What Are God's Expectations for Christian Marriage?
- Alicia Searl Contributing Writer
- Updated Jan 08, 2024
Every time I have the pleasure of attending a wedding, I don’t know if it is the atmosphere of “love in the air” or just the sheer fact of watching two sweet souls pledging their love for one another, but those sparks always touch my heart. The simple yet powerful act of two becoming one symbolizes and brings forth so much meaning. It is truly beautiful and breathtaking.
It’s been a while since I’ve been a guest at a wedding, maybe because my hubby and I are at that in-between stage where most of our friends are already married or have kiddos approaching that mark. Whoa! Just saying that out loud (or writing it) strikes a chord, provoking a bit of excitement and anxiety all at the same time! I am still getting used to having young men coming over and whisking away our teen daughters for a movie or dinner date.
Even still, I say this because as I watch young love blossom and bloom, it’s neat to see the humble beginnings. I think we far too often fail to remember our own sweet love story and how it all began. We can so easily get caught up in the distractions and busyness or get swept away in challenging seasons that the tender love once shared slowly becomes wilted and withered. Oftentimes, just hitting the rewind button and recreating moments to rekindle your love can bring back that loving feeling – no pun intended.
But is it really that easy? Can we just tap back into those days when love seemed to come so easily, or is there more to it than that? Better yet, is it as simple as attending a wedding (or recreating a magical date) and allowing the sparks to fly? Or is it more than merely finding a sweet spot where we can truly embrace the love in the stage of life we are currently in?
Well, one thing is for certain - love is something we all desperately crave and need, but it is also complex. So, let’s get back to basics here. Whether you’re riding the tidal waves of passion in your marriage or finding yourselves in a lull of complacency, let’s dig into God’s Word and see exactly what He has to say about your marriage. I can’t guarantee that you won’t encounter tidal waves of immense highs and lows, but I can assure you that God will see you through those times. And the best part is that His blessed gift of marriage was meant for us to experience His incredible love and utter joy in this life. So, let’s reignite those sparks and get back to our humble beginnings by truly understanding what God wants for our union.
Submit to God First and Foremost
Marriage gets a bad rap these days. Our culture has so many mixed messages about love and even what God wants for us in a marriage. We mustn’t fall into the trap of the human definition of love, but rather cling tightly to the truth that God is not only the inventor of love, but He gets to tell us how to love others and love others well (1 John 4:16). That said, God’s Word describes marriage as a holy union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). Furthermore, a man and woman joined in matrimony are to remain loyal to one another and behave in a moral manner (Hebrews 13:4, Matthew 19:8).
That begins with submission. Husbands and wives are called to submit to Christ – first (Ephesians 5:21). Jams 4:7 tells us to submit ourselves to God by resisting the devil. In a marriage, this looks like putting God first, seeking His will and way, knowing the liar is always on the prowl looking for a couple to sway into the ways of this world and slowly devour (1 Peter 5:8). The good news is that we can fight for our marriages by remaining a united front, praying and reaching out to God, allowing Him to draw close and protect our unity.
Procreate and Foster the Next Generation
Through God’s great love for us and all of humankind, He calls each of His sons and daughters who are joined in marriage to procreate. We see this declaration by God in Genesis 1:28 when He commands Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, furthermore telling them that they have dominion over every living thing. We see this play out again in the days of Noah when God blesses him and his sons (Genesis 9:1).
However, as blessed as it is to be a parent and raise a child, we see time and time again couples in the Bible that struggled to have children, women who were barren, or families that endured the devastating loss of a child.
As a woman (and couple) who struggled with infertility, I understand the heartbreak, pain, and confusion that come with being unable to conceive. I get the misunderstandings that often get wrapped up in the message of procreating and the inadequacies that come with all of that.
However, Psalms 113:9 reminds us that God loves each of us so powerful and filled with purpose, providing for us in ways we never knew possible. The plans He has for our lives are uniquely our own. That should comfort us in knowing that the command to procreate will come differently for every couple. That means that He gives the barren woman a home and renewed purpose, and the couple unable to conceive a tug in their heart to adopt or care for those in their community. Oh, friend, we must remember that our God is so good, and His promises are true, making what He can do and the possibilities wonderfully endless.
