future of doing the same for each other. And it has proven true.

2. Not Kissing Kept Our Relationship Very Clear

An amazing cocktail of brain chemicals gets released in sexual intimacy. God is so kind to have designed our bodies that way. But, when you're not sure yet if you want to be bonded to that person for life because you're not married, releasing those chemicals can be very damaging.

According to Healthline.com, "Oxytocin is a chemical linked to pair bonding. The rush of oxytocin released when you kiss causes feelings of affection and attachment." Again, affection and attachment are wonderful things. But they also can cause so much confusion if you and your partner aren't there yet.

The bond that forms between a man and a woman during sex is supposed to be a bond for life. So if you are bonding that way with someone but don't know if you can trust them with other important things like telling the truth, paying their bills, working hard, having good relationships, etc., it can make things very confusing and complicated.

Part of you may want to break up if there are those red flags. But then another part of you wants to stay because of that bond that isn't supposed to be there. It is so painful to break that bond that you may decide to stay in the relationship, even though it isn't good for you.

Because my husband and I didn't form bonds that we weren't ready for yet, I knew I was seeing him clearly. I could make much more objective decisions about our relationship without those deeper emotions clouding my judgment, and the same for him. We could truly focus on getting to know each other as people, how we helped each other spiritually, and what kind of team we made together. Our relationship was built at the perfect pace, and nothing got in the way of our friendship and pure love for each other. We have God's way to thank for that.

3. Not Kissing Strengthened Our Trust in God's Plans for Us

When you're a kid, and your mother tells you not to eat a candy bar before dinner because she knows it would make your empty stomach hurt, it makes no sense. You cry, flail, and throw a tantrum because the candy bar is good, and you want it NOW.

Your mother wasn't trying to keep you from pleasure. She just knew that if you ate the candy bar after dinner, you'd enjoy it more. It would be better for you. Trusting God when he tells us to wait is much the same. It hurts at the moment, but if you trust him, you'll experience the goodness he wanted for you all along.

Keeping ourselves from intimacy that wasn't ours yet was such a tangible lesson in trusting when God says to wait.

I'm not saying our dating relationship was perfect. We had our growing pains and lessons like everyone else. But there was also a lightness to our relationship – a pure spirit of joy, fun, and ease. Denying ourselves of intimacy that wasn't for us yet left so much room for those beautiful things to grow.

And now that we are married, we enjoy our physical intimacy so much more than we would have if we had experienced it too soon. There is no guilt, no shame. No bad memories of doing something we shouldn't clouding our time together. There is nothing but mutual trust and the ease of conscience that comes from knowing that we are fully aligned with how God designed us and our bodies.

Waiting was hard, but we only had to wait 15 months. And now our marriage is set up to enjoy unmarred intimacy for the next 60+ years. It was worth it.

4. Not Kissing Made Our First Kiss Magical!

Some couples can read Ephesians 5:3 and still decide that kissing for them is pure and does not lead to a hint of sexual immorality. Great for them! That is totally fine. Everyone must come to their own convictions based on what the Holy Spirit is telling them.

But we just knew our bodies would react to that stimulation and want more. So, when we finally kissed for the first time, it was at the altar – and it was everything we hoped it would be.

Of course, it was awkward because it was in front of 80 friends and family members. Of course, we were nervous. But looking back on that first kiss, I feel like the luckiest heroine of the cheesiest love story. It was perfect. I still tear up thinking about it because it was infused with so much love, excitement, and anticipation.

Our first kiss is a tangible symbol of how God's way is the best. He is not holding out on us like Eve was led to believe in the garden. He wants what is best for us, and when we trust that, we experience more than this world could ever offer–we experience a little bit of heaven!

If you are in a relationship or want one in the future and are wondering if purity is worth it–it is! I promise you it is. God loves you enough that you get to be pure instead of having to be, and that is a beautiful, miraculous thing.