How to Find Biblical Joy When You Are Facing Infertility

"We can trust God with our brokenness because Psalm 34:18 shows us exactly where God is when we are hurting: 'The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." ― Lillian Day

You love God, are committed to living for him, and have a strong marriage. You and your husband have good jobs and a home waiting to be filled. There is only one thing missing – children. You and your husband want children and have been praying that God bless you with a family.

Time passes, and you watch as, one by one, women all around you excitedly announce they are expecting. You attend baby shower after baby shower and work hard to rejoice with those sweet friends who are rejoicing and celebrating their precious gift of a new family member. You carefully and thoughtfully pick out a gift for each baby, praying that one day it will be your turn to begin collecting all that is needed to welcome your own little one into your home.  

Then Mother's Day rolls around - again. 

You sit in church and listen while mothers are honored and celebrated. Then you quietly sit back as family after family files out of the church, get into their cars, and drive away to enjoy a special celebration over lunch. You and your husband quietly drive home and eat lunch, just the two of you. 

Another Mother's Day has passed, and you still are not a mother. 

Infertility. It is not a struggle any woman wants to face, and it is one of the hardest things one can go through. It was never God's intent for anyone to have to walk through infertility, yet everything in the world was altered as soon as sin entered. Nothing is as it was meant to be. Sadly, some women suffer with infertility. If you are one of these women, I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am. The numb, aching in your heart that is present, although not seen by those around you, is seen by God. It has not gone unnoticed by him. Your struggles and tears have not only been seen, but as David wrote in Psalm 56, God has kept count of your tossings and put your tears in a bottle. 

Verses to Help You When You Face Infertility 

Psalm 56:8 "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

God sees our suffering and tears and is always close by, helping us bear our burdens. He notices every tear we cry. He is our tenderhearted Father, and he weeps with us. 

Revelation 21:4 "he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Your tears are not futile; God sees them, and it stirs up his compassion for you.  You are his child, he fully knows you, and your tears are seen. Joy and comfort can be found when you focus on this truth. You can have hope as you look forward to the day when there will be no more death, mourning, crying, or pain! 

Isaiah 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

Even in this trial, you can trust wholeheartedly in God. It is okay to pour your heart out to God and be honest with your feelings. You can lament! But part of lamenting is getting to the point that you can say that you trust in him no matter what happens. Going through this processing of emotions and then leaning into him will enable you to trust him and be flooded with his perfect peace. 

What Good Comes When You Face Infertility

• In your suffering, you have an opportunity to experience God's mercy that will never cease. He allows you to grieve, understands your broken heart, and offers you his rest and comfort in the pain. He promises relief and hope amidst all of it. 

• You have the opportunity to choose to find your strength in your God and your identity. Yes, your heart longs to be a mother. That is a beautiful and normal desire that God put in the heart of women. But in your infertility struggle, you can be reminded of where your first and most important identity lies – in Christ. You are his child. That will never change. Choosing to focus on that and what that means can be used to strengthen your relationship with God and prepare you for the suffering that you might face in the future. 

• This is an opportunity to learn, in a deeper way, that you are not in control. You can eat the right things, get plenty of rest, take all the supplements to support a healthy pregnancy, exercise regularly, and go to the doctor for counsel, but you have absolutely no control over your fertility. 

Find Biblical Joy by Focusing on God

Thank Him for Who He Is:

Father, thank you for being El Shaddai, "God Almighty." You have ultimate power over all things. I trust you and know that, whether or not I have a child, you are still over all things, have a purpose for all that happens in this life, and will one day wipe all of my tears away, and I will have a clear understanding of why you have worked the way you have chosen to work. 

Thank Him for His Faithfulness:

Father, you are a faithful God. Thank you for all you have done and how you have worked in my life up until now. Because of your faithfulness in the past, I know I can trust that you will be faithful in the future, even when I do not understand why you are allowing me to suffer from infertility. 

Thank Him for His Promises:

Father, thank you for your promises that give me comfort in each moment, hope for the future, and joy amidst heartache. 

Thank Him for His Provisions:

Father, I do not want to allow whether or not I conceive to determine if I experience biblical joy. I want to focus on you and be thankful for all the ways you have provided in my lifetime. You have given me life and have provided all my needs. You have provided me with your Word so I can better know you.  I am so grateful. Help me to focus on, and cling to you alone. 

To learn more about how to choose biblical joy, check out my book “Everyday Prayers for Joy”! 

For weekly encouragement on how to choose biblical joy in all circumstances, subscribe to “Choose Biblical Joy Today”

This article is part of a series by Gina Smith on biblical joy. Here are more of her articles:

How to Find Biblical Joy When You Face Family Conflict

How to Find Biblical Joy When You Battle Depression

How to Find Biblical Joy When Your Heart Is Broken

Finding Biblical Joy in Loneliness

How to Find Biblical Joy When Life Doesn’t Look the Way You Thought it Would

How to Find Biblical Joy When the Church Disappoints You