Dear Self, You Won't Always Be a Single Mom

Seven years. It’s been almost a decade. Years of laundry and dirty dishes and endless vacuuming and dust strokes. Years of sitting in church alone. Years of celebrating alone the milestones of walking and potty-training and reading of first books and cheering home runs. I think, in the early days, I just assumed it wouldn’t last this long. The adrenaline of just needing to keep two babies in diapers, working two jobs, and balancing college, alongside the other demands, kept me going. The juggling of sports practices and household chores and cleaning dirty bottoms was a welcomed distraction from the heartache I often masked. But, for some reason, as I sit alone and watch another episode of a useless television program, it seems particularly hard. I feel unseen, unheard, unwanted, and undervalued. I don’t want to, but I do, nonetheless. 

Don’t get me wrong. It hasn’t all been bad. Certainly not! There have been days of watching my children worship throughout the living room, as they sang their favorite Sunday School songs. I watched them both walk down the aisle to accept Jesus as their Savior, and I watched them make their proclamation of faith public through baptism. I’ve watched them transition from toddling to jogging to all-out sprinting. I’ve rejoiced as they wrote their names for the first time, read their first words, and learned to spell. I’ve screamed louder than any mom as they sank their first basketballs in a hoop, threw their first touchdowns, and swam their first meets. There have been many good days.

But I’ve also sat alone beside the hospital bed at emergency room visits for strep throat and flu diagnoses. I’ve prayed alone when I secretly wanted a husband to hold my hand and pray with me. I’ve sat at family nights at churches when my heart ached at the abandonment I’ve felt. Oh, and the ache of shame! The countless conversations I’ve had with myself as I replay poor decisions and coulda, shoulda, woulda’s. But...

Dear Self, You won’t always be a single mom. 

Nope. Morning is coming. The night has lasted a season, but a new season is coming. You cannot see it now. You’re too distracted by tears and demands and the weight of parenting and finances. But the Lord is about to do a new thing. He is giving beauty where ashes once lay. He is restoring all that the locusts ate in a dark season of your life. But here’s the most beautiful thing. He’ll do it all before you even meet your future husband!

The Lord is going to mend the broken heart you face today. His Word promises that He is near the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). He bottles every tear (Psalm 56:8). You will soon learn that to be true. You thought the prayers weren’t heard. You thought the ache in your chest would last forever. You even entertained thoughts that this would always be your lot in life – brokenheartedness and pain. But oh, dear self, your God is the mountain-moving, hope-restoring, faith-filling business, and He is about to do a new thing. Your tears will dry. Your mourning will end. You are about to move into your dancing season.

You see, for a season, you mistook your worth for your marital status. You thought your value was identified by the job you had or how quickly you rose in rank. You thought your banking account balance (or lack thereof) somehow defined your worth. You thought the number of friends you had or how your children performed in sports or school had more meaning than they actually did. But self, a day is coming when everything shifts. 

The Lord will bring you to a new level of faith. You walked down the aisle of a small country church at nine years old with great faith in a Savior who had entered your sweet and precious heart. But back then, you didn’t know the intimacy of the Savior that you will one day know. This Savior will set you on fire for the things of Him. He’ll illuminate a path for you through His Word that will guide and lead and direct you in supernatural ways that only He can. He’ll offer supernatural provision that will be in a mailbox that you never expected. He’ll show up with meals and groceries in the way of neighbors and church friends. He’ll fill your soul with laughter and you’ll hear yourself and won’t even believe it’s you! You’ll sit with girlfriends (both new and old) and you will laugh without fear of your future. And guess what? You’ll still be a single mom!

God will restore your job, your laughter. He’ll bring John 14:27 peace that makes no sense to this world. He’ll give you comfort, even if the checking account seems low, as He brings sufficient supply to meet every need. And all the while, your faith is rising. You read about mustard seed faith as a little girl, but you never realized you would one day be exercising it. And as your faith rises, you become a warrior for the King. Your taste for worldly things is no longer satisfying. You lay down your flesh and pick up your cross. Instead of weeping through the night, you worship. You learn to become a true intercessor, not exclusively petitioning the Lord for your own needs, but warring on behalf of others who are in the fight of their lives.

The Lord teaches you patience for your children that you never knew you could have. He offers kind words and gentleness through you to those precious babies. He expands your wisdom. He mounts you up on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31), just like His Word said He would. As you find your identity in Him and seek His kingdom first, the work of your hands becomes light. And one day... one fine day... you wake up. You see yourself healed, whole, transformed, renewed, redeemed, hopeful, excited, and fearless. 

Dear self, you will begin to see the provision and work of the Lord all around you. It will no longer matter to you that you are single. There will no longer be this big (perceived) scarlet letter that dangles from your forehead. That will long be gone. You become a rejoicer, filled with gratitude, because surely the goodness and mercy of the Lord has been with you and it will follow you all the days of your life (Psalm 23:6). You now know that, and there’s no looking back. 

And self, because you are healed, whole, Spirit-filled, and hopeful, you’ll sit in a cubicle at a desk in a new town and your husband will walk into the room. You won’t know instantly, but the Lord surely does. This husband won’t be repulsed by your desperation, because you are no longer desperate. You’ve found your faith and value in Christ alone. All else is over. This husband will be funny and quick-witted. He’ll be a hard worker who speaks openly about Jesus on the job. He’ll talk about his pastor and invite the whole team to church (repeatedly). Then, you’ll introduce him to your children. He’ll wheel them about the office in rolling office chairs, as fast as they’ll go, and your children will squeal with excitement. In fact, your children will one day run into your office and beg to see Mr. Jeff. 

And self, it will all be worth it. The pain of the pit. The darkness of the lion’s den. The weight of the battle. It will all be worth it, because had you not gone through your single parenting season, you would’ve never learned who you are and seen the depths of the love of the Father. 

No, dear self, you will not always be a single mom, but you will surely always be a Spirit-filled warrior for the King. 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/FatCamera

Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.