Hope for the Mom Who Feels Invisible
- Alicia Searl Contributing Writer
- Published Sep 19, 2023
Before we dig into the hope for your precious momma heart, will you pray with me?
Heavenly Father,
I lift up the sweet momma who is laying her eyes on this right now. I pray You touch her heart in ways that only You can, helping her to feel seen, worthy, and valued. It is so comforting to know that You are a relational God, longing to be a part of our everyday life, encouraging us with your faithful promises that have no end, and drawing close when we need You. Today, this sweet momma needs You and needs to be reminded that she is fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. Nothing goes unnoticed with You. You carry the weight of her every hurt, You bring healing to her heartbreak, and You hold her every tear. You see it all. From the questions and confusion that consume her heart when she isn’t invited, to the hurt that comes from relationships she so badly wants to trust, to the agony of feeling lost and lonely. It has all led her here – feeling completely invisible. Wondering if anyone sees her. Father, please breathe truth over her weary heart. Reclaim her purpose and reveal Your plan. Let her know that she has so much to give and offer others. Remind her that she is more precious than the finest jewels and that she is Your most prized possession. Lord, give her the courage to put her faith and trust in You, a willing heart to pursue her passions and dreams, and the strength to keep fighting the good fight. I pray she keeps her head up, knowing that with You, she is seen, valued, and so very adored. I ask all this in Your Holy Name.
Amen.
Feeling Invisible Stinks – Plain and Simple
Oh, sweet friend, I just hate that you feel this way. Unfortunately, this is a common feeling I have carried many times too. It starts out simple enough. From the invite that I never received as I slowly scroll social media to find everyone there but me, to the car that whips out right in front of me (did they not see me?), to the blatant ignoring from my children who don’t acknowledge my existence until they actually need something. It all begins to pile on and add up. Then my heart and mind seem to say in unison…
I must be invisible.
Motherhood can be all-consuming, leading us to feel as if the job we are doing is going completely unnoticed, that it’s not making an impact, and that nobody really cares anyway. After a while, we get so swallowed up in the actions of being a mom that we somehow forget who we were before we took on this honorable title. Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is such a beautiful calling and holds so many precious moments that I am forever grateful for, but sometimes…sometimes, I just feel invisible.
Being a mom comes with a lot of pressure, and most (or all) of our energy and focus is often placed solely on this role as a mom. In time, we slowly begin to forget what we actually like to do, how we like to have fun, or what hobbies even interest us.
But, here is the thing – you may believe the lie that you are forgotten, not seen, and that your love poured out goes unnoticed, but the real truth is that there is more to your story than “meets the eye.” Let’s find hope for you today, and fill up your cup, sweet momma.
The “Why” Is Important
About four years ago, when I stopped homeschooling our two oldest daughters and we began the transition into public school, something inside me just snapped. I questioned everything, wondering if we made the right decisions, even though we discussed it ad nauseam, made a pros and cons chart, and prayed about it for over six months. But, guilt snuck in and eventually told me I wasn’t needed anymore.
Whisking my children off to school so I could come home and write as the Lord was nudging me to do felt as if I was abandoning my family. In time, feeling invisible became a clumsy and comforting companion that sadly took me down the not-so-pretty path of depression. I questioned my worth as a mom, I began to feel lonely as I lost touch with groups and friends I had known for years, and I entered a new season with fear and trepidation. While I have felt invisible a few times on this motherhood journey, this was a rather dark season, and I lost all motivation and even stopped writing for a while. I tell you this because feeling invisible is merely the beginning of all other sorts of unhealthy feelings.
Determining the “why” you feel invisible is so important, because it will get you to a place to break barriers that are preventing you from moving forward. The truth is this - God doesn’t want us to live in the lie that our calling as a mother is not important to Him. He highly values this role and wants us to be the best version of ourselves for our families, which is why He brings us to uncomfortable places. It’s all a means to grow us!
