Is There a 'Christian' Way to Do Family Planning?

When my husband and I first got married, we had a glaringly different approach when it came to family planning. While we both knew we wanted a big family, the conversation that took place on the dance floor during our first dance, mind you, only showed how naive we were.

I remember holding one finger up and giggling as he swirled me around to “One More Day with You” by Diamond Rio. Then he shook his head and held up three fingers. This was to indicate the number of years we wanted to wait before we would start to grow our little family of two. Basically, I was ready, but he needed a little more convincing. Ha!

But God had an altogether different plan. One that reminded us that His plan wouldn’t be thwarted and always takes precedence. Unfortunately, His plan came with the painstaking cost of infertility and years of heartache. It also came with the news of all my friends becoming pregnant, along with devastating and continual one-liner pregnancy tests that sent daggers to my already wounded heart.

Sadly, in time, I grew angry with God. I felt forgotten and, dare I say, even betrayed. Why had God placed this desire in my heart (and my husband’s) only to say “no” time and time again? Why did medical conditions that appeared when I was seventeen come back with a vengeance only to tempt and haunt me? Why did we have to wait so long? Why was God oblivious to my pain?

Questions flooded my heart, and I had no answers. It caused tension in our marriage and a gaping hole in the life we had planned.

Oh, dear friend, if you and your spouse are planning to grow your little family to no avail and plan A isn’t working out, and maybe neither is Plan B or C, may I take a moment to pray for you?

Faithful Father, I lift up the precious couple reading this right now. You see them and hear the cries of their anxious hearts to become parents. Please draw close and place Your loving hand upon them. Help them trust You as they plan to grow their family. Your will, time, and way are always the best plan, bringing us to Your purpose for our lives. Open their eyes and soften their hearts to surrender their plan and trust You in the process. I ask this in Your precious and holy name. Amen.

Maybe you are left wondering: Is there a way to do family planning God’s way? Yes! I believe there is, and it is based on trust and surrender. So, please take heart and read on.

Surrender it All to God

Planning a family must take place between you, your spouse, and God! As a young married couple, the questions we would get used to seriously irritate me. You know, the well-meaning ones that simply, yet quite forcibly and blatantly ask, “So, when are you guys having a baby?”

Ugh! Take a deep breath, respond in love (or a simple smile will suffice), then take those not-so-good thoughts to God and ask Him to console our already bruised and fragile hearts. Let me also be very clear here for just a minute; it’s okay to tell God what you want. It’s even okay to tell Him you are hurting or confused by His plan. The truth is that He just wants to hear from you. He already knows the desires of your heart, and that of your spouse, but in communicating it to Him, especially when done together, you open up a way to surrender your hopes and dreams of a family and seek to align it with God’s hopes and dreams for your family.

Spiritual surrender is an action of sheer faith. It’s honoring and respecting God by living in the hope that God is Who He says He is. It’s coming to grips with the truth that He is in control, and His will and way will always come to pass. So, how can you and your dear spouse fully surrender amid family planning?

1. Start with praising and thanking Him for the blessings He has given both of you. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

2. Take your thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). When it isn’t of God, call them out and focus on what is true, noble, right, lovely, and pure (Philippians 4:8). Hold each other accountable in this manner.

3. Share your hearts with one another and with God. Share all your honest emotions and invested feelings. Then, pray to God throughout your day to help you process your thoughts. (Matthew 5:8).

4. Get out in nature, play praise and worship music, or journal your feelings in order to calm your anxious heart when plans go awry.

Trust His Plan

The truth is we can plan out our lives, even earnestly praying for God’s will, but when our deepest desires don’t match up with God’s, there is only one thing to do: let go of your plan.

Plan B was our fallback, but it also forced us to surrender. We had to confess that our family planning wasn’t working, and we needed help. So, we learned together to place our trust in God’s plan. We had to say that our marriage and future children were His and to open our eyes and soften our hearts to loosen the grip of control.

We wanted so badly to be parents, but we were failing to be obedient to our own Father. We forgot to seek Him – first. He wasn’t our first plan; He was our last resort. We got ahead of ourselves and began planning on that dancefloor the day we said, “I do,” forgetting a major component (the most important component, might I add) of the equation – God! I guess you could say we were both lovestruck.

But the thing is that God doesn’t have a good or even better plan for us; He has the best plan for us! His plan comes with a purpose to grow and enrich us through our acts of faith.

That doesn’t mean His plan will not come with setbacks or pain or that it will be smooth sailing. Yet, we can rest assured that His plan is beyond what we could ever imagine! That is because His plan comes with a promise. A promise to always be with us, in each and every season (Isaiah 41:10). We can trust Him because His thoughts are bigger than our thoughts and His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). He sees so much more than we do and cares for moments that impact our future. Where we see a blip in time, He sees the entire picture, from beginning to end.

Trusting our Almighty God means letting go of the need to make sense of it all or seeking to understand and know that He is working all things out for our good (Proverbs 3:5-6). If you need help trusting God with your family planning, do these three things with your spouse today:

1. Come together in prayer and take your hearts to God, asking Him to come into your union, bringing comfort and peace.

2. Read the verses mentioned above out loud as a couple. Isaiah 41:10, Isaiah 55:8-9, and Proverbs 3:5-6. Proclaim them over your home, your marriage, and the planning of your family.

3. Take a break and relax from all the planning, even if for a day or two, so that God can refuel your heart with His love. In the meantime, search for Him and take note of the little blessings this beautiful life has to offer.

Pray in the Meantime

When we are in the middle of family planning, knowing what or how to pray can be difficult. Maybe, like I once felt, you feel God is oblivious to your pain or doesn’t fully hear the cries of your heart. Let me remind you that our God is not one to leave or forsake you. He does hear your prayers, all of them. Even the ones that come from the depths of a tender or angry heart.

Still not sure what to pray? I invite you to lift up these sweet whisper prayers any time you feel discouraged, or worry overcomes you. God is waiting on you and listening.

Lord, thank you for the gift of my marriage. We are so eager to start a family but want to trust Your plan. You are a good and faithful Father, and we know full well that Your plans will come to pass, so allow us to put aside our worries, fears, and even frustrations. We lay them all at Your feet and long to abide in You. Show us Your will. We love you. Amen.

Lord, Your grace abounds, and Your mercies are new every day. We seek Your forgiveness for failing to lean into Your plan for our family. Console and soften our hearts so that we can seek You and Your will for our family. Bring peace and comfort into the confines of our marriage as we lean into one another and place our trust in You. Amen.

Lord, we come to You with heavy hearts and a desire to be parents. We know that You know this full well. We also know that You have a plan for our family, we are just unsure of what that plan is at this time. Grant us patience in the family planning process and a desire to seek after Your plan alone. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Lord, You alone are God. Your will, way, and time are perfect and altogether good. We place our hope and trust in You as we plan for our family to grow. We know You see our present struggles while holding our future in Your loving hands. We ask that You show us Your will and way, lead and direct us to follow the path that You lay before us. We want to listen and obey You and raise a family to do the same. Amen.

May God meet you and your spouse where you are on your family planning journey and reveal to You His plan and purpose for your precious family.

Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.