Is It ‘Okay’ to Not Want Kids as a Christian?
In today’s society, married people are expected to have children. You hear people chiding the married couple about when they will get grandchildren, godchildren, or nieces and nephews. But what if you’re a Christian and don’t want kids? I am one of them.
Never in my life have I ever wanted children. As a kid, I didn’t enjoy being around other kids, and I think this is because I was around adults my entire life, literally. My parents owned a restaurant and motel, and I spent all of my childhood around adults. This brings us to the question of whether it is okay to not want kids as a Christian. Let’s dive into this further.
What Does the Bible Say about Having Children?
The Bible says that children are a blessing and a reward. Having children is part of God’s plan and an act of faith that entrusts people with raising them well.
Here are some more verses about parents and children.
“Direct your children on the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Proverbs 22:6, NLT)
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, NLT)
“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” (Proverbs 29:17)
“Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21, NLT)
There are all kinds of verses about having children, but what about people who don’t want to have children? There are no verses that explicitly say that people must have children.
The Myth That All People Who Don’t Want Kids Hate Children
This assumption comes up often. People think that just because you don’t want kids, you must hate them. Yes, some people do hate children, using that as their reason not to want them. But this is not all people. Kind of like animal people, assuming the opposite of those who don’t like cats or dogs.
I don’t want kids, but I taught daycare off and on for eight and a half years. I had good days and bad days. Some days, I loved the kids and other days, I wanted to pull my hair out when they wouldn’t listen. This comes with the territory when you teach kids. I taught all ages but not babies. Babies scare me because they can’t tell you what’s wrong, and I’m not comfortable holding them for fear of accidentally dropping one.
One of my best friends and her husband chose not to have kids, but she’s crazy about her nieces and nephews. She loves going over to visit them, taking them places, and spending time with them. She also loves spoiling them at Christmas time.
My cousin has friends who don’t have children, but they love getting together with her and her eleven-year-old daughter. They had just visited a friend they hadn’t seen in a while the other weekend.
My father-in-law, who never had kids, loves taking his grandkids (my husband’s brother’s kids) out on the ATV, going out to lunch, and babysitting them with my husband’s mom. He thinks they are a lot of fun.
This proves that just because people don’t have kids doesn’t mean that they hate them.
Reasons People Don’t Want Kids
Health issues: Some people have physical or mental health issues that they don’t want to pass on to the next generation. They may also feel that whatever issue they are dealing with will spill over into the child's life, making things more difficult for everyone.
Lifestyle: Some people have high-stress, high-pressure jobs where they are often away and know that they won’t be able to give a child the love and attention he or she needs.
Bad experiences: Some people have had unpleasant experiences with children. While working in daycare, children kicked, hit, punched, and spit on me. This reinforced my decision not to have children.
Other terrible experiences may include babysitting rowdy children as a teenager, having a child interrupt a significant event (like a wedding or a birthday party), or dealing with horrific underage family members.
Family history: Some people don’t want kids because of a family history of births like having miscarriages, having premature children, etc. My mom couldn’t carry me or my brother full term.
Some people don’t like kids. I know this sounds horrible to most people, but it’s true. There are people who don’t like children at all. Some people don’t like animals but like children.
Family Issues: Some people have had horrible family dynamics and have toxic relationships with their family members that they would never want to expose a child to.
Finances: Some people don’t feel comfortable in their financial situation to warrant having kids. They are costly, costing thousands of dollars a year, and that’s before college. Raising children is even worse if you live in a more expensive part of the country.
On the flip side, people who grew up poor but now have a stable living situation with a good job may not want to take the chance of something happening to that stability with a child in the mix.
Wanting to Travel- Some people want to live a nomad lifestyle and be able to travel whenever they want. They don’t want a kid they have to think about.
Reasons for Christians Who Don’t Want Kids to Stick to Their Decision
-Don't have children to meet the status quo.
-People shouldn't have children to fulfill family expectations.
-Only you and your spouse know what is right and wrong for you as a couple.
-God’s love for you doesn’t change because you don’t have children.
-Your worth is not based on whether you have children.
-God would never want you to put yourself in a situation physically, mentally, or financially that will be detrimental to you. For example, a health or mental health issue that would cause you more stress by having a child. Or a financial situation that would cause stress by bringing a child into the world.
-Only you can define your “family.” It could be you and your spouse or you and your fur babies.
So, Is it Okay for Christians to Not Want Children?
Let’s look at this realistically. Children are an enormous responsibility, and the decision to have one is not something people should take lightly. I honestly believe that people need to discuss this in-depth before getting married. A month after we started dating, I asked my husband if he wanted kids because I didn’t. If he did, I would let him go so he could fulfill that dream with someone else. Lucky for me, he didn’t.
Christians also need to examine their motives for wanting children. Do they genuinely love children, or do they want kids to conform to the status quo or meet family expectations? The worst thing a person can do is bring a child into a world they don’t want. It’s not fair to them or the child.
All aspects of people’s lives factor into whether they want children. Lifestyle, finances, where they live, and various other factors come into play when deciding not to have children.
If you know you don’t want children, stick to your beliefs. I would much rather hear someone say, “We’ve decided not to have children.” Instead of “I wish we didn’t have children, it was a mistake.”
If you feel uneasy about your decision, I assure you it is perfectly okay if you and your spouse don’t want children.
Contrary to popular belief, the purpose of marriage is not to have children, and you are not sinning if you don’t bring children into the world. The purpose of marriage is to show the love between Jesus and his church. You and your spouse are a family and part of God’s family, which matters. Regardless of whether we are single, married, have kids, or not. A person is part of God's family, no matter their marital or child status, and that alone should bring comfort to your soul.
Your decision to have or not have kids is up to you, and people should respect you. Only you can decide what is right for your life. God still loves you, and that doesn’t change because you choose not to bring children into this world. He doesn’t want you to bring a child into the world that you don’t want because of expectations of the status quo or family.
If you have children and know Christians who choose not to, be respectful. You don’t know the reasons behind their decision. It could be a health issue, financial issue, or because of a family history. Once Christians accept both sides of this decision, we can live in love as God intended.
Photo Credit ©Unsplash/Busing
Originally published March 15, 2025.