So, what could be the reason why you are battling this feeling of invisibility? Let’s dig into a few reasons as to why you may be feeling this way. While this list isn’t inclusive, it’s a start, because when we pinpoint it, we can then replace it with what is true:
-Your past or childhood has caused a ripple effect to the emotions you bring into motherhood.
-You have a knack for burying your feelings, so it’s turned into you feeling unheard and misunderstood.
-Your people-pleasing skills have made you give beyond your means, and you just feel worn out, maybe even longing for a little appreciation.
-The season of motherhood you are in is extremely challenging, making you feel as if you don’t make a real difference.
-You feel left out and are not sure where you fit in. Your friend groups have either shifted, changed, or fizzled out.
-You’ve undergone a huge life transition, and it’s triggering many emotional responses, feeling overlooked and forgotten nearing the top of the list.
Replace the Why with Truth
Once you discover why you are feeling invisible, you must call it out, and then replace it with truth. The truth of the matter is that feeling invisible is nothing more than a tactic from the enemy to get you alone, so he can sabotage your heart.
Sweet friend, listen to me, you have to fight. You have to fight the urge to give into these feelings and let them sweep you down a not-so-pretty path. I know it isn’t easy, I’ve been there, and I am there now raising teens, which is a whole other level of invisibility. But, will you fight with all you have to replace those feelings with what God says about you?
Not sure how? Here are some scriptures to say and speak aloud. Place them around your home to visually see and tuck them in your heart when you feel unseen, forgotten, and invisible. Because the best way to fight is by placing your faith over your feelings.
Scriptures to hold near and dear:
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1
You are precious in God’s eyes. He sees you and wants to ransom your heart, gently calling you to come back to Him, so He can fill you with His infinite love. So, what is it that you fear? Give it to your unfailing and faithful Father and let Him fight on your behalf.
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me…" Psalm 139:1-7
Take time to read the entire Psalm. It is a beautiful reminder that God sees it all. He knows the endless love you pour out and give to your family, as well as the ache you carry when it goes unseen. He hears your inner thoughts, from the unspoken words (and lies) that you proclaim over yourself to the way You even think about Him. He is inviting you to sit with Him and let Him be with you throughout your day. Will you let Him?
"But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins." 2 Peter 1:9
You are not bound by your past. As believers, we are saved by the precious blood of Jesus, and with that comes a pathway to life according to His will. We cannot lose salvation, but when we live in a place that detaches us from the gift of that freedom, we are unable to live the life God wants for us. Lay your sin and hurt at His feet and give yourself permission to move on.
Some other verses to look into and proclaim over your life: Deuteronomy 31:6, Philippians 4:19, Romans 5:8
There Is More to You
- than meets the eye. It’s so easy for us to get focused on our feelings and all the negative that we can fail to see the good is actually taking place. Take notice of what God is doing in your life, in this season. Is He calling you to something? Is He moving in the lives of your precious children? Ponder on that for a bit because there is so much that we can miss when we are dwelling on the past, the hurt, the feelings.
And, I get it. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the lengthy list of to-dos, trying to figure out multiple schedules, keeping up with meals and carpool lanes, on top of dealing with fussy tots, sibling rivalry, mounds of laundry, and constant messes that seem to be scattered all around the house. But, the truth is, we weren’t meant to be invincible, striving to do it all only to crumble into a heap, only to feel invisible.
We were designed to flourish and bend to the say and needs that God lays before us. Yes, the days may seem long, but your selfless sacrifices have a purpose. It is to raise arrows and shoot them off into a lost world (Psalm 127:4). If you have never sharpened an arrow before, as a niece who had an uncle who used to hunt, it comes with some cuts, scrapes, and bruises.
Friend, we are in the process of sharpening our little arrows. It’s not going to be easy. Sometimes, we going to be invisible to the outside world, or even within the walls of our own homes, but God’s purpose is clear, and all we need to do is trust Him!
