When You Think You're the Only Mom Who Struggles with Temper

To the mom who just put herself in “time out” before 9 o’clock in the morning, and is sitting in a locked bathroom with her phone, you’re not alone. 

To the mom who cried herself to sleep last night, and the night before, and the night before that with promises of “I'll do better tomorrow” and pains of regret, you’re not the only one.

To the mom who grew up with an abusive mom or a negligent mom and vowed that you would “do it better,” but feels like you’re on the same hamster wheel, know that all hope is not lost.

To the mom in Target watching other moms deep in the 5 p.m. pre-dinner “I’m-starving” meltdown, and wondering how they keep it together and stay so calm and collected—they don’t. Not always. They have bad days too.  

You’re not the only one who has snapped a sharp remark and before you noticed the tears in your daughter's eyes, you knew it that is was rude and hurtful. 

You are certainly not the only mother who has grabbed your son’s shoulder so that you can whisper (through bared teeth) that he’s close to getting another consequence, only to be met with “You’re hurting me!” 

Your struggle with anger, taming your tongue, and controlling your temper are not new battles for moms. 

The pressure for mothers to get everything right the first time and to have it all together overwhelms today’s culture. Everyone shouts a different version of how to parent the “right way": experts, doctors, celebrities, friends, and the ever-present feed on social media. 

Unfortunately, shame has a tendency of moving in the day the newborn comes home. It stalks with whispers that lazy reactions equal a lousy mom, or that poor choices are the result of a pathetic mother. If these thoughts have gone from whispers to shouts of blame and torment, please take a breath, close your eyes and whisper this one name: Jesus. 

For He came that you would never be alone. Not even in your darkest moments when the questions, anxiety and rage threaten to consume you. Even when it feels like nothing can penetrate the cycle of guilt and shame—He can. 

He can reach into that moment, that day, and that situation, and bring peace and clarity. He can overwhelm your heart with love, kindness, and creative ideas for the struggles that you’re facing. He can speak life to the circumstances where there seems to be only death, and His grace can be enough to hold you through whatever trial you are enduring right now.

And here’s the best part: not only can He. He will. 

It is His promise to you today and your hope for tomorrow. 

The experts and psychologists and authors can share their wisdom. They can predict triggers and outcomes, and provide practical tools to deal with your anger, but there is only One who promises to be with you in the midst of those storms. His name is Jesus. 

He is there to catch every tear that falls, hear every prayer you whisper, and hold every question that leaves you tossing in the night. He promises to cover you, shield you, protect you—to supply you with strength, love, and peace. 

Jesus says He will never leave. No matter what you do. No matter how many times you mess up, cry out for help, and need His forgiveness. He gives it generously. He is not stingy. His grace is like His love: endlessly abundant.

So, the next time you are hiding upstairs in your room with toddlers screaming in the next room—or a defiant child locked in theirs—take a breath, speak His name, and remember that He is with you. 

Please pray with me: 

Father, give me eyes to see you and ears to hear you in the midst of my day. When challenges arise, give me the ability to step out of my emotions to deal with the situation in the best way. And when I make mistakes, give me the courage to ask others for forgiveness, and even more, to forgive myself. Remind me of your promises, of the fact that when you look at my beautiful and unique child, made in your image, it's the same way you look at me—with a Father's love. Amen. 

Malinda Fuller and her husband Alex have served at several churches and para-church organizations in the U.S. and Canada for over a decade. Malinda wields truth and grace through the words on her blog and has also contributed content for Relevant, Thrive Moms and The Influence Network. Malinda and Alex currently reside in Southern California, where they are homeschooling their daughters, working in ministry and trying to not complain about the continuous sunshine.

Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com

Publication date: February 15, 2017