Don't Live with Mom Guilt

It’s hard to be a mom! Aren’t we supposed to be like Cinderella, who can multi-task? Delivering breakfast. Washing and ironing clothes. Scrubbing the bathroom floors. Fine! You can say Cinderella only worked at home, not at a desk job too! So, let’s add working the 9-to-5 jobs to our growing to-do lists and see if we don’t want to pull our hair out on most days. 

A successful female executive admitted to mom guilt in a magazine interview. She described it as “deafening, maddening and paralyzing,” especially when she forgets to wash her daughter’s shirt meant to be worn at the next day’s camp or she is running late to prepare the family dinner. I can see my old self in her! There were times in the past when I worked overtime and my twin daughters had to send me a fax at work so I could check their homework.

Having a successful career and a happy family doesn’t seem to go well together. It’s difficult enough to keep up with work meetings and deadlines at the office and still worry about the household chores left undone and kids’ homework waiting at home. Something’s got to give! And, often, it’s us moms giving in to guilt because we could not keep all the balls in the air.

The Proverbs 31 Woman

In the Bible, the uber-busy Proverbs 31 woman did not seem to have any problem balancing her day. Did her clock tick more than 24 hours a day because it seemed like she was up before everyone else and, most likely, still happily tucked her children to bed to read them a story with great delivery—and stayed awake through it all too! —even if she had a jampacked day?

How did the Proverbs 31 woman survive mom guilt when her busyness appeared to be daunting? “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens…She considers a field and buys it…She makes linen garments and sells them…She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Read Chapter 31 from verses 10 to 31 for the full picture.)

Perhaps the first thing to do is to ask ourselves why we are still in careers when our families are growing, along with their needs. Maybe it’s the home mortgage or credit card debt. That coveted health insurance. The kids are in college. How about just wanting to have a career? There’s no cause to hide in shame from any of these reasons for they are all valid. I had to work two jobs for 20 years as I raised my children in a single-parent home.

The question is: why do we still feel mom guilt when we have good intentions for our family’s welfare? Sitting across the dining table, we are watching for signs of our children growing more distant. Is it because we have been missing too many of their games or recitals and they don’t feel as important as our work presentation or the dinner with the prospective clients? Even the husbands appear to be resigned to eating fast food most weeknights and pulling clean laundry from the dryer. Maybe there are more hints about the lack of time to just sit down and talk about each other’s days. 

Amidst the busyness of the Proverbs 31 woman, it’s amazing to note how her husband trusted her in everything she was doing. It was said that “she [did] him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (v.12). There was no complaining about her long hours. She had no drama and pity parties about being unappreciated for her selfless hard work. Nothing she did was for her personal gain, only for her household’s benefit. So, why do selfless things but want to be loudly praised instead of just doing them wholeheartedly as unto the Lord?

She Looked to God

We also can’t overlook the fact that the Proverbs 31 woman did not have mom guilt because “she [dressed] herself with strength…and dignity…She [opened] her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness [was] on her tongue” (vv.17a, 25a, 26). She didn’t care for the applause and the “Job well done!” from others. Living her life with a godly purpose while using her spiritual gifts moved her to excellence. She looked to God to build her character. The pedestal didn’t include her glory, only God!

The Proverbs 31 woman also avoided idleness. Timothy talked about the result of having too much time on our hands, “going about from house to house…also [becoming] gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not” (1 Timothy 5:13). Not that we don’t need down time or “me” time, but we need to be careful what we do with that time. Some of us are becoming lovers of ourselves, going on shopping sprees and for spa treatments. Yes, moms deserve a treat, but let’s make sure we are not spending more than our budgets. And when we are at our luncheons and happy hour meet-ups with girlfriends, let’s remember to stay away from loose lips that can hurt people. Let’s lift each other up with the Word of God!

Let’s make it a goal to do what is right in the sight of God. After all, we don’t want our mom guilt to go through the roof with negative comments from our husbands and children and cause a divide in our households. Let’s desire to hear this same compliment from our families: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all’” (vv. 28-29).

Another mom-preneur did some deep soul-searching and ended up pivoting. She said, “I had to tear down my paradigm of what having it all meant. [God] is supposed to be my all.” She chose wisely. 

If we want to be that Proverbs 31 woman and live a life without mom guilt, let’s make God our all. Pray that God will teach us how to make Him our everything. Then, let’s invest in our families. They are the “others” we need to love and nurture, especially our children whom we need to raise in the ways of the Lord.

Related: FREE Podcast for Praying Moms!

Do you desire to be a prayer warrior for your kids? Million Praying Moms is the podcast helping you learn to pray God's Word for your children in the areas they need it most. Join author and speaker, Brooke McGlothlin, in making prayer the first and best response to the challenges of motherhood. Listen to every episode on LifeAudio.com, and be sure to subscribe on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.

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Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!