Be Good Stewards – Together
When we see that everything we own and have comes from our Father, including our relationships and even our faith, we can strive to put into practice an attitude of gratefulness and implement practical ways to serve our God. Being a vessel for Christ allows us to love others better and be more intentional with our blessings (Isaiah 42:6).
So, maybe you are wondering what that looks like exactly. I know I have had the same thoughts. First, we must recognize that we are joined as “one flesh,” and while we can serve and love others independently, we can also do so much together. That’s because God places ministries and missions in the hearts of Christian couples as a means to grow closer together and more intimately with Him.
Start with prayer and ask where God is leading you and your spouse. Then pray together and seek His discernment on how to manage the resources and blessings you’ve been given to share hope and God’s love (1 Corinthians 4:2, 1 Peter 4:10, Acts 20:35). Whether you choose to serve at church together, sit down and plan a budget to attain to, or spend quality time together fostering your relations with regular date nights, stewardship in marriage is essential and so beneficial to our spiritual growth as a couple.
Embrace Your Roles as Man and Woman
There is a lot of chatter on the roles of men and women in today’s world. As mentioned before, we must be very careful not to be swayed by what others say makes up a man and woman but rather hold tightly to the truth of who God says we are as His beloved sons and daughters. And let’s start with one simple truth above all else: being made in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27), we are precious in His sight (Isaiah 43:4), and our identity matters so very much to Him.
As His beloved sons and daughters, we are chosen, accepted, forgiven, and set free. We belong to Him and are protected by His mighty hand. What God has to say about us isn’t only important but absolute! What does He has to say about a man and woman?
According to His Word, a Godly man pursues righteousness (1 Timothy 6:11-12), provides for his family (1 Timothy 5:8), is a humble and hard worker (Colossians 3:23), is strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9), and demonstrates integrity (Proverbs 10:9, Proverbs 11:3).
A Godly woman seeks God first (Matthew 6:33-34), embraces her inner beauty (Proverbs 31:30), cares for the needs of others (Matthew 22:29), respects her husband and helps him (Genesis 2:18), is humble and kind (Philippians 2:4), and is a light in her community (Titus 2:3-5).
Reflect on those truths and hush the whispers that may try to tell you otherwise. You are a child of God, and your identity is backed by the flawless and trustworthy Word of God.
Reflect His Love
This has got to be one of the main purposes God has for our marriages – to reflect His love. So, essentially, I saved the best point for last. There is no other relationship quite like the unique and beautiful bond found within the confines of a marriage. It is the only union formed by a covenant where vows were said, and an oath was made under God pledging to love another human being unconditionally until death do you part.
Dear friends, God wants us to see our marriage the way He sees it – sacred, beautiful, and filled with so much purpose. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ did the church, seeing her as the beautiful gift she is willing to care for her deepest desire and need to be cherished and adored. Wives are called to love their husbands by following their leadership, encouraging them to do the will of God, and demonstrating respect in deed, word, and action (Ephesians 5:21-33).
God wants us to understand that marriage forces us to be selfless by putting ourselves aside to honor another. And He is inviting us to view our spouse differently, learning that loving them is a privilege, not to be taken lightly, but to be respected and deeply cherished. In other words, God wants us to understand that our unique differences and the contributions we bring into a marriage are all part of the uniqueness that is given by God to ultimately reflect His love.
Prayer for Your Marriage
Faithful Father, thank you for the abundant gift and blessing You have so graciously given us in marriage. Help us align to Your will and way in our marriages and submit to You first by placing our trust in You. Give us wisdom and discernment on how to raise arrows for Your kingdom. Show us where we can be good stewards with our time, gifts, and blessings and embrace our roles as man and woman, husband and wife. Please forgive us where we fall short and lead and guide us back to Your truth. Lastly, we long to be an example and reflect the nature of Your unfailing love, so give us the tools and means to share and spread the light of Your amazing love. It’s in Your mighty name we pray. Amen.
Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer
One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:
